Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Non-Conformists Wearing the Official Non-Conformist Uniform

1. America's Least Wanted

2. "We wear black on the outside because black is how we feel on the inside. Also, it's slimming and easy to accessorize."

3. The Bay Area Chapter of "Down With People" prepares for their half-time show.

4. "Velcome to 'Sprockets' Shall ve dance?"

5. "They kicked us out. Apparently, they have some fascist policy that if your personal body funk is worse than the stench of rotting fish in the dumpster out back, they won't serve you."

6. "No, we can't eat here. It was so embarrassing last time. Lumumba ordered Mahi Mahi and then got pissed when it turned out it wasn't a type of marijuana."

7. "Che will go to the bathroom at precisely 4:56 and plant the device. We walk out of the restaurant at 4:58, and by 5 o'clock, us ditching on the bill will be the last thing on their minds."

8. "So, I asked the wage slave, 'What's this fly doing in my soup?'And she says, 'An interpretation of your piece-of-sh*t life, you no-tipping, trustafarian loser.'"

9. "Does my chin look like a gophers butt to you?"

10. "Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Black Bloc kid."

Best of Drew
Guys, I just consulted Gangsta for Dummies and apparently we're supposed to wear the bandanas on top of our heads, yet pulled down enough to slightly cover the eyes. My bad.

Best of rufus leaking
"What do you mean, 'I'm not black enough?'"

Best of Occasional Reader
"Look, NONE of us are happy that the Campfire Girls beat us up and took our lunch money. But we're just gonna have to pool our remaining money, and see if we can't at least buy a package of fascist Mrs. Field's cookies."

Best of Mr. Right
"Look, all I'm saying is: If New Orleans can be a 'chocolate city', why the hell can't San Francisco be a 'black licorice village'?"

"Look, you can all be Black Bart, okay! Now just throw me down on the sidewalk and hogtie me already! And couldn't at least ONE of you guys have worn a ten-gallon hat and a pair of chaps? This fantasy just isn't turning out like I had planned..."

Best of Donnah
"And then I saw this naked guy with an inflated scrotum! It was wild!"

Best of Gaijin Biker
Jimmy waited anxiously, as the other kids debated whether to let him into the gang despite his gauche chain wallet.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Why do I have to be Agent Smith, I want to be Neo."

Best of Submariner
Today's meeting of the Ted Kaczynski Fan Club will come to order...

OK, Ho Chi Minh, you're the deciding vote - is it Chuck-E-Cheese or Micky D's after the protest?

Best of Cybrludite
(From the blonde in the middle) For all six of you? Well, my hourly rate is fourty bucks plus the hotel room, so not more than $20-30. Less if I do more than one at a time...
From the leader in the hoodie, counting their saved up pocket change) Um, how much less?

Best of Van Helsing
Snooky, I told you not to wash your new black jeans in with the rest of our clothes.


Photos From Zombie taken at Bay Area abortion protest and featuring Code Pink, the Black Bloc, and the Raging Grannies: The Triple Crown of Moonbattery. (Well, International ANSWER wasn't there, but it's a decent turn of phrase.)

29 comments:

Drew said...

Guys, I just consulted the Original Gangsta for Dummies and apparently we're supposed to wear the bandanas on top of our heads, yet pulled down enough to slightly cover the eyes. My bad.

The Man said...

24: Season 6 - Jack Bauer must take down a sleeper cell of Goths.

rufus leaking said...

"What do you mean, 'I'm not black enough?'"

Occasional Reader said...

"Look, NONE of us are happy that the Campfire Girls beat us up and took our lunch money. But we're just gonna have to pool our remaining money, and see if we can't at least buy a package of fascist Mrs. Field's cookies."

Chevy Rose said...

"Here, try some TicTacs. Egads! your breaths will still peel wallpaper! New rule: Never eat onions just before a protest."

lawhawk said...

Has someone consulted the Book of Vestments, Chapter 5, verse 1:

When heading to anarchist outing, be sure to coordinate with fellow anarchists to wear proper attire.

Prough91 said...

No way, I was pivot man last time.

The reject extras from Men in Black III.

Mr. Right said...

"Look, all I'm saying is: If New Orleans can be a 'chocolate city', why the hell can't San Francisco be a 'black licorice village'?"

Mr. Right said...

"No! No! No! I'M Black Bart!!!"

"Nuh-Uh! I'M Black Bart!!!"

"Look, you can all be Black Bart, okay! Now just throw me down on the sidewalk and hogtie me already! And couldn't at least ONE of you guys have worn a ten-gallon hat and a pair of chaps? This fantasy just isn't turning out like I had planned..."

Donnah said...

"And then I saw this naked guy with an inflated scrotum! It was wild!"

Gaijin Biker said...

Jimmy waited anxiously, as the other kids debated whether to let him into the gang despite his chain wallet.

Cybrludite said...

It'd be amusing to see these loosers in an actual anarcy. I'm thinking "snow in a furnace" in terms of lifespan.

Rodney Dill said...

"Why do I have to be Agent Smith, I want to be Neo."
"I'm the director, You're Agent Smith."
"Well why can't I be the director?"

Submariner said...

"Why did you give everyone a picture of 'Bill the Cat'?"
"You told me to get everyone a Gaaaack!"
"I said a 'Glock' you waste of spermies!"

Submariner said...

Todays meeting of the Ted Kaczynski Fan Club will come to order...

Submariner said...

OK, Brucey, you're the deciding vote - is it Chuck-E-Cheese or Micky D's after the protest?

Submariner said...

Jesse, Al and Cindy all turned down the commencement address invitations, but Calypso Louie said he'd be happy to give a speech to the "Black Bloc." Does anyone think he knows we're white?

Submariner said...

1 lousy 50cc moped! That's the only "bike" you have between ALL the members of your "motorcycle gang???"

Cybrludite said...

(From the blonde in the middle) For all six of you? Well, my hourly rate is fourty bucks plus the hotel room, so not more than $20-30. Less if I do more than one at a time...

(From the leader in the hoodie, counting their saved up pocket change)

Um, how much less?

Van Helsing said...

Snooky, I told you not to wash your new black jeans in with the rest of our clothes.

Submariner said...

You thought the instructions were to come "...completely blackened..." Uh-huh... So tell me "Braniac," was it a Sharpie that you used to blacken your face, too?

Submariner said...

Brokeback boulevard

Submariner said...

Outake from the new Heath Ledger/Jake Gyllenhaal collaboration Bob and Carl, Ted and Al, Mike and Kim; yet another, different, kind of "love story."

Submariner said...

Look Sean, tell your grandma that you missed lunch with her for a protest. She's a "Raging Granny" fer crisakes - she'll understand.

Submariner said...

If the journalist had moved just a little bit right, I think we'd have had photo-proof that Elvis is still alive, wearing snow-leapard vests, and participatin in protests!
Or not.

Submariner said...

'Ow to speak Awstraylyan: "Fraggin' Opportunity Callin'"

Rodney Dill said...

"Uh, what's our gang's colors again?"

catbat said...

"no rethuglican's gonna get MY wallet!"

"um, red boots? did you not get the memo?"

"this is gay. can we head into the waterfront and get a mochaccino now?"

Submariner said...

I can't believe those bastidges in the bank wouldn't let us make a transaction due to our attire... That's a violation of our right to "Freedom of Speech!" Wanna organize a protest?