Friday, December 30, 2005

Hey, Cats, Happy New Year!

1. What you're thinking: "Great New Year's Eve Party." What your cat is thinking: "What are all these people doing in my bathroom?"

2. "Sure. baby, I'm safe to drive," said Ted Kennedy's cat with a wink.

3. "Damn! The last time I got this drunk, I woke up married to Billy Bob Thornton."

4. Dawn stormed from the party after Whiskers got drunk and told some offensive jokes about Siameses.

5. "Bring me some slippers, I need to throw up."

6. "See, honey. Through the magic of taxidermy, Whiskers will always be with us. And, he makes a handy bottle opener."

7. "I'd leave him alone. The last guy who tried to grab his Smirnoff got his arm clawed to bloody shred."

8. "Yeah, ain't I cuter than Hell? I just do this to make you forget I tricked the dog into drinking anti-freeze."

9. And all this time, I thought pussies only drank Zima.

10. Bill the Cat's alcoholism began in childhood.

21 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Now I only see one of ya, ya stupid mouse."

lawhawk said...

Toonses works out some of his aggressions before hitting the road...

Fritz the Cat realizes that he needs some liquid lubrication to get Osama's neice to open up to him...

jeff said...

...after two bottles, Heath Ledger started looking good to Whiskers.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Man, I'm plastered... Anyone see my viking helmet?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Well... Alcohol does tend to get ya the p*ssy.

Knock it off... you woulda took it too! :)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Since Toonces only drank half the bottle, he only needed half a sleep.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Welcome to Maureen Dowd's 01/01/06, 1PM wakeup scene.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Let us wish a Happy New Year to ALL our friends, even the liberal and Democratic ones!"
**WINK**

Son Of The Godfather said...

Don't blame me, I have an illness:
The first phase of Al Franken's plan was a success. Now to find the duct tape...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Toonces went one better... Instead of a conga-line, he formed a fee-line.

Get it?... I crack myself up.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Damn, Muffin! Watch where you're pointin' that cork next time!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

It is said the Ninja Kittens sleep with one eye open... However Max was simply stoned on catnip.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Yeah, laugh now monkey-boy... But when one of us invents the artificial 'opposable thumb', watch out!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Slogans that didn't make it:
Smirnoff Ice: Tastes better than licking your own butthole!

(Same ad campaign was used with George Clooney.)

Submariner said...

The Dems will win in '06... I guar-ohn-tee!

Submariner said...

John opened his eyes blearily on new year's monring - "Preparing" more grapes, Ta-rayh-za?

Submariner said...

'Ow to speak Awstraylyan - "Easy pussy."

Submariner said...

OK, now where's that stupid f'n Doberkin... doobermun... doperman... dog?"

(glad you enjoyed the link, V. Lot's of shots there for the slow days, eh?)

Submariner said...

Oh sh!t; I think that's Lyle Lovett in bed with me...

Submariner said...

Heath? AND Jake???
I drank more'n I thought...

Submariner said...

It's MY Smirnoff's. I'm keeping my eye on you, you thieving b*st*rd.