1. "Some naked guy named Burkett just emerged from a time portal. Wants to know if we'd type up some memos for him."
2. "Well, at least this time, it's just his hand that's stuck in the typewriter."
3. "All right, we'll put Walter Cronkite in charge of the Evening News, but only if you promise never to bring up his 'supple ripe buttocks' again."
4. "Who the Hell is 'Dick from B&D' and why are we paying him $400,000 a year?"
5. "Rather, what's this crap about you being a black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?"
6. "You! I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! GAY BAR! GAY BAR!"
7. "Remember, when he finds Andy Rooney's severed head in the trash, we all yell 'SURPRISE!'"
8. "So, anyway, this Rather guy we just hired is muttering 'If a frog had sidepockets, he'd carry a handgun,' playing with himself, and rubbing Jell-O in his hair. I suggest we keep him away from sharp objects."
9. "Oh, go f**k yourself, Serling. No one wants to hear your hipper-than-thou summation."
10. "Dan Rather's grandson just emerged from a time portal and wanted to see if he could cause a causality paradox. I let him borrow your handgun, I hope you don't mind."
Best of ex-expat
If the set is supposed to replicate a 50's newsroom, then why is there bottle water on the desk?
Best of ColoradoPatriot
"So, in case anybody someday asks, don't forget, the frequency is 98.7MHz. You guys all got that?"
"Well if you ask me, Rather, the current time is quarter till bullshit!"
Best of Submariner
Yes, Dan. We have noticed that the minute hands on all the clocks point the same way...
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Murrow was famous for being able to hold a cig in his left hand, and pocket-pool himself to climax with his right
"Gentlemen, it's imperative to decide which of us will make the best Darren Stevens."
"We erroneously reported that an inhabitant of Smurfville desecrated a Koran and all hell broke loose."
Pic "borrowed" from: Mr. Cranky