Tuesday, December 20, 2005

You Could Break Your Back Doing That


1. Jeremy's notorious "Brokeback Mountin'" move struck terror into the hearts of all competitors.

2. "I'm pretty sure this is NOT how you perform the Heimlich maneuver."

3. Um, yippee-ki-yi-yea?

4. The wrestling team from Barney Frank High School was known for their come-from-behind victories.

5. Jeremy and Tyler stump everyone with their charade of "Barney Frank's subconscious."

6. The team always dreaded meets against Neverland High School.

7. "This stopped being a wrestling match five minutes ago. Now, you're just on vacation."

8. It's been on my list for a long time.

9. "But what about my needs?"

10. It got really weird when it turned out neither one of them was actually on a team.

11. "Dude, get offa me! The floor did not turn into lava. Man, what kind of 'roids are you on?"

12. The worst was yet to come. Two minutes after this picture was taken, they started girlishly slapping each other.

Jesse Jackson says: Ssssh! Don't tell these people how I'm messing with their wholesome Americana.

29 comments:

Submariner said...

ORA:

After watching the meet, Dale Evans said she'd also like to be "stuffed and mounted," though not necessariliy in that order and not necessarily by Roy.

Submariner said...

Judges deducted 2 points for improper reach-around technique, resulting in Armand's bronze at the International Gay Games.

Submariner said...

The crowd was apalled when Heath offered to "push in your stool" and Jake accepted.

Submariner said...

Allahululululululuu Snackbar!

Ahmed and Muhammed enjoyed the idyllic childhood games preparing them for martyrdom.

Submariner said...

I'll take "Andrew Sullivan's Dreams" for $500, Alex...

Submariner said...

ORA:

Oh I am sporting a tremendous woody now!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Yeah, it's effective, but what wrestling rule book sanctions the "Power Colon Ram"?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"OK, now cough."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Yeah, it's effective, but what wrestling rule-book sanctions the "San Francisco Backpack"?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"You think this would be more fun if we dressed up like dalmations?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Jeremy gained the advantage by softly whispering the words "do you feel that?" into David's ear.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Is it really protection to wear a jock strap over your ear?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Pssst, Greg... I've found the secret to having no panty lines... and it feels GOOD!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

Sure, it's okay, bu at least when we play Michigan, we get one helluva reach-around.

Submariner said...

Barry applies both the "Elton John Reach-around" and the "Cindy Sheehan thigh-crush" simultaneously, reducing his opponent to Mike Farrell-sized tears.

The Man said...

(insert Andrew Sullivan quip here)

The Man said...

This is how they deal with a Transit strike in The Village.

Tess Turbo said...

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Prough91 said...

He's not heavy. He's my brother

Submariner said...

So Freddy, what say we head over to the mall after the match for some pudding?

Submariner said...

Even as a teen, Sam continually ran into problems when he performed a "Quantum Leap."

bubbalove said...

Here, young wretlers Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall can be seen in an eerie precursor to some later roles in life.

or

TONITE ON BBW!
(That's BrokeBack Wrestling for you uninitiated)
See Stan 'The Humper' Turner ride Johnny 'The Wide Reciever' Johnson all the way to satisfaction..er..victory!

Submariner said...

Are you sure Vince McMahon started this way?

Submariner said...

Get your own bi-yatch, Kobe. This one's no longer open.

Jonathan said...

Due to the increasingly embarassing PR it received, Fire Island High School decided to scrap its wrestling team.

Jonathan said...

"No, Nigel! When I said 'Let's play some water sports afterwards', I wasn't talking about water polo!"

sonicfrog said...

WWWwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Rodney Dill said...

Kermit was allowed back onto the wrestling team after the incident with the sheep was reduced to just following too close.

Frank IBC said...

"Wipe that smile off your face, you smirking slut."

-Gen. Dreedle (Orson Welles), Catch-22