1. "So, Lorraine, what's it like having sex with a Negro?"
2. "Hey, that sign about 'employees must wash hands,' does that mean, like, every time?"
3. "Oh, sure, it's easy for you. You don't hear their little apple voices screaming, 'Mommy, why are you doing this to us?'"
4. "I disagree, Doris. There is no such thing as too much valium."
5. "I like my apples like I like my men... white and seedy!"
6. "Lorraine, I'm pretty sure peeling them in a litterbox is a health code violation."
7. Two minutes later, with the peeler punched into her stomach to the handle, Lorraine would realize that 'Pass the paper towels, bitch' was the wrong choice of words when Doris was PMSing.
8. "Last night was incredible, but I'm still glad that the fleet's only in once every six months. I'm going to be walking bow-legged for a week!"
9. "And then the little shit says, 'Please sir.... I'd like some more,' and the master kicked his orphan ass. I laughed so hard I almost puked."
10. "So, Lorraine, any chance I could get you to slip out of that hairnet and get to know ya?"
Best of catbat
"Doris, have I ever told you how much I love... pie?" "So many times, Lorraine, that I'm beyond creeped out and movin' in on curious."
Best of Bubbalove
"How many apples did the coven leader say to peel for the cauldron? Honestly, I don't know how anyone thinks we can actually cook up something powerful enough to take the ugly off Sister Sheehan."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Bored by her mundane lifestyle, Lorraine unexpectedly rotates the apple spinner 180 degrees and has her own little private party.
Yeah, you know where I got this.