Saturday, December 17, 2005

Saturdays with Lileks I

'Cos, really, who's paying attention on the weekends.

1. "Well, somebody really went to town on their urine sample."

2. "Be careful with that bucket. It contains John Kerry's last shred of decency."

3. "It was sure nice of those cowboys to share their pudding with us."

4. Scene from the 1952 classic, They saved Hitler's Testicle.

5. "Take this bucket to Mr. Creosote's table... stat!"

6. "Ah, Piss Boy. Here, the King is waiting."

7. "Look Sergeant Schultz, just go out and bring back a bucket of fresh milk. If thinking of it as 'molesting the cow' helps you get the job done, whatever, man."

8. "Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too." "No!" "Water sucks. It really, really sucks...." The read went well, but the producers went with Henry Winkler and Adam Sandler instead of John Banner and Dean Martin.

9. "We just finisdhed cleaning out Jeffrey Dahmer's gym locker. Do you think these kidneys belonged to anyone we knew?"

10. "There you go, Mr. Bond. Shaken, not stirred."

Best of lawhawk
Ted Kennedy, who loves to dress up for the Hogan's Heroes drinking game, prepares to down another shot.

Steady.... steady... Don't taunt the happy fun bucket.

Best of Rufus Leaking
Donald Sutherland says, "Yeah if I'd stayed in Canada, my career would be worth a warm buck of this stuff. . . "

Hillary Health Care? Why yes, I did get my glasses from Hillary Health Care. Everyone is entitled to one pair a year! Just like THESE!

Best of Rodney Dill
"I'm not a monster, I have the heart of a child, see."

Best of Prough91
Uh, Sir, I got King Kong's semen sample.

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Your two creepiest friends on a cold day with a warm bucked of slurry? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"

"Okay, Captain. Just one more, but promise me you won't slide off the friggin runway again. And take that stupid thing off your head; they'll think you're with United."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"What's the matter, not feeling so well today, Odo?"

"Yeah, I'll take one for the team and boink Pelosi to shut her up, but this ain't near enough tequila."

Best of Submariner
Uh, we only needed a drop of Hillary's blood to check whether or not she's human; but since she hasn't missed a photo op since you drained her, I think we can skip the whole microscope thing...

No kidding? You can tell where I'm from by what I throw up into this bucket?


Borrowed from Lileks

22 comments:

lawhawk said...

Ted Kennedy, your tequila shot is being prepared.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was Nancy Pelosi's brains exploding after giving that 'Democrats have a strategy speech'...

Steady.... steady... Don't taunt the happy fun bucket.

Chip said...

Thought you might want to tackle this one. Sheehan doing a pretty good Hitler.

http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/12/17/D8EI2P782.html

"Ve need Lebensraum!"

Rufus Leaking said...

Donald Sutherland says, "Yeah if I'd stayed in Canada, my career would be worth a warm buck of this stuff. . . "

Rufus Leaking said...

Donald Sutherland says, "My glasses? They're called 'BC' glasses, why?"

Rufus Leaking said...

Hillary Health Care? Why yes, I did get my glasses from Hillary Health Care. Everyone is entitled to one pair a year! Just like THESE!

Rufus Leaking said...

Try this on, Martin, that's the OLD style helmet. This is now the uniform of the day.

Rodney Dill said...

"I'm not a monster, I have the heart of a child, see."

Rufus Leaking said...

Uh, what do you mean what became of your chum? I haven't seen him, now throw this over the rail. . .

Rufus Leaking said...

You want to be a trusty shellback? Go fill this half way with steam and come back here.

Rufus Leaking said...

Neptune's Baby needs more olives. Don't spill them.

Prough91 said...

Uh, Sir, I got King Kong's semen sample.

What do ya mean "who's paying attention on the weekends"? Are you trying to insinuate I have a life, cause I don't and this is the only joy I have.

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Your two creepiest friends on a cold day with a warm bucked of slurry? Pepperidge Farm remembers!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"You've done well, my boy. Very well. Now get some more chloraform so from Johnson here and get out there and get another one!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Okay, Captain. Just one more, but promise me you won't slide off the friggin runway again. And take that stupid thing off your head; they'll think you're with United."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"What's the matter, not feeling so well today, Odo?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Yeah, I'll take one for the team and boink Pelosi to shut her up, but this ain't near enough tequila."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"So this is the funny part where I stick the funnel in your pants and pour the milk in..."

Submariner said...

Uh, we only needed a drop of Hillary's blood to check whether or not she's human; but since she hasn't missed a photo op since you drained her, I think we can skip the whole microscope thing...

Submariner said...

No kidding? You can tell where I'm from by what I throw up into this bucket?

Submariner said...

ORA

Look, when I said "drain a vein" so I could feed Seymore, I meant drain a vein, not take a leak...

Submariner said...

They call me "Crazy Eddie" but even with that much heroin, boinking Mikulski for the party is NOT an option...

Submariner said...

Sgt Schultz enjoys the latest wine imports from Carter and Newkirk's recent visit to town.