1. What you're thinking: "Great New Year's Eve Party." What your cat is thinking: "What are all these people doing in my bathroom?" 2. "Sure. baby, I'm safe to drive," said Ted Kennedy's cat with a wink.
3. "Damn! The last time I got this drunk, I woke up married to Billy Bob Thornton."
4. Dawn stormed from the party after Whiskers got drunk and told some offensive jokes about Siameses.
5. "Bring me some slippers, I need to throw up."
6. "See, honey. Through the magic of taxidermy, Whiskers will always be with us. And, he makes a handy bottle opener."
7. "I'd leave him alone. The last guy who tried to grab his Smirnoff got his arm clawed to bloody shred."
8. "Yeah, ain't I cuter than Hell? I just do this to make you forget I tricked the dog into drinking anti-freeze."
9. And all this time, I thought pussies only drank Zima.
10. Bill the Cat's alcoholism began in childhood.
21 comments:
"Now I only see one of ya, ya stupid mouse."
Toonses works out some of his aggressions before hitting the road...
Fritz the Cat realizes that he needs some liquid lubrication to get Osama's neice to open up to him...
...after two bottles, Heath Ledger started looking good to Whiskers.
"Man, I'm plastered... Anyone see my viking helmet?"
Well... Alcohol does tend to get ya the p*ssy.
Knock it off... you woulda took it too! :)
Since Toonces only drank half the bottle, he only needed half a sleep.
Welcome to Maureen Dowd's 01/01/06, 1PM wakeup scene.
"Let us wish a Happy New Year to ALL our friends, even the liberal and Democratic ones!"
**WINK**
Don't blame me, I have an illness:
The first phase of Al Franken's plan was a success. Now to find the duct tape...
Toonces went one better... Instead of a conga-line, he formed a fee-line.
Get it?... I crack myself up.
"Damn, Muffin! Watch where you're pointin' that cork next time!"
It is said the Ninja Kittens sleep with one eye open... However Max was simply stoned on catnip.
"Yeah, laugh now monkey-boy... But when one of us invents the artificial 'opposable thumb', watch out!"
Slogans that didn't make it:
Smirnoff Ice: Tastes better than licking your own butthole!
(Same ad campaign was used with George Clooney.)
The Dems will win in '06... I guar-ohn-tee!
John opened his eyes blearily on new year's monring - "Preparing" more grapes, Ta-rayh-za?
'Ow to speak Awstraylyan - "Easy pussy."
OK, now where's that stupid f'n Doberkin... doobermun... doperman... dog?"
(glad you enjoyed the link, V. Lot's of shots there for the slow days, eh?)
Oh sh!t; I think that's Lyle Lovett in bed with me...
Heath? AND Jake???
I drank more'n I thought...
It's MY Smirnoff's. I'm keeping my eye on you, you thieving b*st*rd.
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