1. "We're satanists now! Blood Orgy! Blood Orgy!"
2. "Yeah, gramps, good to see you, whatever. All I know is, there better be a gawdamm PSP under the tree or I know some grown-ups who are gonna be spending a happy farkin' holiday with He Who Walks Behind the Corn."
3. "Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, a smelly pirate hooker gets the clap."
4. "It's a Wonderful life? Prove it!"
5. "Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Triple XXX Theater with glory holes in the men's room."
6. "I wouldn't be lighting any Advent candles around grandpa. I can smell the JD on his breath from here."
7. "Well, screw you intolerant hicks. I'm moving to Fire Island."
8. And then the family gathered around grandpa to hear the traditional belching of 'Silent Night.'
9. "Aw, you children look so happy. Too bad this will be the last Christmas ever because Santa died."
10. "Hey, do the rest of you see the singing and dancing turd in the toilet bowl, or am I still tripping?"
Best of ColoradoPatriot
The Baileys gather 'round while Uncle Billy tries to explain how he lost the deposit and drove Daddy to the brink of suicide. Moments later, Zuzu gnashes his testicles into hamburge while Janie plays "Hark!, The Herald Angels Sing" on the piano.
Best of Van Helsing
"Every time you hear a bell, a zombie drags a soul to hell."
Best of Rodney Dill
"Don't worry we'll get all the money back I invested it in Enron Stock"
For some obscure reason, Uncle Billy's recitation of the Theory of Relativity did not make the final cut.
Kid at Bottom: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up eating crayons."
Best of bubbalove
Look Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings, a Democrat goes to burn in hell.
Best of Cybrludite
Sing along everyone!
"O Yog Sothoth, O Yog Sothoth,
We worship you, O Yog Sothoth.
Who's Santa Claus, who's Jesus Christ?
We worship Yog 'cause he's not nice.
We'll celebrate with some stray dog,
Which we'll carve up and serve to Yog.
O Yog Sothoth, O Yog Sothoth...
We beg you, do not eat us."
(Lyrics from www.tomsmithonline.com)
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Festivities halted abruptly when Mr.Potter's bloodied body was discovered in the bank vault and George Bailey was booked on murder charges.
"Now we mustn't reference 'angels', dear ZuZu, as that implies a belief system which may offend our Bedford Falls Chapter of the ACLU."
Where the hell's my flux capacitor? The Delorean only has room for 1, maybe 2 passengers.
Best of Submariner
Things livened up when Uncle Billy announced, "Violet's still got it, and I gave it to her again last night for a fin!"
"Stand back while I whip this out..."