Thursday, January 26, 2006

Here She Is...

1. Gesundheit

2. "No, dear, wait until you're backstage before you purge."

3. "Did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, it means you have cancer?" SMACK!

4. Jenny was so shocked by Monica's indecent proposal that she had to physically keep her jaw from dropping.

5. By 2006, the Miss America Pageant had gotten so boring even the winners couldn't stop yawning. So, in 2007, they added the 'Naked Midget Mud Wrestling' Competition.

6. "Congratulations. Howard Stern will be interviewing you in the morning. You might want to cover a couple more orifices."

7. "Dude! It's called 'mouthwash.' MOUTH-WASH. It's not expensive."

8. "You are now the legal property of the Sultan of Brunei. I bet you wish you had read the fine print in that contract now."

9. "OMG! The chick in The Crying Game was actually a guy!"

10. For the talent competition, Jenny recites filthy limericks in the voice of Kenny from South Park.

Best of Van Helsing
"Sorry, Dear. I guess you didn't see that left jab coming. If you tip your head back, your nose might stop bleeding."

Best of The Man
Don't worry, this year's show is on CMT. Noone will see you cry.

Andrew Sullivan has just found his new MySpace profile picture.

Best of Submariner
Upon hearing that Prough91 claimed this was "another picture of one of my girlfriends," Miss America blew lunch and abdicated her crown.

That's a hard one... I guess my ideal date would be April 25th.

And he just stood there saying "giggidy, giggidy..." Oh it was terrible!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yes your dress is on backwards, but I think it fits better."

Best of Occasional Reader
"I am soooo happy! I guess the judges loved my speech about how I would use my title to lift and separate the American people from the swelling tensions that cleave us apart."

Best of jeff
Really sucks to get a nosebleed on the runway, eh, runner up?

Best of Cybrludite
Aw, geeze, not only is Michael Moore in the front row, but he's been eating at Poncho's all you can eat Mexican buffet every day for the past three months...

Oh, crap! The straps on that white-haired girl's corset just popped. Turns out she's really with Code Pink. The horror! The horror!

Jenny finally notices that Miss Haiti (On the right)has been dead for over a year & moves entirely at the will of the Voodoo hougan who keeps her as a sex toy.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
Eva Longoria isn't taking Michelle Kwan's lesbo proposition too well, is she?

Best of WALSTIB
I know I pulled ALL of your fingers hon, but that's still some rip, even for a big girl like you!


Fairly Used for Legitimate Editorial and Satirical Purposes from ROTO-REUTERS/Susan Gregg

28 comments:

Van Helsing said...

"Sorry, Dear. I guess you didn't see that left jab coming. If you tip your head back, your nose might stop bleeding."

Submariner said...

OK, hon; there's a reason we call this game "Spit or Swallow?"

The Man said...

Don't worry, this year's show is on CMT. Noone will see you cry.

Submariner said...

OMG! I cannot believe Simon said that about my performance!

Submariner said...

I can hardly walk with this tight dress and buttplug you gave me, Li... OMG - did that get broadcast on live TV?!?

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes your dress is on backwards, but I think it fits better."

Rodney Dill said...

"No, I didn't realize that you were the face transplant donor."

Occasional Reader said...

"I am soooo happy! I guess the judges loved my speech about how I would use my title to lift and separate the American people from the swelling tensions that cleave us apart."

The Man said...

Andrew Sullivan has just found his new MySpace profile picture.

Submariner said...

"...an honor to participate in this Beauty pag, er, scholarship program and I'm glad that my scholarship is framed properly by this plunging neckline!"

Submariner said...

Upon hearing that Prough91 claimed this was "another picture of one of my girlfriends," Miss America blew lunch and abdicated her crown.

Submariner said...

Miss "Virgin Islands" realizes that the answer she gave including "a world-class piece" took her out of the running.

Submariner said...

ORA:

That's a hard one... I guess my ideal date would be April 25th.

Prough91 said...

Ms. America had to stifle a yawn while reading Submariner's captions. he he

For Ms. Virgin Islands talent portion of the competition, she demonstrated how to perform erotic asphyxiation.

Submariner said...

Prough91 - I just couldn't resist! yeah, baby, yeah!

V. no cap, just a tip: as a Bauer fan, you need to check out this "Stupid Video" http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/laugh_out_loud/24_in_30_Seconds/

Submariner said...

And he just stood there saying "giggidy, giggidy..." Oh it was terrible!

Submariner said...

You died your muff purple!?! Then in this case, the carpet really does "match the drapes!

Submariner said...

Vaseline may allow you to smile, biyotch, but a pinch of alum should help me win. (And if that doesn't work, I know Jeff Gillooly)

Rufus Leaming said...

What!? Blow is just a figure of speach!

jeff said...

Really sucks to get a nosebleed on the runway, eh, runner up?

Cybrludite said...

Aw, geeze, not only is Michael Moore in the front row, but he's been eating at Poncho's all you can eat Mexican buffet every day for the past three months...

Cybrludite said...

Oh, crap! The straps on that white-haired girl's corset just popped. Turns out she's really with Code Pink. The horror! The horror!

Cybrludite said...

Jenny finally notices that Miss Haiti (On the right)has been dead for over a year & moves entirely at the will of the Voodoo hougan who keeps her as a sex toy.

Submariner said...

Miss Kentucky catches the full meaning of celebrity judge Ru Paul's question concerning "package management."

Lyn said...

(no caption, but I love the one about the mouthwash! lgp)

Jonathan said...

Eva Longoria isn't taking Michelle Kwan's lesbo proposition too well, is she?

Rufus Leaking said...

Fishbreath! You can tell?

Anonymous said...

I know I pulled ALL of your fingers hon, but that's still some rip, even for a big girl like you!
-WALSTIB