Monday, November 21, 2005

Cable Guy

1. "11 and a half inches. Weep with shame and envy, caucasians!"

2. "No, Senator McCain, it's just a battery cable, not a detainee's intestines. Don't I wish!"

3. "What the Hell am I gonna do with forty-acres-and-a-mule in 2005. Eff yourself, Jesse Jackson. Eff you and your effing Reparations!"

4. "You should see the size of the tampon it's hooked to."

5. (Sigh) "All right, just to satisfy the PC police, we'll call it a Tug-of-Peace."

6. "I said instead of indulging Gulliver's sick fetish, we just skip the auto-erotic part and cut straight to the asphyxiation. Are you with me, fellow Lilliputians?"

7. "Hey, in time of war, sometimes you have to pirate cable. Bravo Company gets really pissy if they miss Sex in the City."

8. "Now, all I need is a whore to tie me up, spank me, and treat me like the bitch that I am."

9. "... and when the Insurgent tries to eat the birdseed, this cable attached to a giant rocket pulls his legs out from under him? I think you're full of sh*t, Major Coyote."

10. "Yup, we blew up Zarqawi real good. All that's left is this varicose vein."

Best of Submariner
Yessir, Sen. Byrd. I'se been assigned as yo protection while in-country. heh, heh, heh

Why yes, Miss von Shtupp, it IS twue, er true, what they say..."

Gay, minority, active-duty, goat-ropers and the cowboys who love 'em.

Best of Kevin Walker
"What's this for? Well, Alpha platoon ran out of beer so we thought that since Kennedy brings his own private tequilla tanker, how would he know if he will be missing 9 or 10 gallons?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Pulling the string on the new Michael Moore doll results in a flatulence fiesta not heard since Blazing Saddles.

Wesley Snipes IS GI Joe Mama

"I've been out here holding this net for four hours... something tells me I ain't gonna catch no snipes today."

From a series in Stars and Stripes of photos taken by our brave, amazing soldiers in Iraq.

22 comments:

Submariner said...

Nothing to see here, folks. Just taking Casey's mom out for a drag with his hummer. Please move along.

Submariner said...

Sgt Jones models the new Iraqui MLB Umpire uniform.

Submariner said...

You should have SEEN his eyes when the motorcycle drove under the cable! I'm POSITIVE that we have a "Jack*ss winner this week!

Submariner said...

It's just the end of the giant pipe-cleaner we started using to clean "spider-holes" ever since we found Saddam.

Submariner said...

"Just run one trip-wire for us and you're done for the day" they said...

Submariner said...

SOTG got out of the garage with just a lawn tractor, eh? Not after I get done wrapping it in 1" braided cable! And kid? Your mom is STILL a smelly, pirate hooker.

Submariner said...

Tinky-dink, Ho, I don't know what his name is, but there's a tele-tubby at the other end of this and he was singing to al'Qaida operatives!

Submariner said...

Yessir, Sen. Byrd. I'se been assigned as yo protection while in-country. heh, heh, heh

Submariner said...

Next on Montel;

Gay, minority, active-duty, goat-ropers and the cowboys who love 'em.

Submariner said...

ORA

"C'mon you hippo's..."

Submariner said...

ORA (or is it?)

Why yes, Miss von Shtupp, it IS twue, er true, what they say..."

Van Helsing said...

A soldier behind a Humvee gets ready for a little desert waterskiing. It's hard on boots, but a lot of fun if you stay on your feet.

Kevin Walker said...

"What's this for? Well, Alpha platoon ran out of beer so we thought that sine Kennedy brings his own private tequilla tanker, how would he know if he will be missing 9 or 10 gallons?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Pulling the string on the new Michael Moore doll results in a flatulence fiesta not heard since Blazing Saddles.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Wesley Snipes IS GI Joe Mama

Son Of The Godfather said...

"They just had to have the internet out here... Anybody ever heard of 'wireless'?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

The ACLU is successful with their ban on all weapons deemed "inhumane"... The only allowed offensive weapon?... The lasso (if used in a humane way, and without white phosphorous).

Son Of The Godfather said...

"We liberate them from an evil dictator, and now we gotta plow fields for 'em too?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

The only flaw in the new "robot soldier"?...
AC recharger required.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Not Wesley, the other kind:
"I've been out here holding this net for four hours... something tells me I ain't gonna catch no snipes today."

Submariner said...

Mr. Nagin? Just a couple of more pounds of C-4 and we can fix that New Orleans welfare problem for you. Don't worry, you can blame Bush...

Chip said...

Sgt. Jones was not accustomed to Saudi Arabian camel floss.