Wednesday, December 21, 2005

How Did I Miss This One?


1. "Aw, man, I just had the strangest dream that I was married to this horrible troll of a man like something out of Lord of the... aaaaarrrrrgh!"

2. Once again, Valerie's blissfully anal-retentive dreams were spoiled by a premonition that Joe was using a bong on their Pottery Barn apothecary table without a coaster.

3. Gomez and Morticia, the later years.

4. "Hey, Val, one of the twins just snarled and told me to 'Fark myself.' Care to come clean about those late nights with Cheney?"

5. "No, Val, that must have been one of the twins. Mine are silent and smell like rose petals."

6. "Joe's watching his Brokeback Mountain DVD again. I wonder if he'll want me to wear the chaps or the sheepskin teddy tonight."

7. Ah, all the elements of film noir. Artistic lighting, existential angst, and a protagonist with absolutely no redeeming virtues.

8. "How about you just kiss the dog goodnight, Mr. Halitosis of Death?"

9. "Oh my, Joe! You're home early! What a surpise! Um, remember that ad we placed in the Post for a nanny? Well, so far the only ones that have responded are, um, some sweaty Latino construction workers. They're in the bathroom, um, putting their pants on. It's, um, part of their culture, you know."

10. "Don't worry," the photographer said. "With artistic lighting and soft focus, I can make both of you look... um, great."

11. "What the Hell were we drinking last night? I feel like I've been sodomized by a live cougar."

Best of Prough91
I am Dieter. Velcome to Very boring German porn. Shall ve dance?

Best of jeff
Once again it's shown that it's actually "All about Joe" with Linda Plame just a confused figure in the background.

Best of Submariner
Joe? Have you been writing "To boink a secret agent, call Val Plame at BR-549" in WaPost men's rooms again?

Loose lips? HA! Don't I wish...

I was so excited that a Plame went down off Miami with no survivors. Then I found out the Post had a misprint... (Only because someone had the balls to make a more tasteless comment than my Matthew Shepard comment in Bareback Mountain thread. - V)

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Nah, lady, you're way off...this is Lileks. Caption This! is two blocks down on the left."
(CP, if there were and end of year "Best of " list, this would definitely be on it.)

"Joe, there's a Mr. Death at the door. Something about the reaping?"

"Joe, it's someone from the Times on the phone. But don't worry, I put on my Swedish accent so I'm sure they have no idea I'm a Super-Dooper Top Secret covert agent. Whew, another close one!"

"Joe, how long have I been asleep? Did they find your dignity yet?"

Best of Rodney Dill
I thought you paid the electric bill this month.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Velcome to Sprockets, I am your host Dieter. Today, we review the thrilling avant garte movie entitled 'She Loves Me, She Loves My Caribou'!"

Word to lawhawk's mother.

25 comments:

Prough91 said...

Though it didn't bother him at first, after twenty years Joe couldn't even bring himself to look at Val's hand stuck to head birth defect.

Prough91 said...

Very boring German porn.

jeff said...

Once again it's shown that it's actually "All about Joe" with Linda Plame just a confused figure in the background.

Submariner said...

Wow! I coulda had a V-8!

question is; which one was more likely to say it?

Submariner said...

Since I'm already up, would you like some yellow cake, dear?

Submariner said...

Joe? Have you been writing "To boink a secret agent, call Val Plame at BR-549" in WaPost men's rooms again?

Submariner said...

Hurry up, Val, we're already a half hour late for our NYT photo shoot about protecting your identity and we lose the police escort in 10 minutes!

Submariner said...

Loose lips? HA! Don't I wish...

Submariner said...

Why yes, she WAS a smelly pirate hooker once...

Submariner said...

I was so excited that a Plame went down off Miami with no survivors. Then I found out the Post had a misprint...

Kevin Walker said...

"Joe, I found a strap-on sitting in your chair with a picture of some youths wrestling. Would you mind explaining this to me?

ColoradoPatriot said...

ORA:

"Joe, there's a guy on the phone...a Mr. Death or something. Come about the reaping?"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Joe, it's someone from the Times on the phone. But don't worry, I put on my Swedish accent so I'm sure they have no idea I'm a Super-Dooper Top Secret covert agent. Whew, another close one!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Joe, how long have I been asleep? Did they find your dignity yet?"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Nah, lady, you're way off...this is Lileks. Caption This! is two blocks down on the left."

V the K said...

CP, if there were and end of year "Best of " list, the Lileks caption would definitely be on it.

ColoradoPatriot said...

[blush]
I demure at the feet of the master. "Forewarned", indeed.

Rodney Dill said...

I thought you paid the electric bill this month.

bubbalove said...

Joe - "I...I can't believe it."
Val - "Well, dumba**, I've told ya and told ya to call before you come home. What kinda undercover agent did you think I was? Why do you think I go to Vegas 6 months outta the year? Now I'll go finish 'pumping' the Chinese delegation upstairs for intel and you just sit there 'til you quit sulking...and then go get us some smokes."

Cybrludite said...

What do you mean, "WWL is reporting the levees have collapsed and 14" feet of water & raw sewage is heading for our house here in Lakeview"? Last night they were saying that we had "dodged a bullet"...

Van Helsing said...

"Never mind the bank heist, Val, I've got the perfect caper. We'll tell the media that George Bush doesn't care about CIA agents. They'll make us famous, and from there we write our own ticket."

Jonathan said...

"Velcome to Sprockets, I am your host Dieter. Today, we review the thrilling avant garte movie entitled 'She Loves Me, She Loves My Caribou'!"

Jonathan said...

The early reviews of Pleasantville II were not promising.

Submariner said...

Joe? How about you go get me a real man before I get my co-workers to go all Lord of the Flies on your butt?

Submariner said...

Now? We're working on an interesting little movie project Joe Biden wrote - "Escape From New York"