Monday, December 19, 2005

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

1. "Damn it! Looks like some hippes have set up camp in the ditch outside my ranch. Better break out the old hockey mask and fire up the wood chipper."

2. Cheney snarled. "What kind of wuss needs a chainsaw to dismember a corpse?"

3. "Nope. No gay cowboys around here. Not anymore."

4. "I'm ready. Is Hillary's armpit hair ready?"

5. It went against the better judgment of the rest of the administration, but Dick Cheney insisted that his Adrienne Barbeau-bot would be equipped with chainsaw hands.

6. "Geez Cheney, leave some zombies for the rest of us, gosh!"

7. President Bush prepares to take Heather Chandler up on her offer.

8. "Sure, go ahead. Tell the police the President of the United States trashed your camper with a chainsaw. I'm so sure they'll totally believe you!"

9. W always made such a production out of meeting Barb and Jenna's new boyfriends.

10. "You're a pussy, Nugent. Let me show you how a real man hunts a bear."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Heeeeeeere's Georgie!"

"Come with me if you want to live."

With Pelosi, Reid, and Boxer given their headstart, George set out to hunt the most dangerous game.

Best of Rodney Dill
Dubya: "I done, I just cut a cord of wood today."
Reporter: "Doesn't sound like much with a chainsaw, but I guess you're concerned with conserving gas."
Dubya: "This uses gas?"

Best of catbat
"bzzzzzzz! there go my nipples again."

Best of Bubbalove
Here, President Bush can be seen during his screen test for his Hollywood debut flick "I Dismember Democrats'.

Best of Submariner
OK. You three - Kerry, Reid, Kennedy - we're gonna play a little game. Kennedy? Let me hear you squeal like a pig...

Oh Hillary? I've got a weight reduction program for you that is 100% SURE to remove at least 25 pounds before the 2006 campaign season...

Just think, if the nation screwed up the election, you'd be talkin to a man with a Vidal Sassoon hair dryer on his hip instead...

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"PATRIOT Act vote? Yeah, 220...221; whatever it takes."

Best of Prough91
Who says Dubya ain't tough? He's got a chainsaw for a pecker and when he needs a leaf blower, he eats a burrito.

Cribbed from All Things Beautiful on an Anonymous Tip

25 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Hell I don't need the Vice President to help me clear out these protestors, I said I was bringin' my dick chainy.

-or-

Speak softly and carry a chainsaw.

occasional reader said...

Critics were astonished when Home Movies of George W. Bush Clearing Brush outperformed Brokeback Mountain in Bay-area cinemas.

Rodney Dill said...

"Wanna buy some wood now Kerry?"

3,4, and 9 are hilarious

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Heeeeeeere's Georgie!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

With Pelosi, Reid, and Boxer given their headstart, George set out to hunt the most dangerous game.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I got an enima delivery for a mister Kerry?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I'm here to chew gum and hack up New York Times reporters... and I'm all outta bubble gum!"

Rodney Dill said...

Dubya: "I done, I just cut a cord of wood today."
Reporter: "Doesn't sound like much with a chainsaw, but I guess you're concerned with conserving gas."
Dubya: "This uses gas?"

catbat said...

#5: bzzzzzzz! there go my nipples again.

bubbalove said...

"OH MY GOD IT'S A BUSHBOT!!!" screamed Hillary, Harry Reid and John F'n Kerry as the figure suddenly whirled, it's left hand transformed into a Democrat Deconstruction Device.

or

Here, President Bush can be seen during his screen test for his Hollywood debut flick "I Dismember Democrats'.

Submariner said...

Them Dem's misunderestimated me one time too, durn many...

Submariner said...

Oh Hillary? I've got a weight reduction program for you that is 100% SURE to remove at least 25 pounds before the 2006 campaign season...

Submariner said...

Tell Reid I'm comin' after him and I'm packing about 14" of Texas hurt!

Submariner said...

Just think, if the nation screwed up the election, you'd be talkin to a man with a Vidal Sassoon hair dryer on his hip instead...

Submariner said...

Badges? We don't need no steenking badges!

ColoradoPatriot said...

Shouldn't-Be-Obscure-But-It-Probably-Is Referece of the Day:

"PATRIOT Act vote? Yeah, 220...221; whatever it takes."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Now, which one of ya pansy DC media guys was makin' fun of my glasses?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Not so ORA:
"Come with me if you want to live."

(CP: From Mr.Mom?)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"What we got heeya, Ms. Pelosi, is a failya to communicate..."

Rodney Dill said...

220... 221, excellent

Not too obscure, One Michael Keaton's best lines in that movie.

Van Helsing said...

It's nice to see that W is finally ready to respond to all that sniping from the Dems.

Submariner said...

OK. You three - Kerry, Reid, Kennedy - we're gonna play a little game. Kennedy? Let me hear you squeal like a pig...

Prough91 said...

Who says Dubya ain't tough? He's got a chainsaw for a pecker and a leaf blower for an a**hole.

Anonymous said...

Trapped in time.
Surrounded by evil.
Low on gas.


DaveP.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Anonymous - Nice one! (where's the boomstick? ;)