1. The Lions have decided it's just less humiliating to assume the position and have the opposing team sodomize them during the first quarter.2. "Man, I am never buying gas station sushi again."
3. "Oh, mercy, look at me! Two hits of ecstasy and I'm anybody's bitch."
4. "It's all thanks to you. Give me five, my little ant friend."
5. "Okay! Okay! I love Big Brother! I love Big Brother! Now, get this rat out of my helmet."
6. "A half-time enema is in my contract. Now, send me the waterboy."
7. "... and then the End Zone spike ricocheted and caught him right in the jewels. It was the funniest thing I ever saw."
8. Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?
9. Harrington collapses in laughter after finally getting the joke about the Oiler who nailed the Cowboy from behind.
10. It's okay Joey, just one last quarter separates you from a nice long shower and a locker room full of hunky, naked men.
Best of Divine Miss M
We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
'Scuse me, while I snort this line!
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"'Fluctuations!' ... So the Oriental says angrily: 'Yeah? Well fluc you Canadians, too!'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that kills me every time!"
Inspired by Rufus Leaking
Harrington's conversion to Islam didn't help the Lions at all. Next stop, Scientology.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"YOU MANIACS. YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
"Hold up everybody! I want to hear that idiot from the picture below mutilate his scrotum on the broken glass!"
Best of Kevin Walker
"What was it like at the bath house? Well, I was bent over like this, and I had my hand on his ass like this, and then... Wait, nobody is recording this, right?"
24 comments:
We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
'Scuse me, while I kiss this line!
"HA-ha-ha! So the Oriental says 'What's up with that?', to which the Canadian replies...'Fluctuations!'
So the Oriental says angrily: 'Yeah? Well fluc you Canadians, too!'
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that kills me every time!"
the only meager comfort he could come up with was "at least we're not the packers."
[now, i retreat to my shadowy corner of wisconsin and silently weep.]
Harrington converted to Islam and now faces east five times a day.
Harrington snaps:
"What a good invisible puppy! What a good invisible boy!"
The irony of his jersey number matching the number of turnovers he caused, Harrington collapses in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
"And THEN, we moved the porta-potties to the 50-yard line and they came out wondering what the hell happened! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
"YOU MANIACS. YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
"Hold up everybody! I want to hear that idiot from the picture below mutilate his scrotum on the broken glass!"
Andrew Sullivan's choice of lawn ornaments is very revealing.
The unscripted halftime performance had Harrington singing (perhaps pleading) James Brown's "Please, Please, Please" to a mystified crowd. Two teammates then covered him with a cape and escorted him off the field.
Proof by logic:
Lions are felines.
Felines are pussycats.
Therefore,
Lions are pussies.
Pounding the field as he speaks:
"I gotta REMEMBER to put my CUP on right side UP!"
Damned It! I just can't concentrate. What did that half-human half-robot bitch do to me last night (see "Naked Lefty Saturday" below)?
"And I had my hand on his ass like this, and then... Wait, someone is recording this, right?"
or
Harington collapses in horror as the Jumbo-tron plays clips from his stay at Fire Island.
Desprite to get his coke fix, Harington secretly replaced the sideline with coke, which was secretly replaced with itching powder. Let's see if he notices.
Now I know why people in Michigan call them the Lie-Downs.
I'm presuming from his reaction that Kobe, alas, was not open after all.
being a lion that bad? don't worry, buddy. the way the season's going, the pack's in an awesome place to draft you right up next year!
[once again, the humor is cleverly disguised beneath deep bitterness and masochism.]
This score just in from the Colloseum: Christians 21, Lions 0
And for everyone else kvetching about their teams: I'm in New Orleans. Not only does our team suck, they're owned by Captain Queeg!
"Susquahanna Helmets? I had a cousin that worked at Susquahanna Helmet company."
"Slowly I turned. Step by step..."
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