Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Beyond Childbearing Hips

1. "Not in the ear! Not in the ear! How many times do I have to tell you, you stupid bitch! Not in the ear!"

2. "Do not take the brown morning-after pills. Repeat.Stay away from the brown morning-after pills."

3. "Ah, breaker one-nine, this here's the Rubber Duck. You gotta copy on me, Pig Pen, c'mon? Ah, yeah, 10-4, Pig Pen, fer shure, fer shure. Yeah, that's a big 10-4 there, Pig Pen, yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy..."

4. "All right, next question: Ellen, or Rosie?"

5. "All right, fellow smelly pirates hookers. Who's up for some bawdy sea chanties?"

6. "Okay, I think we have our winner in the 'Most Retarded Hat' competition."

7. "Heeeere she is....Miss Bir-ken-stock...."

8. "You better hold that closer, my Miracle Ear just crapped out again."

Best of Lyn
1 dolla bid a bid a 1 dolla, who'll give me 2... 2 dolla? 2 dolla bid who'll bid a 2 dolla?

Yes, I suffer from furniture disease. That's when my chest drops down to my drawers.

Best of Jonathan H
"Attention, attention. If you have lost a coat hanger, please come forward and identify it to get it back."

"Attention, there is a 1960 Volkswagen Bus with their lights on."

Best of Rufus Leaking
Wow, the guys at my Ikea never demonstrate how to use the hangers! They just let ya buy 'em and figure out how to use them yourself!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yes, yes, we're just for rumpled clothes, piled in a heap on the floor. Don't hang up nothin'."

Best of Cybrludite
The one in the pink hat is the "teenaged catholic shcoolgirl" you were wanking with on IM last night...

Best of Submariner
Yes, I put a rolled sock in each pocket for the "Andrew's" in the crowd. Next question?

We are focusing the anti-Rovian ray from this hand-held field unit so everyone can remove there tin-foil for the news crews. I repeat. It is now safe to remove all foil-wear for the news crew footage...

Hillary? Senator Hillary Rodham? Your keys were drawn, so come on up and get your girl.

And we find it not only wrong, but morally reprehensible to fish your own keys out of a locked car...

"I'm, too sexy for my sweatshirt, too sexy for my sweatshirt, so sexy it hurts..."

Best of Van Helsing
Not only does the coathanger symbolize enthusiasm for abortion, it can also be used to recieve signals from the benevolent beings from outer space, which are then helpfully translated for the audience.

Best of Mr. Right
More than twenty years after its initial release, crowds of enthusiastic fans would still gather from far and wide for midnight screenings of "Mommie Dearest"...

"And we have a message for The Little Dutch Boy: We're coming for you, assh**e!"

Photos From Zombie

32 comments:

Lyn said...

1 dolla bid a bid a 1 dolla, who'll give me 2... 2 dolla? 2 dolla bid who'll bid a 2 dolla?

PS Thanks for linking to Bloggin' Outloud. lgp

Jonathan H said...

"Attention, attention. If you have lost a coat hanger, please come forward and identify it to get it back."

Jonathan H said...

"Attention, there is a 1960 Volkswagen Bus with their lights on."

Rufus Leaking said...

Wow, the guys at my Ikea never demonstrate how to use the hangers! They just let ya buy 'em and figure out how to use them yourself!

Rufus Leaking said...

Instructions? They come with instructions? Heck my hat didn't come with instructions!

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes, yes, we're just for rumpled clothes, piled in a heap on the floor. Don't hang up nothin'."

Rufus Leaking said...

Be very, very careful where you point these - they could go off without warning!

Cybrludite said...

The one in the pink hat is the "teenaged catholic shcoolgirl" you were wanking with on IM last night...

Submariner said...

Yes, I put a rolled sock in each pocket for the "Andrew's" in the crowd. Next question?

Submariner said...

Has anyone lost an IUD? That's I - YOU - DEE, not IED...

Submariner said...

We are focusing the anti-Rovian ray from this hand-held field unit so everyone can remove there tin-foil for the news crews. I repeat. It is now safe to remove all foil-wear for the news crew footage...

Submariner said...

Does anyone here have a job?
>crickets chirping<
Has anyone here bathed this week?
>crickets chirping<
Has anyone here defended their country?
>crickets chirping<
Has anyone here ever protested without knowing why?
>Yeeeeaaarrrgh! clop, clop, clop, clop!<

Submariner said...

Conventional Moonbat theology: make it impossible for us to be here to eliminate all problems. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...)

Submariner said...

Overweight, easily led, gay-loving, probably a dope-smoker, and definitely would-a-been a draft dodger if male. This chick is in danger if Bill Clinton sees her!

Submariner said...

Would the jackass that sent my biyotch, Kimberly, this pick up note please meet me in the parking lot for an ass-kicking?

Submariner said...

Hillary? Senator Hillary Rodham? Your keys were drawn, so come on up and get your girl.

Submariner said...

And we find it not only wrong, but morally reprehensible to fish your own keys out of a locked car...

Van Helsing said...

Not only does the coathanger symbolize enthusiasm for abortion, it can also be used to recieve signals from benevolent beings from outer space, which are then helpfully translated for the audience.

The Man said...

No... wire... hangers. What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you: no wire hangers EVER?

The Man said...

NO I WILL NOT SING "My Red Hooded Sweatshirt"!

The Man said...

There are too many police here, we need to cancel the firebombing of the Pro-lifers. I repeat Abort the operation....Abort Abort Abort.

Submariner said...

Mike al'Moore's sister, Gay leads a crowd for "real life" documentary footage;
"OK, when the police show up, start clutching body parts, spinning and falling down, moaning. Everyone have their zip locks filled with catchup? Good, don't forget to fall ON them..."

Submariner said...

ORA with a hat tip to Ruby(music) and Kalmar(lyric):

I don't know what they have to say,
It makes no difference anyway --
Whatever it is, I'm against it!
No matter what it is or who commenced it,
I'm against it.


works for the pic below, also

Submariner said...

"I'm, too sexy for my sweatshirt,
too sexy for my sweatshirt, so sexy it hurts..."

Submariner said...

Early in her career, Sally Struthers pimped out-of-work lesbians. She got few "adoptions." Ironically, while eating her 14th serving at a Kings Table Buffet in Grosse Point, she hit on the plan to show starving kids...

Mr. Right said...

More than twenty years after its initial release, crowds of enthusiastic fans would still gather from far and wide for midnight screenings of "Mommie Dearest"...


[Unrelated: This was my word verification for this entry:"yerfukwx"! What the...???]

Mr. Right said...

Take a good look at this photograph...

Does anyone think these two have anything to worry about in terms of pregnancy?

Anybody???

Buehler... Buehler...

Mr. Right said...

"Pssst, Barbara! I think your sweatshirt's on backwards! The hammer and sickle go in the front, don't they?"

Mr. Right said...

Once again, V the K accidentally posts a "Thursday" photo a day early!

Mr. Right said...

"And we have a message for The Little Dutch Boy: We're coming for you, assh**e!"

Lyn said...

Yes, I suffer from furniture disease. That's when my chest drops down to my drawers.

Prough91 said...

I got you, babe. I got you , babe.