Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving

1. Michael Moore's personal chef hopes this year he has enough turkeys to avoid last year's flatulent beatdown.

2. Just to annoy the PETA-vegans next door, Aaron celebrates Thanksgiving by throwing 22 turkeys into a cage filled with starving rottweilers.

3. This year, millions of unsuspecting Christians will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner, unaware that the blood of the main entree was offered as a sacrifice to Satan --- Intro to: Ungodly Profits: The Evil Secret Behind Butterball.

4. "Oh, yeah, that breast feels real nice. Plump. Full. Ripe....Um, supervisor, we'll be in the break room."

5. "Hello, Bob's voodoo supplies... Hold on, let me see what have in the back."

6. Aaron puts the 'Butterball Hotline' caller on hold and prepares to answer her question: "Do Turkey Heads Go 'Pop' When You Hit Them With A Mallet!"

7. "It's okay, my friend. Just let me know what the others are plotting, and you can avoid your appointment with Mr. Stun Tank."

8. Al Qaeda's plot to cause mayhem by dropping live turkeys on a shopping mall only succeeding in reminding people of a classic WKRP in Cincinnati episode.

9. Aaron could not look at a turkey without thinking of the "double-vaginal double-anal" scene from Orgazamo. Aaron was a sick, twisted bastard.

10. Deep Thought: If you feed turkeys nothing but bacon for a year, are they still Halal?

From a Yahoo News Bird Flu Story

11 comments:

Van Helsing said...

When the turkey supply runs low, it can always be supplemented with vultures. Most customers can't tell the difference.

Anonymous said...

"Democrats gather to court a minority voter."

Anonymous said...

"If you feed turkeys nothing but bacon for a year, are they still Halal?"

Um, since they are herbivores and would not eat the bacon, Yes!
:-)

LGF Buckaroo

Chip said...

One of our Founding Fathers wanted to make the turkey our national bird. It might have been Franklin. (not a caption, but still ridiculous)

catbat said...

racist mr. soulpatch. segregating those birds.

Submariner said...

Jimmy Lee was in a quandry on whether or not to do a recall, now that he had discovered that their balls weren't buttered...

Submariner said...

"What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"

"Same thing as every night, Pinky. Take over the world!"

Submariner said...

NeXXXt on Montel:

Organic free-range turkeys and the rangers that love 'em...

Submariner said...

No, no, NO! Moustafa. I said that the first step in preparing turducken is to DEbone the fowl...

Submariner said...

Hey Beavis! Wanna see this bird do the "Funky Chicken?"

heh, heh, heh...

Prough91 said...

Anwar had to work his way up the proctology ladder.