Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I Can't Find a Good Picture of Kennedy Bloviating Over Alito, So, Here's a Guy and Some Birds

1. Closer, closer,... yes, soon I will take you to Florida where the consumption of your flesh will make the dolphins live forever. Edgar was later convicted of transporting young gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.

2. Once a mighty 1970's cultural phenomenon, Jonathan Livingston Seagull now lives quietly in Key West with longtime companion, Bruce.

3. Once again, imprinting has gone horribly awry.

4. Coming this summer from New Line Entertainment and Dreamworks SKG: White Rain. Terror has a whole new meaning.

5. I had no shoes and I was sad. Then I met a guy who was covered in seagull crap and I laughed and laughed and laughed.

6. ORA --- Tom Lehrer's got the pigeons in the park covered. The seagulls at the beach are all mine.

7. California Green Party Senate Candidate "Wind" consults with his advisors.

8. The training was tough, but eventually, the seagulls would learn to pull Bruce's finger.

9. Years of research, millions in grant money, and it turned out Pixar was right and the only word in the seagull language is, in fact, "Mine."

10. The years of accusations finally took their toll on Father Flaherty, who now serves communion only to seagulls, "the purest of God's creatures."

Best of Submariner
Henry then made his fortune making sausages from the birds' carcasses, marketed under the trade name "A Tern For The Wurst".

Negative on the fly-by, Maverick. The pattern is full.

Jonathon Livingston's last thought? "Tha last fry tasted like Alka Seltzer."

Best of Mr. Right
Craig headed off to the beach with a cooler full of cocaine-laced minnows and a dream... leave no tern unstoned!

Best of Citizen Grim
Brutus quivered in ecstacy at his wet dreams of seagulls picking the flesh from Caesar's decaptitated head, but he would eventually be forced to put them aside in favor of the more pragmatic knife-between-the-ribs.

By some twist of fate, he opened his eyes to find that he had mistakenly been sent to Oyster Hell, sentenced to be pecked at by incontinent seagulls for all eternity.

Best of John
Corky from "Life Goes On" abandoned his budding carreer in Hollywood for chance to become the next seagull taming sensation.

Best of Cybrludite
Hugo Chavez in an alternate universe where there actually is a just God...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Can't leave it at a caption ending in a "nine"!
Penniless and hungry, James showed the other homeless folks just how easy dinner could be had with only a single piece of bread and a tennis racket.


Fair Use! From this source. Hat Tip: Renna

21 comments:

Submariner said...

Henry then made his fortune making sausages from the birds' carcasses, marketed under the trade name "A Tern For The Wurst".

Bad, I know. But V. has no one to blame but himself after #1.

Submariner said...

ORA:

Negative on the fly-by, Maverick. The pattern is full.

Mr. Right said...

Craig headed off to the beach with a cooler full of cocaine-laced minnows and a dream... leave no tern unstoned!

[Sorry, but it seems to be bad pun day...]

Citizen Grim said...

Brutus quivered in ecstacy at his wet dreams of seagulls picking the flesh from Caesar's decaptitated head, but he would eventually be forced to put them aside in favor of the more pragmatic knife-between-the-ribs.

Citizen Grim said...

Wind braced himself for the consequences of coming in 3rd to Diane Feinstein and Chindy Sheehan for Senate. The Winged Ones were calling him home.

Citizen Grim said...

By some twist of fate, he opened his eyes to find that he had mistakenly been sent to Oyster Hell, sentenced to be pecked at by incontinent seagulls for all eternity.

Van Helsing said...

It's thanks to guys like this that I can't eat my lunch outside without it turning into a scene from "The Birds." He'd better hope they don't develop a taste for eyeballs.

Rodney Dill said...

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
......

Rodney Dill said...

oops I didn't read number nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine,
close enough.

John said...

Corky from "Life Goes On" abandoned his budding carreer in Hollywood for chance to become the next seagull taming sensation.

jeff said...

Proof positive that, as scavengers, seagulls will eat positively anything.

divine miss M said...

Oh, won't you eeeeeeat....frieeeees.....Freeeee...bird, yeah!

Rodney Dill said...

You invade the earth with the Storm Troopers you have, not the Storm Troopers you may want or wish to have at a later time.

Rodney Dill said...

I looked at the Storm Trooper picture and clicked the comment link above it, doh!

Attmay said...

In continuation of #1:

"Young gull, get out of my mind,
My love for you is way out of line,
Better run, gull,
You're much too young, gull."

With apologies to Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

Attmay said...

You don't need a picture of Ted Kennedy bloviating over anything. Use a picture of Barney Gumble, and no one will know the difference.

Cybrludite said...

Hugo Chavez in an alternate universe where there actually is a just God...

Cybrludite said...

In Dunnwich the whippoorwills will try and catch the soul of a recently deceased sorcerer. In Innsmouth, it's seagulls.

Cybrludite said...

Odd that the media hasn't been plastering pictures of Kennedy looking like a dork all over. After all, they do that to Bush, and we all know from Kos & Oliver Willis how badly the MSM leans in favor of the Rethuglicans...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Can't leave it at a caption ending in a "nine"!
Penniless and hungry, James showed the other homeless folks just how easy dinner could be had with only a single piece of bread and a tennis racket.

(Wow!... "terns"... "young gulls"... some GREAT caps there!)

Submariner said...

Jonathon Livingston's last thought? "Tha last fry tasted like Alka Seltzer."