Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Welcome to Camp Howard Dean

1. "It's step-turn-kick, step-turn-kick, step-turn-step, and flair! Where the hell did you turds learn choereography!"

2. "My name is Sergeant Fletcher. NOT Sgt. Feltcher! And the next one of you turds who makes that mistake will feltch my boot out of his ass!"

3. "I want this latrine so clean I can eat my lunch off of it... because I intend to!"

4. "Which one of you turds deleted PowerPuff Girls from my TiVo?"

5. "What is so funny about me wanting to stare at my privates?"

6. "Do YOU have a PROBLEM with my CULOTTES, Turd?"

Best of Van Helsing
"I see a booger! Your nose does not pass inspection! That will be 50 pushups! And I'll eat the booger!"

Best of Divine Miss M
"Pearls with fatigues?! Are you mad, Private?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Does this look like a canker sore to you?"

"And the next time you're caught with a heated-bra mannequin in the latrine, you'll be doing push-ups until Michael Moore is thin and Alec Baldwin is coherent, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"I fail to see the humor in my announcing the guest speakers here today: Major Woody and Private Partz!"

Best of Occasional Reader
Why the USMC doesn't allow Drill Instructors to train their own brothers: "DOES THIS BOTHER YOU?! DOES THIS BOTHER YOU, PUKE?! I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU! DOES THIS BOTHER YOU?!"

Best of Vonski
"No, private! I will not preemptively bless you before you sneeze! That's not the way it works... first you sneeze and THEN you get blessed. Got it, son?!"

Best of Submariner
"You aren't half the man that Demi Moore is, are you grunt?" "Sir, yes sir! I mean, Sir! NO Sir! Aw sh!t - what's the right answer to THAT question?"

"You just can't wait to leave my Army, sit in a bus depot and have dogs lick you face and other parts, can you, puke?"

Best of Mr. Right
And if you EVER touch my Barbie Doll collection again...

"Does it feel good when I rub you there, maggot? You will not finish until I tell you to finish! Is that clear?" "Yes, Sgt. Sullivan, Sir!"

I got it from Yahoo News/Shannon Stapleton/Reuters (Captioning will be light today. I have one mother of a cold. Please pick up the slack.)

31 comments:

Van Helsing said...

"I see a booger! Your nose does not pass inspection! That will be 50 pushups! And I'll eat the booger!"

Divine Miss M said...

"Pearls with fatigues?! Are you mad, Private?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Does this look like a canker sore to you?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Only two things come out of Berkeley!... Traitors and masturbators!... Good thing you're from Houston."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Private, if you sneeze on me, I will personally rip out your eyes and skull-F you! Do I make myself clear?"

Jonathan said...

"I fail to see the humor in my announcing the guest speakers here today: Major Woody and Private Partz!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"And the next time you're caught with a heated-bra mannequin in the latrine, you'll be doing push-ups until Michael Moore is thin and Alec Baldwin is coherent, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Jonathan said...

"Do you think I'm cute, Private?"

Sir, no sir!

"Bullsh#t! I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Can you tell I had an anchovie-onion roll for lunch?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

ORA:
Sergeant Hulka: "Soldier, I've noticed that you're always last."
John Winger: "I'm pacing myself, Sergeant."

occasional reader said...

Why the USMC doesn't allow Drill Instructors to train their own brothers:

"DOES THIS BOTHER YOU?! DOES THIS BOTHER YOU, PUKE?! I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU! DOES THIS BOTHER YOU?!"

[hey, when something works, I stick with it]

occasional reader said...

"My broad-rimmed hat is NOT out of style, puke, do you read me?! NOT out of style! And you can take your 'Marine trucker cap' and stick it up Ashton Kutcher's ass!"

Vonski said...

"No, private! I will not preemptively bless you before you sneeze! That's not the way it works... first you sneeze and THEN you get blessed. Got it, son?!"

Kevin Walker said...

"Do you suck d*cks Private!" "Sir no sir!" "Are you a peter-puffer!" "Sir no sir!" "Bullsh*t! I be you're the kinda of guy that would f*ck a man in the ass and not have the god damn common courtesy to give him a reach around!"

Joyce said...

"you WILL watch that Susan Sarandon movie!! You hear me, pissant?

Submariner said...

"You aren't half the man that Demi Moore is, are you grunt?"

"Sir, yes sir!
I mean, Sir! NO Sir!
Aw sh!t - what's the right answer to THAT question?"

Submariner said...

You smart-*ss butt-monkeys are about to p!ss me off to where I go all Super Sentient on your behinds...

Submariner said...

I said the Blackhawk babes were only for non-coms, you sorry sack of dog sh!t.

Submariner said...

Do you WANT to go back to being homeless on the streets of Paris, maggot?

Submariner said...

David Blaine amazes the brigade by pulling a set of night vision goggles from the recruit's nose.

Submariner said...

I'll bet you like gladiator movies, don't you Bobby Joe?

Submariner said...

You just can't wait to leave my Army, sit in a bus depot and have dogs lick you face and other parts, can you, puke?

Submariner said...

Private SOTG didn't mean anything bad by stating the seargent's mother looked like a smelly pirate hooker...

Submariner said...

Got your nose, maggot. No, seriously; I have got your nose!

Submariner said...

...And if I EVER catch you playing three crotch monty again with Private Frank and Private Sullivan...

Mr. Right said...

You owe me for one jelly donut, Private Pyle!...

That'll be 75 cents - cash!

Mr. Right said...

Does it feel good when I rub you there, maggot?

You will not finish until I tell you to finish! Is that clear?

Mr. Right said...

And if you EVER touch my Barbie Doll collection again...

Mr. Right said...

BETTER VERSION OF MY EARLIER ENTRY...

"Does it feel good when I rub you there, maggot? You will not finish until I tell you to finish! Is that clear?"

"Yes, Sgt. Sullivan, Sir!"

Colorado Patriot said...

"Sir, the Private did not mean to insinuate that the Sargeant would pay a lot for that muffler, sir."

Jonathan said...

Wow...that Judge Reinhold makes for a convincing D.I., huh?