Monday, December 19, 2005

Arrrrrgh! My Eyes!


I know what you're all thinking. Damn it, V, if you're giving us this and Sheehan on Monday, the babe on Thursday better make Angelina Jolie look like Kathy Bates.

1. Tubes of frosting, they're not just for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner, mid-morning snack, second breakfast, mid-afternoon snack, pre-dinner snack, post-dinner snack and midnight snack any more.

2. "Hey, hideous women whose sons weren't killed in Iraq are entitled to desperate pleas for attention, too!"

3. "I'm not exactly sure what she does, either, but Senator Clinton says she's an indispensible member of the staff."

4. The lawsuit against TSA's new biometric scans was the one time everyone supported the ACLU.

5. Please, for the love of God, don't ask to see her "happy little trees."

6. They just look like shapeless pink blobs to me. Her paintings aren't any good either.

7. Coincidentally, all five of her babies died of lead poisoning.

8. "It's not art, you idiot. That sick perv just bit my nipples off!"

9. A tape of this episode of Postcards From Buster was sent to the White House with a note reading. "Come on. Just try and cut our funding. We double dog dare you."

10. Bertha was later evicted from the trailer park for her 'Anatomically Correct Garden Gnomes' display.

Best of Prough91
Bob Ross' sister didn't do nearly as well with her show… until it moved to Lifetime.

From Gary Larson’s Reject pile: Trailer Park Mammograms.

Best of Submariner
Surprisingly, even inflated-scrotum guy didn't ask for a signed copy of Bertha's "Nipple Prints From the Edge."

What do you mean "I suggest 5 or 10 gallons of Sear's Weatherbeater for full coverage?"

No, babushka, in my country you don't have party, party has you!

Best of Van Helsing
At first Bertha considered her bleeding nipples to be a problem. But then she learned she could make a nice living breastfeeding lawyers.

Best of Bubbalove
10 year-old Michael Moore is seen here at Summer Camp painting art cells for a movie he wants to make when he grows up called "Camp Counselor Roger and Me."

Best of AlphaMu42
Reason #325 why the 'Breasts not Bombs' compaign is not as popular as one would expect.

Greg Sanders' enthusiasm for collecting evidence quickly wanes when he discovers that this woman is the only suspect in the latest case

Although Dolly Parton has been a USO volunteer for over 30 years, few people know that she no longer signs her own letters to the troops.

Just your typical Berkeley 3rd grade Art teacher.

Best of Rodney Dill
Expose yourself to Art

Best of catbat
That's an insult to the eyes. Absolutely sickening. I can't believe she'd use napthol crimson alongside cadmium red.

Best of The Church Lady
"Well, I see that some of us have to bare our breasts in order to create art. Isn't that special?"

Best of ColoradoPatriot
In a final desperate attempt to wrest his attention away from his work, Dr. Rorschach's wife unwittingly stumbles onto an idea that would make her a rich, albeit sexually frustrated, divorcee.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Sorry V, I get mixed up with the lingo the kids use nowadays... I meant for you to show us some phat boobies, not fat boobies. My bad.

Billy-Bob thought that everything seemed fine at the trailor park... That is, until Ned the milkman showed up with two large, red paint splotches on the inner thigh section of his white uniform.

"Uhm... OK... Most of our illiterate clients just sign with an 'X', but that's o.k. too..."

From Knowledge B. Power

29 comments:

Prough91 said...

It's hard work filling up all the tubes.

Bob Ross' sister didn't do nearly as well with her show.

Bertha demonstrates a trailer park mammogram.

Prough 91's wife says: I didn't know you could do this with finger paints.

Submariner said...

Surprisingly, even inflated-scrotum guy didn't ask for a signed copy of Bertha's "Nipple Prints From the Edge."

Submariner said...

My body is my canvass; Jackson Pollock eat your heart out!

Submariner said...

In my country, we were so poor that if we couldn't paint on an outfit when we got up, we went naked.

Submariner said...

What do you mean "I suggest 5 or 10 gallons of Sear's Weatherbeater for full coverage?"

Submariner said...

And if V. the K. doesn't start posting Best o' again, I'm going to move the table out of the way!

this and previous moved from thread below. My apologies for double-entering.

Submariner said...

Smelly pirate hooker? Why no, I just bathed...

Van Helsing said...

At first Bertha considered her bleeding nipples to be a problem. But then she learned she could make a nice living breastfeeding lawyers.

bubbalove said...

10 year-old Michael Moore is seen here at Summer Camp painting art cells for a movie he wants to make when he grows up called "Camp Counselor Roger and Me."

AM42 said...

Not quite what Mick & Keith had in mind when they wrote She's a Rainbow.

AM42 said...

Reason #325 why the 'Breasts not Bombs' compaign is not as popular as one would expect.

Submariner said...

I use "Anne Coulter" as my IRC personna, why?

Submariner said...

'Ow to speak Awstraylyan:
Tequila Sunrise, or the moaning after.

Submariner said...

Following multiple pail's of Metaxa, Schultz woke up to this site. "What a relief!" he thought, "I was afraid I brought home Pelosi..."

AM42 said...

Greg Sanders' enthusiasm for collecting evidence quickly wanes when he discovers that this woman is the only suspect in the latest case

AM42 said...

Although Dolly Parton has been a USO volunteer for over 30 years, few people know that she no longer signs her own letters to the troops.

(I can't believe I almost missed the reference in #9)

AM42 said...

Just your typical Berkeley 3rd grade Art teacher.

Rodney Dill said...

Expose yourself to Art

catbat said...

that's an insult to the eyes. absolutely sickening. i can't believe she'd use napthol crimson alongside cadmium red.


the flesh tones are inexpertly rendered too.

The Church Lady said...

"Well, I see that some of us have to bare our breasts in order to create art. Isn't that special?"

Submariner said...

Y'know... I looked at this a half a dozen times before I realized it wasn't a Picasso from his "pasty flesh" era.

ColoradoPatriot said...

In a final desperate attempt to wrest his attention away from his work, Dr. Rorschach's wife unwittingly stumbles onto an idea that would make her a rich, albeit sexually frustrated, divorcee.

ColoradoPatriot said...

Thankfully they come in extra large sizes, too!

Son Of The Godfather said...

SOTG attempts to come up with a clever caption, but finds it difficult to type with vomit on his keyboard.

Cybrludite said...

The sad thing is that she's still better looking than a large number of the strippers on Bourbon St...

(Which begs the question of just why I'm heading there for New Years...)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Sorry V, I get mixed up with the lingo the kids use nowadays... I meant for you to show us some phat boobies, not fat boobies. My bad.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Billy-Bob thought that everything seemed fine at the trailor park... That is, until Ned the milkman showed up with two large, red paint splotches on the inner thigh section of his white uniform.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Uhm... OK... Most of our illiterate clients just sign with an 'X', but that's o.k. too..."

Submariner said...

No, babushka, in my country you don't have party, party has you!