Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Driving in New York

1. "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

2. The battle for the last McRib in North America turns ugly.

3. "Yeah, screaming 'Get outta the f**kin' way, a**hole!' really worked for ya that time, didn't it?"

4. "He claims he was distracted by a video-game player in a low-cut blouse." "Pervert!"

5. "I swerved to avoid Hillary's hips, crossed the median, and crashed into the adjacent toll lane."

6. The only statement the cops could get from the driver was "Them Dukes! Them Dukes!"

7. The sad part is, the Toll Booth Attendant was only worth 20 points.

8. "Wiredwhatdoyoumeanwired?!Hey!IbetIcanmakeittothetollboothinfrontofthedork intheseagreenAltima!Betme? Betme? OhManYouaresoon!"

9. Neil felt morally vindicated. "That'll teach him for wearing a Bush/Cheney bumpersticker."

10. "Well,sir, I talked to the manager, and he says since it was our mistake, he'll upgrade you to the Deluxe Wash at no extra charge."

22 comments:

Submariner said...

Yes, officer. Daddy taught me to drive on the lawn tractor. Why?

Submariner said...

Welcome to Drew Carey's latest show: Whose Lane Is It Anyways?

Submariner said...

Just tell the cop you were hurrying to get to dinner at grandma's. He'll understand.

Submariner said...

Teddy muttered "Hic! D*mn women dr, dri, drivers..."

Submariner said...

So let me get this straight? You claim that you were showing support for the President by rushing to a Mongolian barbecue when the idiot in front of you just stopped to pay a toll?

Sbmariner said...

Uh-oh! Better get MAACO!

Submariner said...

This worked sooooooo much better back in the 60's when we both drove VW Bugs...

Submariner said...

NY cab driver's license test.

Submariner said...

Ironically, later that day at football practise, Tyrone and Billy would have a similar meeting while attempting to get to the same outhouse seat...

Submariner said...

Bud later said it was all worth it when Sandra Bullock left the toll booth and rescued him from the ensuing fire.

AM42 said...

If these were real New Yorkers, they'd both still be in their cars trying to inch ahead of each other.

Van Helsing said...

This is why two for the price of one specials at tollbooths are not a good idea.

Chip said...

You see, son, when two cars love each other very much...

AM42 said...

"Ahh crap! Hey Bob, can I call you back? I just got hit by some asshole on his cellphone...

You too? Well ain't that a coinci...

Chip said...

GM's last-ditch attempt to salvage their share value led to the two-for-one special. Somehow the engineering department screwed it up, AGAIN!

"OMG, look at those tits!"

--GM Engineering

Kevin Walker said...

"That'll teach that damn ni**er!" Robert Byrd said. looks to his left "Oh Hell no, not you.

sonicfrog said...

Hey, I thought it was the car pool lane!

sonicfrog said...

Hey! You got your Honda in Altima!

Oh! Well YOU got you Altima in my Honda!

"DELICIOUS"!

occasional reader said...

Sonny Corleone had figured he'd be a less conspicuous target if he drove a Nissan. He figured wrong.

Kevin Walker said...

Andrew Sullivan and George Takei go for the same toolbooth boy with disaterous results.

Chip said...

The merger between Honda and Nissan took a dramatic turn when...

Submariner said...

Things did not go smoothly when Gunga Dan and Kommunist Katie found out together exactly which hotel the SheHag was staying...