1. The real reason Santa keeps a list of bad girls. 2. It starts when you cut class to hang out in the hall with a couple of guys who promise you candy. It ends here.
3. I can't remember if this is from Miracle on 69 Street or Twas the Boink Before Christmas.
4. Santa then lifted up his belt to reveal the strategically placed mistletoe.
5. Billy really wanted that Xbox 360, and he knew that leaving out cookies and milk just wasn't going to cut it.
6. "Me love yule long time."
7. Vacationing in Vegas, Mrs. Claus works the slots and Mr. Claus works the sluts.
8. "Yeah, young chicks go nuts for old men who bring them lots of gifts. I taught Hef everything he knows."
9. "She must be really vulnerable after breaking up with that doofus Kevin Federline, Santa thought. "I am so going to score."
10. "Aw, these two hitch-hikers are really sweet," Santa thought. "Too bad neither of them is going to live to see the new year."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Gives new meaning to the term "stocking stuffer".
They give me jingle balls.
The blonde hair says "California nymphette", while the black eyebrows scream "Romulan spy".
Best of Submariner
I need a Lord of the Rings geek to tell me how to say "menage-a-trois" in elvish...
You can trust Santa: it ain't gonna be a silent night!
When I eat Peppermint and Patty, I get a sensation...
Best of AlphaMu42
Bad little boys get a lump of coal. Good little boys get a new toy train. Little boys who hack Santa's personal computer and find incriminating photos of Santa & Hermie... They get whatever the hell they want.
Best of lawhawk
Ah the Tannenbaum twins. I knew them well.
Best of Prough91
Damn, I wish I'd been better this year.
ROTO-REUTERS/Kim Kyung-Hoon
43 comments:
Somehow, the visions of their sugarplums are dancing in my head.
(Kudos on your #6 V - heh)
Santa's deposition: "I did not have sex with that elf."
If elves really looked like that, there would be like thousands of little white-haired cherubish kids all over the place (and no toys at Christmas).
If Bill the C. would a had my taste in women, the nation wouldn't have had a second thought about his "indiscretions"
top to bottom, a great set V. and your caps are good too! Mornin' SOTG
Hey, if Mrs.Claus can't tear herself away from Oprah long enough to interview the help, more power to Santa!
MUCH hotter than those skanks from Smurfville.
(mornin' Sub!)
After catching Donder, Comet and Cupid having that meange-a-trois, Santa decided to retool his operations.
Santa introduced the new accounting staff to the staff as "great figures, er... great with figures!"
I'm betting that Santa got tired of coming only once a year.
OK, you've got the wrestlers of questionable sexuality in one picture, then these elf-a-licious babes in another... Could we superimpose them into wrestling positions?
Next on Real Science:
Global Warming? Polar melting explained.
Gives new meaning to the term "stocking stuffer".
I need a Lord of the Rings geek to tell me how to say "menage-a-trois" in elvish...
That part of the song now makes sense to me:
Fall... on your knees... hear... the angels...
This Santa actually only weighs about 125. That ain't his belly making that belt stick out, not keeping these babes stay with him, if you get my drift?
Oh... Oh, come... all... ye...
Dear Santa,
Regarding the wishlist I sent you last week... F-ck that!... I'll take your two "helpers" for an hour.
Thanks,
Billy
You can trust Santa: it ain't gonna be a silent night!
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus...
I always told Mrs. Claus that when she turned 75, I was trading her in on three 25 year olds...
They give me jingle balls.
Let's keep the hands where we can see 'em, ok, Santa?
Timmy: "Mom, how come my toys is all sticky?"
"Hey toots, if you're lookin' for a sac o' toys, reach into my pants."
He keeps a list of who's been "naughty" or "nice", then throws that at you?... what's the point?
What part of her is guiding his sleigh tonight?
The blonde hair says "California nymphette", while the black eyebrows scream "Romulan spy".
FOX NEWS BREAKING:
The tide has changed in the "War on Christmas" with the introduction of a secret new weapon by the Kringle faction: The Yule-bot.
Santa's thought bubble - "I can't wait until it gets a bit colder so I can hang my icicles in strategic places..."
A different marketing approach saw the Salvation Army contributions increase exponentially.
V the K single-handedly resurrects the sagging "chimney installation" business.
Playing off of V's #6:
"Oh, me so Ho-Ho-Ho-rney..."
Naughty AND Nice.
Bad little boys get a lump of coal.
Good little boys get a new toy train.
Little boys who hack Santa's personal computer and find incriminating photos of Santa & Hermie...
They get whatever the hell they want.
Taking off on your #7 V.
Mrs. Claus worked the slots in Ceasar's Palace. Nick worked the slots in the street.
Santa thought bubble: Wanna see my not so little drummer boy?
Ah the Tannenbaum twins. I knew them well.
So now we know why those Santas rioted in New Zealand. They were fighting for the right to par-tay.
"Maybe those Prussian Blue chicks aren't so bad after all", thought Kris Kringle. "If I'm lucky, though, they'll still be 'naughty!'"
Damn, I wish I'd been better this year.
6 and 3 are great, V
It's nice to see that Santa finally got a little something for himself this year.
After them, I don't think the snow dude is so frosty...
When I eat Peppermint and Patty, I get a sensation...
Either this guy is really fat, or he is really, really turned on!
If you're gonna be a bad Santa, you might as well go all the way! Ho. Ho.
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