1. "11 and a half inches. Weep with shame and envy, caucasians!"
2. "No, Senator McCain, it's just a battery cable, not a detainee's intestines. Don't I wish!"
3. "What the Hell am I gonna do with forty-acres-and-a-mule in 2005. Eff yourself, Jesse Jackson. Eff you and your effing Reparations!"
4. "You should see the size of the tampon it's hooked to."
5. (Sigh) "All right, just to satisfy the PC police, we'll call it a Tug-of-Peace."
6. "I said instead of indulging Gulliver's sick fetish, we just skip the auto-erotic part and cut straight to the asphyxiation. Are you with me, fellow Lilliputians?"
7. "Hey, in time of war, sometimes you have to pirate cable. Bravo Company gets really pissy if they miss Sex in the City."
8. "Now, all I need is a whore to tie me up, spank me, and treat me like the bitch that I am."
9. "... and when the Insurgent tries to eat the birdseed, this cable attached to a giant rocket pulls his legs out from under him? I think you're full of sh*t, Major Coyote."
10. "Yup, we blew up Zarqawi real good. All that's left is this varicose vein."
Best of Submariner
Yessir, Sen. Byrd. I'se been assigned as yo protection while in-country. heh, heh, heh
Why yes, Miss von Shtupp, it IS twue, er true, what they say..."
Gay, minority, active-duty, goat-ropers and the cowboys who love 'em.
Best of Kevin Walker
"What's this for? Well, Alpha platoon ran out of beer so we thought that since Kennedy brings his own private tequilla tanker, how would he know if he will be missing 9 or 10 gallons?"
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Pulling the string on the new Michael Moore doll results in a flatulence fiesta not heard since Blazing Saddles.
Wesley Snipes IS GI Joe Mama
"I've been out here holding this net for four hours... something tells me I ain't gonna catch no snipes today."
From a series in Stars and Stripes of photos taken by our brave, amazing soldiers in Iraq.