Wednesday, November 16, 2005

"Side by side on my piano keyboard, Oh, Lord..."

I just discovered the GOP website has a photo gallery1. "Come on, audience, who'd like to see some Kirk-Uhura screen kiss action up here? Are you with me?"

2. "She said something that I couldn't believe So I grabbed the
stupid b*tch by her nappy-ass weave..."

3. Makayla had no idea that Bush's 'White Magic Mojo' would have her unconsciously fingering herself through the whole interview.

4. George W. Bush sits in for Jerry Springer. The topic, "My Trans-Sexual Lover Won't Give My 'Growth' a 'Job.'"

5. "Jeez, Condi, I think you need to lay off the Ring Dings."

6. "I believe that inter-racial dialogue strengthens America through the meaningful exchange of values found within our respective cultures. In that spirit, I invite all my African-American sisters to pull my fingers."

7. As Bush extended a "shout-out to my homies in Craw-town," Makayla maintained the pasted-on smile she used whenever white folks were just trying too damn hard.

8. The director signals Bush and Marilyn McCoo to stall for time while Cheney finishes debauching the Solid Gold Dancers.

9. "Up next on QVC, the Robert Byrd 'White Christmas' figurine collection. Uh... Makayla, this might be a good time for you to take a break."

10. "Wow, Tootie, it looks like you've bulked up to Blair and Natalie proportions."

Best o'Submariner
So then I said to the Seals Commander, "...shaped charges right there ought to take out the levy. But don't tell Al I said that, ok?"

I'm here to tell you George Bush DOES CARE about, uhhhh, which group'r we talkin' to?

Next on Montel: Reformed smelly pirate hookers and what it took to change 'em.

Best o' Van Helsing
At the conclusion of their rap duet, the President pulled a Justin Timberlake, tearing open her blouse with a practiced swoop of the hand, spilling two large growths into view.

13 comments:

Submariner said...

C'mon! Everybody join in!

"The ink is black. The page is white..."

Submariner said...

So then I said to the Seals Commander, "...shaped charges right there ought to take out the levy. But don't tell Al I said that, ok?"

Submariner said...

Next on Donahue:

Reformed smelly pirate hookers and what it took to change 'em.

Submariner said...

So there I was on the south forty in my tree stand and two of 'em started making the "beast with two backs." Then a 'nother buck joined in! I had to cap him as an abomination against nature...

Submariner said...

So, if I have this right, Jesse came up behind you at the Code Pink rally, and reached around like this to grab a feel?

Submariner said...

Well, you ain't no French newscaster, but I'd still do ya...

Giggidy, giggidy.

Submariner said...

smirk,,, wink, wink

I'm here to tell you George Bush DOES CARE about, uhhhh, which group'r we talkin' to?

Submariner said...

Damn! Karl. That's, like, just the BEST Halloween costume ever!

Submariner said...

Now.. take my former opponents...

Please.

Thank you, thank you very much. I'll be appearing on the GOP circuit for a couple of more years. Stay tuned for more yuks.

Jonathan said...

Bush working his "subliminable" messages on the mass(es).

catbat said...

i understand the "growth", but what do either of them have to do with "jobs"?

Van Helsing said...

At the conclusion of their rap duet, the President pulled a Justin Timberlake, tearing open her blouse with a practiced swoop of the hand, spilling two large growths into view.

Anonymous said...

I know it looks like my head is photoshopped on to my body...it's that darn Karl Rove...I've got to be in so many places these days, he said it'd be better to have a bunch of my "stand-ins" do the talk shows and hang out with those greasers on the lawn so that I can do the important stuff. Hey, anyone know when that French lady comes on TV?