Monday, December 19, 2005

All the Perfumes of Arabia Can Not Sweeten This Little Hand

1. After seeing her own body naked, Cindy Sheehan claws her own eyes out.

2. Edvard Munch's The Hissy Fit

3. "Oh my God! I have no soul!"

4. "... and the old moonbat cried and asked the black cobra 'Why did you bite me?' And the cobra answered, 'You knew what I was when you put me around your neck.'" --- The Moonbat and the Cobra, a Native American folktale.

5. Nothing moved Mother Moonbat more than the gift of Yasser Arafat's large intestine, which she wore around her neck from that day forward.

6. Ever since that night in the ditch with Al Sharpton, it hurts when she pees.

7. Sometimes wedgies feel so good that you just have to cry.

8. Someone really should have warned her about Indian food.

9. Mother Moonbat would soon regret her vow not to wipe herself until all troops were withdrawn from Iraq.

10. "It's not fair! I thought black was supposed to be slimming!"
Best of Gavriel
Cindy Sheehan checks her onion-juice soaked hands in preparation for her next televised interview.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Her head then split open to reveal Arnold Schwartzenegger, who had been trying to reach Mars covertly.

In that brief moment, she realized the the dire consequence of having forgot her tinfoil beanie... but it was too late, the Rovian satellite waves had already zeroed in.

Those first brief moments of determining if you let out a little fart or a poopie can be unsettling.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Awwwww, dammit! WHY did you HAVE TO buy a vowel?!?"

Cindy's solidarity with Tookie prompted her to don her Crips sweatshirt, while her memorial to Liberace prompted her to don her black feather boa.

Best of Prough91
“ ...and when Al put it right in my face, this was approximately my expression.”

Best of sonicfrog
"I’m Melting, MMmmelting! What a world, What a world!"

{Actually, a commenter at SondraK’s blog had the same thought - V}

Best of Submariner
Bratwurst in the deli's window? Oh, Al! Jesse! I miss you so much!

When I bite into a York's Peppermint Patty (tm), I get the sensation of a 7-11, giant, economy bag of ice being forced up my nether regions... twice...

Best of Van Helsing
"I could have had a V8!"

Best of Anonymous
"They found Casey alive? Oh crap!"

Best of occasional reader
“NO! WIRE! HANGERS!... EVER!!!

Best of AlphaMu42
Suddenly, Cindy is struck with an overwhelming sense of remorse for having exploited Casey's death to advance her own personal agenda... No wait, it's just gas.

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"KAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNN!"

Best of Frank IBC
Separated at birth from Martin Short.

From Breitbart on a tip from Chip

46 comments:

Gavriel said...

Cindy Sheehan checks her onion-juice soaked hands in preparation for her next televised interview.

(but yours are way better)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"WHY WON'T ANYONE BUY MY PAMPHL... ERR... BOOK?!?"

(V, your #2 gets the soda-in-the-nose award of the day!)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hey Cindy, what do these laser pointers feel like when aimed right at your pupils?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Her head then split open to reveal Arnold Schwartzenegger, who had been trying to reach Mars covertly.

Son Of The Godfather said...

When the public no longer pays attention to you, use "jazz hands" to garner interest.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Dang it, Jessie, what's my next line?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hands don't make an effective tissue during a sneeze attack.

Jonathan said...

"Awwwww, dammit! WHY did you HAVE TO buy a vowel?!?"

Jonathan said...

Cindy's solidarity with Tookie prompted her to don her Crips sweatshirt, while her memorial to Liberace prompted her to don her black feather boa.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"OK, we're gonna do this the Scanner way..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Those first brief moments of determining if you let out a little fart or a poopie can be unsettling.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I feel a great disturbance in the force... Oh wait, just another hot-flash... Nevermind."

V the K said...

Is there anything more pathetic than a middle agaed woman who thinks walking around with a rotting python carcass on her shoulders will make her look like Nastassia Kinski?

Prough91 said...

...and then Al put it right in my face.

sonicfrog said...

"I’m Melting, MMmmelting! What a world, What a world!"

PS. Can't believe one got to this first!

Submariner said...

I've cut off both my thumbs in protest of GGeorge Bush's war (that we cannot win)!

Submariner said...

Bratwurst in the deli's window? Oh, Al! Jesse! I miss you so much!

Submariner said...

When I bite into a York's Peppermint Patty (tm), I get the sensation of a 7-11, giant, economy bag of ice being forced up my nether regions...

twice...

Submariner said...

ORA:

They look like two such strong hands, don't they?

Submariner said...

Note to self:
Alum powder in eyes is NOT a good solution to crow's feet formation.

Submariner said...

What do you mean "I suggest 5 or 10 gallons of Sear's Weatherbeater for full coverage?"

Submariner said...

And if V. the K. doesn't start posting Best o' again, I'm going to move the table out of the way!

Submariner said...

Dang it! Last two belonged under the other picture.

Van Helsing said...

"I could have had a V8!"

Anonymous said...

This is cold, but here goes:

"They found Casey alive? Oh crap!"

Kevin Walker said...

You know, vampires and demons have the same reactions to Holy Water.

and on that note
"I sprayed her with my Super Soaker, and she then began to shout about a burning sensation all over her. I wonder why?" "I don't know what is going on with her, Cardinal."

Submariner said...

"I saw W's necktie and had to fight this overwelming urge to yank it; Y'know what I mean?"

"Absolutely, Cindy. I get that way every time I see a black knitted scarf..."

occasional reader said...

"NO! WIRE! HANGERS!... EVER!!!

AM42 said...

Suddenly, Cindy is struck with an overwhelming sense of remorse for having exploited Casey's death to advance her own personal agenda...

no wait, it's just gas.

AM42 said...

Even Cindy can no longer stand her own fetid stench.

Rodney Dill said...

JAMA - An often overlooked diagnosis for stupidity is Spontaneous Brain Freeze, not to be confused with Spontaneous Combustion, which actually will usually end the said condition of stupidity.

bubbalove said...

To her horror, Cindy realized the shooting, burning agony of her skin could only mean that she had again stepped into the sunlight without putting on her anti-U.V. paste. The Master would surely punish her now!

ColoradoPatriot said...

"KAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNN!"

(But I concede to the Mommy Dearest reference above.)

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Ok, I'm hearing it again:

'Mom.... you're.... embarrassing.... the.... hell... out.... of.... me.'

What do you think that means?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

In that brief moment, she realized the the dire consequence of having forgot her tinfoil beanie... but it was too late, the Rovian satellite waves had already zeroed in.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Next time don't try to eat the ice cream so fast, dumbass.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Punk'd: Moonbat Edition
We secretly replaced Ms.Sheehan's bongwater with Windex... let's see what happens!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Sometimes... when I get really nervous... I like to take my hands out of my buttcrack and smell them like this..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Tent business may suffer:
Mix 1 ounce of ammonia per 1 ounce of Visine. Stir lightly, then refill Visine bottle...

Son Of The Godfather said...

This story's been dead quite awhile... Looks like rigor mortis has set in.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Depending on how long the scarf is, Cindy may be just an escalator-ride away from martyrdom.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Very ORA?:
"The good news is the earwig made its way through and you have survived... The bad news is, it was a female and has laid its eggs."

(That one gave me nightmares as a kid!)

Frank IBC said...

Separated at birth from Martin Short.

Submariner said...

Not a caption, but doesn't this pic just scream out to be photo-shopped with the Emperor's "dark Force" lightning bolts shooting from her fingers and attacking her own eyes?

heh heh heh

ColoradoPatriot said...

The crowd stood aghast as Ms. Sheehan turned back into Bill Bixby.

Jeff said...

A bereaved mother who has tirelessly fought to prevent further deaths like her own son's, clenches her hands in frustration at the Bush administration's lies.