Friday, January 27, 2006

From the Land of Dairy Queen

1. Bjork shouldn't have messed with Tonya Harding.

2. 'Ow to Speak Yooper:"Icebreaker"

3. Bill Clinton thinks, "Frigid, overweight, no fashion sense ... I must have her."

4. "When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I suffer the sensation that Monica Lewinsky is belly-luging on a desolate Russian ice-pond."

5. The producers of March of the Penguins present Slide of the Snow Cows.

6. Even after its legs were shot out from under its torso, the horrid ice zombie kept approaching.

7. Hey baby! Wanna see my "North Pole?"

8. Oksana Baiul was lucky to be thrown clear of her latest drunk driving accident.

9. The eskimo hunting party got lucky, and secured enough blubber to feed the entire village.

10. Rosie O'Donnell was so committed to spreading the word about global warming that she personally financed, directed, and starred in Day After Tomorrow 2: The Day After The Day After Tomorrow. It lost $340 million.

Best of Rufus Leaking
God made all men, but COLD made 'em equal

"What an icehole!"

Best of AM42
This release of "Supergirl- The Movie" starring Rosanne Barr, was postponed indefinitely once the producers discovered that no amount of special effects in the world could possibly make the lead actress appear to fly.

Best of Rodney Dill
Sue was America's next great hope for medaling in the 2006 Winter Olympics in the Boobsledding event.

The hot tub at Lambeau Field is very popular with the locals.

"Ok, she didn't sink, Burn her"

Best of jeff
The grey aliens attempting to burst out of her breasts were stopped by the extreme cold of her self-sacrifing slide.Thus was the world saved.

Best of Van Helsing
After falling through, Bertha became wedged in a hole in the ice. Fortunately she was able to fly free with a vigorous exhalation of flatulence. Unfortunately she was to land a moment later, once again wedged into a hole in the ice, but this time face-down.

Best of Capt. Queeg
"...as Europe's cold snap continues, another whale has beached itself on the Thames.."

Best of Citizen Grim
"Don't worry about me, you fool, look behind you! Hillary is doing the robot!"

The mad geneticists in Leningrad would soon learn the error of their ways, as the Boa-Woman devoured Alexei in broad daylight and turned toward Boris with malice in her eyes.

Best of Mo K.
The conning tower of the Soviet submarine Komsomolets breaks through the ice cap so the crew can take a bearing.

Best of Cybrludite
Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.

Global warming my fat frozen @$$! Here, pull me out of this friggin' glacier...

Best of sonicfrog
Quick, call Mulder and Scully. Tell them we found the Aliens... and tell Scully to wear a heavy sweater. I think these Aliens are hungry.

Best of Submariner
Hey baby; 20 bucks for a "frosty?"

Inga always went the extra mile for her baby. Here, she's seen attempting to make him a vanilla milkshake.

Olga assists Vladivostock scientists in Arctic Ocean, glacier-shock-induced, tsnunami research.

Inspired by Submariner
Where Frostees come from... What Wendy's doesn't want you to know.

Fair Use! From this source. Hat Tip: Renna

29 comments:

Rufus Leaking said...

God made all men, but COLD made 'em equal

g&r said...

1 and 10 are amazing.

AM42 said...

This release of "Supergirl- The Movie" starring Rosanne Barr, was postponed indefinitely once the producers discovered that no amount of special effects in the world could possibly make the lead actress appear to fly.

Rodney Dill said...

Sue was America's next great hope for medaling in the 2006 Winter Olympics in the Boobsledding event.

Rodney Dill said...

The hot tub at Lambeau Field was very popular with the locals.

Rufus Leaking said...

(*KERSPALSH!)

Senator Kennedy, this time take the girl with you. . .

jeff said...

The grey aliens attempting to burst out of her breasts were stopped by the extreme cold of her self-sacrifing slide.

Thus was the world saved.

Van Helsing said...

After falling through, Bertha became wedged in a hole in the ice. Fortunately she was able to fly free with a vigorous exhalation of flatulence. Unfortunately she was to land a moment later, once again wedged into a hole in the ice, but this time face-down.

Rufus Leaking said...

"What an icehole!"

Capt. Queeg said...

"...as Europe's cold snap continues, another whale has beached itself on the Thames.."

Citizen Grim said...

"Don't worry about me, you fool, look behind you! Hillary is doing the robot!"

Citizen Grim said...

The mad geneticists in Leningrad would soon learn the error of their ways, as the Boa-Woman devoured Alexei in broad daylight and turned toward Boris with malice in her eyes.

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sonicfrog said...

V, there's a good one on my blog you can also blatantly steal.

Mo K. said...

The conning tower of the Soviet submarine Komsomolets breaks through the ice cap so the crew can take a bearing.

Cybrludite said...

Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.

Cybrludite said...

Global warming my fat frozen @$$! Here, pull me out of this friggin' glacier...

Rodney Dill said...

"Ok, she didn't sink, Burn her"

sonicfrog said...

...still not quite getting that Superman's method of flying in the movies doesn't work in the real world.

sonicfrog said...

Quick, call Mulder and Scully. Tell them we found the Aliens... and tell Scully to wear a heavy sweater. I think these Aliens are hungry.

sonicfrog said...

Scully to Mulder: "No, for the last time, I don't care how much you want to, I won't let you remove the aliens with your teeth. Yes ther're flat and stuck on there good, but this requires a woman's touch".

sonicfrog said...

Cartman's "visitors" find the long sought nexus to the realm of 3D. And imagine their delight when they discover the portal to our world are a big pair of knockers.

Submariner said...

In Russia, we use our women as plow blades - two furrows in the ice with every pass!

Submariner said...

Sven replied "Join 'Polar Bears - Minneapolis?' Why not; you see my wife out there on the pond? You know I already have blue balls..."

Submariner said...

"Land of the Midnight Sun," indeed. I've been laying here for hours and don't seem to be getting any tanner...

Submariner said...

Hey baby; 20 bucks for a "frosty?"

Submariner said...

Inga always went the extra mile for her baby. Here, she's seen attempting to make him a vanilla milkshake.

Submariner said...

Note to self:
Belly flops in summer - not the best plan. Belly flops in winter - really, really bad idea.

Submariner said...

Olga assists Vladivostock scientists in Arctic Ocean, glacier-shock-induced, tsnunami research.