1. "My key advantage as a professional video-gamer? Well, most of the competition has never been in the room with an actual woman before."
2. "What's next for me? Well, I am mulling an offer to work as an intern at the Clinton Presidential Library for $400,000 a year."
3. "I want to send a message to those gamers who call me '7 of 9' and snicker about my 'Borg implants.' The message is: Grow the Hell up, assh*les."
4. "Yes. I. Am. Happy. To. Be. Living. In. Stepford. With. Tom. Cruise."
5. "Yeah, so far only about 7,000 nerds have shown me what it looks like when they type '8-0-0-8-5' into their pocket calculators. Next one who tries it is flying home with his testicles in a carry-in bag."
6. "Uh, attention! Attention! We're looking for the chick with big boobs! ... Yeah - and boobs. I just wanna say that again... Boobs."
7. "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs". Now you do not punish a girl, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs.
8. ORA -- I expect Mother and Speed will be along any minute now.
9. Unfortunately, this was the picture CNN accidentally flashed on the screen while reading a story about "The Biggest Bust in DEA History."
10. "Even though the odds are stacked against me, I still expect to rack up a lot of points. I'd hate it if the tournament turned out to be a big bust.
Ace always had the Nicest Melons.