Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Welcome to Hell, Tookie. Here's Your Accordion.


1. Mike Farrell feels Schwarzenneggar's long-distance bitch slap and cries like a little girl.

2. "This is the cheek where Tookie kissed me. I'll never wash it again."

3. "No, seriously, if I don't wear a sports bra, they hang down to here."

4. Mike Farrell is not prepared for the intensity of his first Altoid, and cries like a little girl.

5. "No, you can not save Tookie by storing enough nuts in your cheek to get him through the long, cold, winter. Focus, Mike!"

6. "That buck can put his nuts in my cheek anytime," Andrew Sullivan replied.

7. (Really, Really, Really ORA) - Pete and Julie knew they'd soon have to stage an intervention about Linc's steroid abuse.

8. "Why doesn't he call me? I feel so used." Mike Farrell then threw himself on the bed and cried like a little girl.

9. "Wow! Four blades really does make a difference. I can't wait to use it on my butt."

10. "What if we're wrong?" The sign says. Get a clue. You're liberals. You're always wrong.

Best of Submariner
Tookie deserves clemen - >SLAP! - SLAP!< - Thanks! I needed that!"

I guess Tokkie is now enjoying his 72 smelly pirate hookers...

Wow! I coulda had a V-8!

No, seriously. EVERYthing about that man was big. The family jewels were like this!

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
SNL decides to re-run the popular skit "The Dark Side with Nat X", despite unfounded rumors of Chris Rock's steroid abuse.

Best of sonicfrog
Mike Farrell realizes the state of California has just destroyed a potential wildlife habitat -- Tookie William's Fro!

Best of Van Helsing
It finally sinks in to Farrell that he has had his last conjugal visit with Tookie. But at least there's still the farm at Enumclaw.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
You think they called me "B.J." Hunnicut for something else?... Man, that hurt my cheek!

"You mean no one really cares what a washed-up, second-rate actor thinks?!?... What the hell have we become?"

"Arnold has denied clemency?... Get Geena Davis on the phone, NOW!"

"Oh, Rochester..."

Best of Kevin Walker
"Sod off swampy!" Elton John cries. "I saw him first!"

Best of Occasional Reader
Mike Farrell is stunned by the realization that not even wearing his off-centered "BUT WHAT IF WE'RE WRONG?" micro-miniskirt made any difference in the end.

"You see? Making fun of your victim's choking noises isn't all that bad. Look, Mike's choking right now, and *I'm* making fun of him."

Photo: (AP Photo/Dino Vournas)

35 comments:

Submariner said...

That was JuDD for the defense, idiot, not juggs for the defense... And I don't qualify that way - they'd have to be down to here!

Submariner said...

Mike Farrell realizes the roofies just kicked in, and cries for a little girl...

Submariner said...

Mike Farrell, Aqua Velva spokesman:

"Tookie deserves clemen - >SLAP! - SLAP!< - Thanks! I needed that!"

And V? I liked the Mod Squad way back when...

Jonathan said...

Re: the picture of Tookie...

SNL decides to re-run the popular skit "The Dark Side with Nat X", despite unfounded rumors of Chris Rock's steroid abuse.

Submariner said...

I guess Tokkie is now enjoying his 72 smelly pirate hookers...

Jonathan said...

"Really, Mr. Farrell? You never noticed your uncanny resemblance to Senator McCain?"

Submariner said...

Wow! I coulda had a V-8!

sonicfrog said...

Mike Farrell realizes the state of California has just destroyed a potential wildlife habitat -- Tookie William's Fro!

Submariner said...

You can't be serious! ALL these law books and there isn't ONE time that the flaming liberal position ended up being right?

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Submariner said...

A stay, I tell you. A stay! Cindy Sheehan promised!

sonicfrog said...

Holy Crap! That's one mean lookin' fro!!!

Submariner said...

No, seriously. EVERYthing about that man was big. The family jewels were like this!

Submariner said...

It would have been more sporting to let him loose in the swamp and send out an 8 year old, female, Maryland, NRA member and her rifle.

Van Helsing said...

It finally sinks in to Farrell that he has had his last conjugal visit with Tookie. But at least there's still the farm at Enumclaw.

Son Of The Godfather said...

You think they called me "B.J." Hunnicut for something else?... Man, that hurt my cheek!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Moonbats ask:
WHAT IF WE'RE WRONG?

If YOU are wrong, you libtard idiots,
Then:
Cindy Sheehan really is a coffin-straddling media whore.

Jane Fonda really is a syphylitic traitor.

Jesse Jackson really ought to be ostracised for counseling folks about "fidelity" while having a secret love child.

The MSM really does have a major liberal bias.

Sean Penn may not have been able to save New Orleans with a red plastic cup.

etc., etc.

Son Of The Godfather said...

If only Tookie had shown that much remorse, he might not be playing butt-darts with the devil right now.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"You mean no one really cares what a washed-up, second-rate actor thinks?!?... What the hell have we become?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Arnold has denied clemency?... Get Geena Davis on the phone, NOW!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

SOTG from somewhere in that library:
Best Nelson Muntz laugh: "HA HA!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

I swear this isn't a racial comment:
Tookie's little pose there reminds me of that blurry-image footage of "bigfoot" running into the woods.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Very Old ORA:
"Oh, Rochester..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Best acting Mr.Farrell's done in ages.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"No more 'Tookie Books'?... It's like they just killed Shakespeare!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Mike realizes that it's up to him to search for the "real killers" now.

Son Of The Godfather said...

His murdering thug hero denied clemency and an abscessed tooth all in one day... "Damn, where's my bong?"

Kevin Walker said...

Love your #1, V.

Continuation of #6:

"Sod off swampy!" Elton John cries. "I saw him first!"

Submariner said...

When asked for comment on what Tookie is doing now, Jim Carrey responded "sssssSSSSSSSSSMOKIN"

occasional reader said...

"... and as it turns out, the case reporters that had the relevant precedents for saving Tookie's life just happened to be the ones we chucked out to make room for the 'PUT EVERYTHING ON HOLD' signs. Talk about irony!"

occasional reader said...

[whoops... amended and restated post]

"... and as it turns out, the case reporters that had the relevant precedents for saving Tookie's life just happened to be the ones we chucked out to make room for the 'PUT EXECUTIONS ON HOLD' signs. Talk about irony!"

occasional reader said...

Mike Farrell is stunned by the realization that not even wearing his off-centered "BUT WHAT IF WE'RE WRONG?" micro-miniskirt made any difference in the end.

occasional reader said...

"You see? Making fun of your victim's choking noises isn't all that bad. Look, Mike's choking right now, and *I'm* making fun of him."

Son Of The Godfather said...

They say that at the moment just before execution, a man can lose control of his bowels...
One wonders... Did Tookie dookie?

Kevin Walker said...

After finding a pimple on his cheek, Mike Farrell cries like a little girl.