1. "You're right, Berenice. I never did grasp the irony of a smelly pirate hooker shopping at Old Navy until now."
2. "You're right. With sales like these, who needs groceries."
3. "Those bastards charged me $500 for a cookie recipe! You better believe I'm e-mailing it to everybody on the web!"
4. "Well, enjoy your bags of capital oppression, counter-revolutonary stooge!" Tawanda had been no fun to shop with ever since she began working for the New York transit workers union.
5. "And then his momma said, 'Taye, you watch these bags for me while I'm in the ladies room.' Little thing couldn't been more than eight. So, I dropped him, grabbed the bags and, well, here I am."
6. "You know, I hope the next time the Pistons go all the way, I'm closer to some place better than Old Navy."
7. "That ain't no soda pop, that's a hard liquor." "Mmm-hmmm, that's my LeRoy." (OJA: Old Joke Advisory)
8. "No baby, my credit card was already maxed in November. But me and the manager at Old Navy 'worked things out.' By which I mean I exchanged oral sex for merchandise."
9. "The shoplifting is one thing, but, girl, going back and getting the stuff gift-wrapped? You got balls!"
10. You thought I was joking about Tawanda being a communist, but peep the big red star on her shopping bag.
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AssPress Photo/Jose F. Moreno