1. Michael Moore's personal chef hopes this year he has enough turkeys to avoid last year's flatulent beatdown.
2. Just to annoy the PETA-vegans next door, Aaron celebrates Thanksgiving by throwing 22 turkeys into a cage filled with starving rottweilers.
3. This year, millions of unsuspecting Christians will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner, unaware that the blood of the main entree was offered as a sacrifice to Satan --- Intro to: Ungodly Profits: The Evil Secret Behind Butterball.
4. "Oh, yeah, that breast feels real nice. Plump. Full. Ripe....Um, supervisor, we'll be in the break room."
5. "Hello, Bob's voodoo supplies... Hold on, let me see what have in the back."
6. Aaron puts the 'Butterball Hotline' caller on hold and prepares to answer her question: "Do Turkey Heads Go 'Pop' When You Hit Them With A Mallet!"
7. "It's okay, my friend. Just let me know what the others are plotting, and you can avoid your appointment with Mr. Stun Tank."
8. Al Qaeda's plot to cause mayhem by dropping live turkeys on a shopping mall only succeeding in reminding people of a classic WKRP in Cincinnati episode.
9. Aaron could not look at a turkey without thinking of the "double-vaginal double-anal" scene from Orgazamo. Aaron was a sick, twisted bastard.
10. Deep Thought: If you feed turkeys nothing but bacon for a year, are they still Halal?
From a Yahoo News Bird Flu Story