Wednesday, December 21, 2005
How Did I Miss This One?
1. "Aw, man, I just had the strangest dream that I was married to this horrible troll of a man like something out of Lord of the... aaaaarrrrrgh!"
2. Once again, Valerie's blissfully anal-retentive dreams were spoiled by a premonition that Joe was using a bong on their Pottery Barn apothecary table without a coaster.
3. Gomez and Morticia, the later years.
4. "Hey, Val, one of the twins just snarled and told me to 'Fark myself.' Care to come clean about those late nights with Cheney?"
5. "No, Val, that must have been one of the twins. Mine are silent and smell like rose petals."
6. "Joe's watching his Brokeback Mountain DVD again. I wonder if he'll want me to wear the chaps or the sheepskin teddy tonight."
7. Ah, all the elements of film noir. Artistic lighting, existential angst, and a protagonist with absolutely no redeeming virtues.
8. "How about you just kiss the dog goodnight, Mr. Halitosis of Death?"
9. "Oh my, Joe! You're home early! What a surpise! Um, remember that ad we placed in the Post for a nanny? Well, so far the only ones that have responded are, um, some sweaty Latino construction workers. They're in the bathroom, um, putting their pants on. It's, um, part of their culture, you know."
10. "Don't worry," the photographer said. "With artistic lighting and soft focus, I can make both of you look... um, great."
11. "What the Hell were we drinking last night? I feel like I've been sodomized by a live cougar."
Best of Prough91
I am Dieter. Velcome to Very boring German porn. Shall ve dance?
Best of jeff
Once again it's shown that it's actually "All about Joe" with Linda Plame just a confused figure in the background.
Best of Submariner
Joe? Have you been writing "To boink a secret agent, call Val Plame at BR-549" in WaPost men's rooms again?
Loose lips? HA! Don't I wish...
I was so excited that a Plame went down off Miami with no survivors. Then I found out the Post had a misprint... (Only because someone had the balls to make a more tasteless comment than my Matthew Shepard comment in Bareback Mountain thread. - V)
Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Nah, lady, you're way off...this is Lileks. Caption This! is two blocks down on the left."
(CP, if there were and end of year "Best of " list, this would definitely be on it.)
"Joe, there's a Mr. Death at the door. Something about the reaping?"
"Joe, it's someone from the Times on the phone. But don't worry, I put on my Swedish accent so I'm sure they have no idea I'm a Super-Dooper Top Secret covert agent. Whew, another close one!"
"Joe, how long have I been asleep? Did they find your dignity yet?"
Best of Rodney Dill
I thought you paid the electric bill this month.
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Velcome to Sprockets, I am your host Dieter. Today, we review the thrilling avant garte movie entitled 'She Loves Me, She Loves My Caribou'!"
Word to lawhawk's mother.