Thursday, December 22, 2005

Ho Ho Ho Indeed

1. The real reason Santa keeps a list of bad girls.

2. It starts when you cut class to hang out in the hall with a couple of guys who promise you candy. It ends here.

3. I can't remember if this is from Miracle on 69 Street or Twas the Boink Before Christmas.

4. Santa then lifted up his belt to reveal the strategically placed mistletoe.

5. Billy really wanted that Xbox 360, and he knew that leaving out cookies and milk just wasn't going to cut it.

6. "Me love yule long time."

7. Vacationing in Vegas, Mrs. Claus works the slots and Mr. Claus works the sluts.

8. "Yeah, young chicks go nuts for old men who bring them lots of gifts. I taught Hef everything he knows."

9. "She must be really vulnerable after breaking up with that doofus Kevin Federline, Santa thought. "I am so going to score."

10. "Aw, these two hitch-hikers are really sweet," Santa thought. "Too bad neither of them is going to live to see the new year."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Gives new meaning to the term "stocking stuffer".

They give me jingle balls.

The blonde hair says "California nymphette", while the black eyebrows scream "Romulan spy".

Best of Submariner
I need a Lord of the Rings geek to tell me how to say "menage-a-trois" in elvish...

You can trust Santa: it ain't gonna be a silent night!

When I eat Peppermint and Patty, I get a sensation...

Best of AlphaMu42
Bad little boys get a lump of coal. Good little boys get a new toy train. Little boys who hack Santa's personal computer and find incriminating photos of Santa & Hermie... They get whatever the hell they want.

Best of lawhawk
Ah the Tannenbaum twins. I knew them well.

Best of Prough91
Damn, I wish I'd been better this year.

ROTO-REUTERS/Kim Kyung-Hoon

43 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

Somehow, the visions of their sugarplums are dancing in my head.

(Kudos on your #6 V - heh)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Santa's deposition: "I did not have sex with that elf."

Son Of The Godfather said...

If elves really looked like that, there would be like thousands of little white-haired cherubish kids all over the place (and no toys at Christmas).

Submariner said...

If Bill the C. would a had my taste in women, the nation wouldn't have had a second thought about his "indiscretions"

top to bottom, a great set V. and your caps are good too! Mornin' SOTG

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hey, if Mrs.Claus can't tear herself away from Oprah long enough to interview the help, more power to Santa!

Son Of The Godfather said...

MUCH hotter than those skanks from Smurfville.

(mornin' Sub!)

Submariner said...

After catching Donder, Comet and Cupid having that meange-a-trois, Santa decided to retool his operations.

Submariner said...

Santa introduced the new accounting staff to the staff as "great figures, er... great with figures!"

Submariner said...

I'm betting that Santa got tired of coming only once a year.

Son Of The Godfather said...

OK, you've got the wrestlers of questionable sexuality in one picture, then these elf-a-licious babes in another... Could we superimpose them into wrestling positions?

Submariner said...

Next on Real Science:

Global Warming? Polar melting explained.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Gives new meaning to the term "stocking stuffer".

Submariner said...

I need a Lord of the Rings geek to tell me how to say "menage-a-trois" in elvish...

Son Of The Godfather said...

That part of the song now makes sense to me:

Fall... on your knees... hear... the angels...

Submariner said...

This Santa actually only weighs about 125. That ain't his belly making that belt stick out, not keeping these babes stay with him, if you get my drift?

Submariner said...

Oh... Oh, come... all... ye...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Dear Santa,

Regarding the wishlist I sent you last week... F-ck that!... I'll take your two "helpers" for an hour.

Thanks,
Billy

Submariner said...

You can trust Santa: it ain't gonna be a silent night!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus...

Submariner said...

I always told Mrs. Claus that when she turned 75, I was trading her in on three 25 year olds...

Son Of The Godfather said...

They give me jingle balls.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Let's keep the hands where we can see 'em, ok, Santa?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Timmy: "Mom, how come my toys is all sticky?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hey toots, if you're lookin' for a sac o' toys, reach into my pants."

Son Of The Godfather said...

He keeps a list of who's been "naughty" or "nice", then throws that at you?... what's the point?

Son Of The Godfather said...

What part of her is guiding his sleigh tonight?

Son Of The Godfather said...

The blonde hair says "California nymphette", while the black eyebrows scream "Romulan spy".

Son Of The Godfather said...

FOX NEWS BREAKING:
The tide has changed in the "War on Christmas" with the introduction of a secret new weapon by the Kringle faction: The Yule-bot.

Submariner said...

Santa's thought bubble - "I can't wait until it gets a bit colder so I can hang my icicles in strategic places..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

A different marketing approach saw the Salvation Army contributions increase exponentially.

Son Of The Godfather said...

V the K single-handedly resurrects the sagging "chimney installation" business.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Playing off of V's #6:
"Oh, me so Ho-Ho-Ho-rney..."

Rodney Dill said...

Naughty AND Nice.

AM42 said...

Bad little boys get a lump of coal.

Good little boys get a new toy train.

Little boys who hack Santa's personal computer and find incriminating photos of Santa & Hermie...
They get whatever the hell they want.

Submariner said...

Taking off on your #7 V.

Mrs. Claus worked the slots in Ceasar's Palace. Nick worked the slots in the street.

lawhawk said...

Santa thought bubble: Wanna see my not so little drummer boy?

Ah the Tannenbaum twins. I knew them well.

So now we know why those Santas rioted in New Zealand. They were fighting for the right to par-tay.

Jonathan said...

"Maybe those Prussian Blue chicks aren't so bad after all", thought Kris Kringle. "If I'm lucky, though, they'll still be 'naughty!'"

Prough91 said...

Damn, I wish I'd been better this year.

6 and 3 are great, V

AM42 said...

It's nice to see that Santa finally got a little something for himself this year.

Submariner said...

After them, I don't think the snow dude is so frosty...

Submariner said...

When I eat Peppermint and Patty, I get a sensation...

sonicfrog said...

Either this guy is really fat, or he is really, really turned on!

sonicfrog said...

If you're gonna be a bad Santa, you might as well go all the way! Ho. Ho.