1. What you're thinking: "Great New Year's Eve Party." What your cat is thinking: "What are all these people doing in my bathroom?"
2. "Sure. baby, I'm safe to drive," said Ted Kennedy's cat with a wink.
3. "Damn! The last time I got this drunk, I woke up married to Billy Bob Thornton."
4. Dawn stormed from the party after Whiskers got drunk and told some offensive jokes about Siameses.
5. "Bring me some slippers, I need to throw up."
6. "See, honey. Through the magic of taxidermy, Whiskers will always be with us. And, he makes a handy bottle opener."
7. "I'd leave him alone. The last guy who tried to grab his Smirnoff got his arm clawed to bloody shred."
8. "Yeah, ain't I cuter than Hell? I just do this to make you forget I tricked the dog into drinking anti-freeze."
9. And all this time, I thought pussies only drank Zima.
10. Bill the Cat's alcoholism began in childhood.