1. "Dang, I thought I was a drama queen, but Sam Waterston chews scenery like Michael Moore chews McRibs."
2. "My legal team and I plead absolutely, 100% not guilty to the charge of stealing tablecloths from Mama Lucia's Italian Cafe."
3. "I'm out of order! You're out of order! The Whole System is out of order! The candy machine by the elevator is out of order!"
4. "... and I want it read into the record that this beard makes me look exactly like Burt Reynolds in Boogie Nights."
5. "... and I demand that spectators stop throwing rings at my counsel's head! This is a trial, not a midway game!"
6. "... and if you do not find me innocent, I will have all of you thrown into plastic shredders!" With those words, Saddam concluded what CNN would call "a forceful and defiant opening statement."
7. "Aggravated Saddam-y... what the Hell kind of charge is... It's what? ... Never mind."
8. The turning point in the trial proved to be when Saddam got Dottie Hinkle to break down and spew obscenities from the Witness stand. (ORA-?)
Best of Vonski
"Oh, you like my pocket square? Thanks! Actually, it's a pair of panties Cindy Sheehan wore once and sent to me as a show of 'solidarity'."
Best of jeanne
If Little Miss Muffet can kill Kurds, why can't I?
Best of AlphaMu42
"I am not going to pay a lot for this muffler!"
Best of bubbalove
"...and then I convinced Satan that I had changed and the fool had sex with me again! Hahahaaa! And then..and then I killed Kenny, and another kid called me a bastard, and some fat kid yelled 'Barbra Streisand' and zapped me with energy, HAHAHA"
Best of joyce
"I must protest...the American dogs only gave me enough hair dye to cover my head. But what about my BEARD? What about my BEARD!!!!"
Best of Cybrludite
Saddam: Ok, which one of my defense lawyers just goosed me? I want him shot immediately!
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I request that the press not publish or manipulate private notes I write to my counsel... including requests to go pee-pee."
ORA: "There's money in the banana stand."
Things to do when you're bored: Scroll your mouse over the picture and there's a little hand icon... Now you are free to pick Saddam's nose.
Best of Submariner
ORA: I have two sides fighting within me. The good Saddam says take the oscar, blow kisses to the crowd and leave. The bad Saddam says ... Aw crap. Let's just blame the Americans and send Shi'ites to the shredder for old times' sake?
"Woooo! You are one good-lookin' judge, yesiree!... Now, I'm not gay or anything, but you sir, are one handsome fella!... You know, I saw your robe open up just a little bit when you came out here and WHOA!... Well, let's just say now I know why they call you the 'hangin' judge'!
Best of Occasional Reader
"Now, you all may be wondering why I brought my Collector's Edition of The Hobbit to the trial today..."