Saturday, January 28, 2006

Check Your Head

1. "Yes, the hot glue burns a little at first, but do you want to be Little Miss Oshkosh, or not?"

2. "How the hell did you get a Go'a'uld mind control device stuck on your temple?"

3. "I'm gonna need a price check on Aisle 4."

4. "Yeah, she was about a quart low, but she'll be fine soon as I get this 10W30 into her."

5. "Dammit, which kid are you again? Here, I gotta scan your bar code."

6. "Good girl! Mommy's 'Circus of Head Lice' just moved another step closer to reality."

7. "Mmmm-hmm, I heard you, you're four months pregnant and showing, that's nice dear. Hey, your sister's body temperature is exactly 98.7. Ain't that somethin'?"

8. "There's a small micro-fracture in your positronic neural-net. Have Geordi check it out."

9. "Hey! I paid good money on QVC for this Home Phrenology Kit, so by-god we're going to use it."

10. Years later, Andrea would learn that there was no such thing as a 'Dork Detector,' but by that time, the damage had already been done.

From the usual source of hometown Americana who have got to have figured me out by now if they're serving up stuff like this.

15 comments:

sonicfrog said...

I thought Doctor Crusher said to press this button.... what's that frying smell?

sonicfrog said...

Well at least now we know where James Lilek's garage door remote went to.

sonicfrog said...

Disgusted with her husband for even thinking of hiring strippers for the Super Bowl, Emma tries to find a good hiding place for the TV remote and figures he'll never find it in his daughter's head.

Submariner said...

Emily sighed, "You won't lose your glasses again, now that I've stapled them to you, eh?"

Submariner said...

Shut up! The basal thermometer temps method worked for your sister, didn't it?

Van Helsing said...

Testing showed that the new French tasers were only effective at extremely close range.

Mo said...

Johnny Knoxville: "Stupid bitch, you're doing it wrong! You take 'em by surprise with the shears."

Whoopsie-Daisey said...

Vermont middle schoolers have begun hanging commercial products from their earlobes. Here, Edward Cashman's grand-daughter prepares for an outing with the Judge by selecting Oil of Olay, "just in case."

Submariner said...

Quagmire smiled; "Giggidy, giggidy - a trifecta!"

Submariner said...

Dammit, hold still! How can I remove the alien tracking device so we can raise the "Grey" babies if you girls won't hold still?

Submariner said...

Abi finished preps by stapling on ear-baubles. "Now get out there, hit the streets and let's see how much our orphanage can raise for keeping Al Franken on the air!"

Submariner said...

No one will ever buy you as a smelly pirate hooker without large hooped earings...

Submariner said...

OK girls, that does it for the tracking chips. Time for your anal probes...

Mr. Right said...

As the far left's anti-war movement finally took hold, the army began taking recruits wherever it could get them. Here, the members of Girl Scout Troop 429 are prepared for their first day of bootcamp.

Whoopsie-Daisey said...

C'mon, Angie. I need you to increase production to match your sister's ear-wax output. We need at least a bushel to plant the potatoes...