2. "No, dear, wait until you're backstage before you purge."
3. "Did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, it means you have cancer?" SMACK!
4. Jenny was so shocked by Monica's indecent proposal that she had to physically keep her jaw from dropping.
5. By 2006, the Miss America Pageant had gotten so boring even the winners couldn't stop yawning. So, in 2007, they added the 'Naked Midget Mud Wrestling' Competition.
6. "Congratulations. Howard Stern will be interviewing you in the morning. You might want to cover a couple more orifices."
7. "Dude! It's called 'mouthwash.' MOUTH-WASH. It's not expensive."
8. "You are now the legal property of the Sultan of Brunei. I bet you wish you had read the fine print in that contract now."
9. "OMG! The chick in The Crying Game was actually a guy!"
10. For the talent competition, Jenny recites filthy limericks in the voice of Kenny from South Park.
Best of Van Helsing
"Sorry, Dear. I guess you didn't see that left jab coming. If you tip your head back, your nose might stop bleeding."
Best of The Man
Don't worry, this year's show is on CMT. Noone will see you cry.
Andrew Sullivan has just found his new MySpace profile picture.
Best of Submariner
Upon hearing that Prough91 claimed this was "another picture of one of my girlfriends," Miss America blew lunch and abdicated her crown.
That's a hard one... I guess my ideal date would be April 25th.
And he just stood there saying "giggidy, giggidy..." Oh it was terrible!
Best of Rodney Dill
"Yes your dress is on backwards, but I think it fits better."
Best of Occasional Reader
"I am soooo happy! I guess the judges loved my speech about how I would use my title to lift and separate the American people from the swelling tensions that cleave us apart."
Best of jeff
Really sucks to get a nosebleed on the runway, eh, runner up?
Best of Cybrludite
Aw, geeze, not only is Michael Moore in the front row, but he's been eating at Poncho's all you can eat Mexican buffet every day for the past three months...
Oh, crap! The straps on that white-haired girl's corset just popped. Turns out she's really with Code Pink. The horror! The horror!
Jenny finally notices that Miss Haiti (On the right)has been dead for over a year & moves entirely at the will of the Voodoo hougan who keeps her as a sex toy.
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
Eva Longoria isn't taking Michelle Kwan's lesbo proposition too well, is she?
Best of WALSTIB
I know I pulled ALL of your fingers hon, but that's still some rip, even for a big girl like you!
Fairly Used for Legitimate Editorial and Satirical Purposes from ROTO-REUTERS/Susan Gregg