1. Howard Hughes angrily demands that the youth return his urine jars.
2. Everyone agreed Helen Thomas looked smashing in her new top hat.
3. Wouldn't Scrooge have been a much cooler movie if Ebeneezer had been a giant ape who terrorized the city? What do you mean, 'No?'
4. "Tiny Tim! Get your ass back in front of that webcam right now! We've got 600 subscribers to CrippedKinkCamboi-dot-com who paid good money to see you naked with a Black Lab!"
5. But when he pulled it, there was nothing but a puff of dust and a scent of weak gruel.
6. "Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart." Suddenly, the police had an unexpected clue to that spree of bizarre prostitute murders in Yorkshire.
7. "Get out of here boy! There's only enough room on this handcart for me and my three wives to get to Salt Lake City."
8. "You swapped my 92 Geo Metro for this wagon? Damn, Tiny Tim, you're a better negotiator than I thought!"
9. "Take my hand/Take my whole life,too/But I can't help/Falling in love with you..."
Best of Kevin Walker
"Tiny Tim! I am in need of a smelly pirate hooker! Fetch me one this instand, biatch!"
"All right! Who took my collection of vaguely homoerotic football and wrestling pictures? Was it you, Tiny Tim?"
Best of lawhawk
Release the hounds...
You.. yes you behind the bandstand... stand still with it.. How can you have any pudding and still eat your meat?
Best of bubbalove
"I say, Mum! It's 'arry Reid! What the bloody 'ell is 'e doin' 'ere?!" "SHUTUP YOU WORTHLESS URCHIN! BAAAAH!"
Best of Cybrludite
And now, Young Jedi, you will die!
Best of Prough91
You've got to be this tall to ride Scrooge.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Gary Glitter makes his selection in this photo from Reuters, Cambodia.
Best of Submariner
Quentin Tarrantino's Tiny-Tim finale was oddly reminiscent of Gallagher's "Sledge-o-matic" routine...
Back when Jake and I were young we had a "Christmas Pudding" together worth remembering!
Joan Rivers finally reached the point where she could not have another lift.