Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Wholesome, Inoffensive, Kid's Christmas Choir



1. "If you wanna get down, down on the ground; cocaine/She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; cocaine."

2. "She said somethin' that I couldn't believe/ So I grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy ass weave/She started talkin' shit, would'nt you know?/I reached back like a pimp and I slapped the ho'..."

3. "It's rainin' men/Hallelujah!/It's rainin' men!"

4. "Here we are now/ Entertain us/ I feel stupid and contagious/ Here we are now/ Entertain us..."

5. "I knew a girl named nikki/I guess u could say she was a sex fiend/ I met her in a hotel lobby/Masturbating with a magazine..."

6. "We want the funk/Give up the funk/Yow!/We need the funk/Gotta have yo' funk!"

7. "What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you/ What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you."

8. "Big bottom/Big bottom/Talk about mud flaps/My girl's got 'em..."

9. "I do whatever i want to, to ya/I'll nail your ass to the sheets/A pelvic thrust and the sweat starts to sting ya/I f*** like a beast ... "

10. "I am woman/Hear me roar/In numbers too large to ignore..."

Best of Submariner
Having thought she was just a leftover Halloween decoration, the kids gave a collective shriek when Helen Thomas moved.

"The roof! The Roof! The ROOF is on fire!/We don't need know water/Let the MF burn!"

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan Francisco where the gays find a sympathetic queer!

Best of Son Of The Godfather

"She's a very kinky girl / The kind you don't bring home to mother..."

"Chuck, Chuck, Bo-buck, Banana-fanna..."

The kids had never seen a lesbian knife fight before.

Best of Cybrludite
Gary Glitter's dream date.

Best of Divine Miss M
The kids had never seen semi-nude, dalmation-clad, limp-wristed, bead-adorned houseboys before.

Best of Occasional Reader
The children's choir is SO much better motivated ever since we had those "Agonizers" installed on their sternums.

Best of sonicfrog
I like big butts and I can not lie/You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste/And a round thing in your face
You get sprung...

Get up, come on get down with the sickness [x3]
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me

She fucking hates me/ la la la love...

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"I've got an appetite for sex/'cuz me so horny/oh, me so horny/ Me love you long time!"

Best of Kevin Walker
I pissed my pants,
The toilet was just too damn far
I drunk too much damn beer.
I tried to hold it in,
But my bladder just gave in,
And I pissed right through my drawer,
Right through my Wrangeler drawers,
I pissed, I pissed, I pissed my drawers.

Best of Occasional Reader
Highlights from the ACLU's "Non-Denominational Festive Season" Children's Concert: "We wish you a culturally-appropriate festive season/we wish you a culturally-appropriate festive season..."

Best of Prough91
Father O'Donelly's wet dream.

It came from here.

41 comments:

Submariner said...

In local news, Hillary Clinton exposed herself at Mrs. Doubtfire's 4th grade class in Ipswich...

Submariner said...

What? Andrew Sullivan does WHAT for kicks?!?

Son Of The Godfather said...

That's right, children... John Kerry came THAT close to stealing the election!

(mornin' Sub)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hey, check out Helen Thomas in her Spandex Aerobics outfit!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"She's a super-kinky girl / The kind you don't bring home to mother..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

That's what's left when you ban all references to "Christmas" from your school program... a long, collective yawn.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I'm giving 10 to 1 odds that any one of these tykes could kick Al Franken's ass.

Cybrludite said...

Gary Glitter's dream date.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Chuck, Chuck, Bo-buck, Banana-fanna..."

(mornin' cybr)

Son Of The Godfather said...

I really shouldn't, but what the hell:
"OK, now we're gonna whip this communion wafer into the crowd and one of you, by receiving the Body of Christ, will receive Eternal Salvation! The rest of you, unfortunately, will burn in hellfire for all time. Ready?"

Cybrludite said...

Lavinia Whateley's second grade class is awstruck when she finished the incantation of "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur!" & caused Hillary to appear.

(Morning, SOTG. Just getting ready to head out from work. Stupid 96 mile commute. Each way.)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ok, Jem'Hadar children, prepare for your Ketracil White as we give thanks to the Founders."

(yikes, cybr! My commute is a scant 2.5 miles! heh ;)

Van Helsing said...

Socialized dentistry may necessitate cost-cutting measures, such as group checkups.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The kids had never seen a lesbian knife fight before.

Divine Miss M said...

The kids had never seen semi-nude, dalmation-clad, limp-wristed, bead-adorned houseboys before.

Submariner said...

Having thought she was just a left over Halloween decoration, the kids gave a collective shriek when Helen Thomas moved.

Mornin' SOTG, et al. Cybr - my commute is also 96 miles, but that's round trip. My heart goes out to you!

Divine Miss M said...

The night-shift custodian, a cousin of Nick Lachey's neighbor's former hairstylist's assistant, forgot to switch back, so when Sr. Mary Immaculata pressed play, instead of the Christmas pageant, the big screen behind the kids was filled with Nick & Jessica's sex tape.

Submariner said...

Certain "Bambi" parody scenes were cut from Ace Venture, Pet Gigolo due to test audience reactions.

AM42 said...

Reverend Lovejoy soon realized that 'In the Garden of Eden' by I. Ron Butterfly was not a traditional hymn.

(damn, sotg has me by half a mile)

occasional reader said...

The children's choir is SO much better motivated ever since we had those "Agonizers" installed on their sternums.

sonicfrog said...

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung...

Submariner said...

"Now repeat after me, class:
Oval Office. Omygawd... Oh! Oh! Oh! excuse me for a few minutes..."

Andrew Sullivan provides pronunciation training.

sonicfrog said...

Get up, come on get down with the sickness [x3]
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up come on get down with the sickness
You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift, that has been given to me...

sonicfrog said...

She fucking hates me
trust
she fucking hates me
la la la love...

Submariner said...

We don't need no education...
We don't need no thought control.
No Kerry's, Pelosi's, or Howard Dean...
DNC leave us kids alone!

Submariner said...

What do you mean "Lassie is really a boy?"

Submariner said...

D*mn, Susie! What did you dip these blowgun darts in?

Submariner said...

Mr. Frank!!! It was your finger that you were supposed to dip in the purple ink!


CONGRATULATIONS to Iraqi's everywhere!

sonicfrog said...

And Now!

The Vienna Boys Chior sings the Greatest HitS by Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine!!!

Jonathan said...

"I've got an appetite for love/'cuz me so horny!

Me love you long time!"

Submariner said...

The roof! The Roof! The ROOF is on fire!

Submariner said...

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Francisco where the gays find a sympathetic queer!

Divine Miss M said...

"Say, are those two semi-nude, dalmation-clad, limp-wristed, bead-adorned houseboys yonder are looking for a ride?"

Kevin Walker said...

Get a job,
You bumbumbumbum.
Money don't grow on trees,
You bumbumbumbum.

Donnie the Retard,
Had an eight pound water head.
He was five-foot-three,
And he said to me,
"I like tatter tots."

I pissed my pants,
The toilet was just too damn far
I drunk too much damn beer.
I tried to hold it in,
But my bladder just gave in,
And I pissed right through my drawer,
Right through my Wrangeler drawers,
I pissed, I pissed, I pissed my drawers.

Submariner said...

"We're ALL advancing to Ms. Lafave's class?"

Boys - "H'raaaaaaaaay!"
Girls - "Craaaaaaaaap!"

occasional reader said...

Highlights from the ACLU's "Non-Denominational Festive Season" Children's Concert:


"We wish you a culturally-appropriate festive season/we wish you a culturally-appropriate festive season..."

Chip said...

AIEEEEEE!

Here comes Father Blumpkin!

Prough91 said...

A Catholic priest's wet dream.

Attmay said...

Please allow me to introduce myself, /
I'm a man of wealth and taste

Attmay said...

When I start makin' love,
I don't just make love,
I be strokin', that's what I be doin',
I be strokin'.

I stroke it to the east,
I stroke it to the west,
I stroke it to the woman that I love best...

Attmay said...

(ORA)

As the kids sang "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow," they couldn't help but stare as Mrs. Sutphin beat an elderly woman to death with a leg of lamb.