Friday, October 21, 2005

You Stay Classy, Son of the Godfather

1. "Some naked guy named Burkett just emerged from a time portal. Wants to know if we'd type up some memos for him."

2. "Well, at least this time, it's just his hand that's stuck in the typewriter."

3. "All right, we'll put Walter Cronkite in charge of the Evening News, but only if you promise never to bring up his 'supple ripe buttocks' again."

4. "Who the Hell is 'Dick from B&D' and why are we paying him $400,000 a year?"

5. "Rather, what's this crap about you being a black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?"

6. "You! I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! GAY BAR! GAY BAR!"

7. "Remember, when he finds Andy Rooney's severed head in the trash, we all yell 'SURPRISE!'"

8. "So, anyway, this Rather guy we just hired is muttering 'If a frog had sidepockets, he'd carry a handgun,' playing with himself, and rubbing Jell-O in his hair. I suggest we keep him away from sharp objects."

9. "Oh, go f**k yourself, Serling. No one wants to hear your hipper-than-thou summation."

10. "Dan Rather's grandson just emerged from a time portal and wanted to see if he could cause a causality paradox. I let him borrow your handgun, I hope you don't mind."

Best of ex-expat

If the set is supposed to replicate a 50's newsroom, then why is there bottle water on the desk?

Best of ColoradoPatriot

"So, in case anybody someday asks, don't forget, the frequency is 98.7MHz. You guys all got that?"

"Well if you ask me, Rather, the current time is quarter till bullshit!"

Best of Submariner

Yes, Dan. We have noticed that the minute hands on all the clocks point the same way...

Best of Son Of The Godfather

Murrow was famous for being able to hold a cig in his left hand, and pocket-pool himself to climax with his right

"Gentlemen, it's imperative to decide which of us will make the best Darren Stevens."

"We erroneously reported that an inhabitant of Smurfville desecrated a Koran and all hell broke loose."

Pic "borrowed" from: Mr. Cranky

25 comments:

ex-expat said...

If the set is supposed to replicate a 50's newsroom, then why is there bottle water on the desk?

ColoradoPatriot said...

"So, in case anybody someday asks, don't forget, the frequency is 98.7MHz. You guys all got that?"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Well if you ask me, Rather, the current time is quarter till bullshit!"

Divine Miss M said...

"What's really bugging me now is my daytime programming. NBC's got a lock on daytime - lousy game shows - and I'd like to bust them. I'm thinking of doing a homosexual soap opera, 'The Dykes': The heart-rending saga about a woman hopelessly in love with her husband's mistress."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Crap! This McCarthy guy is on to us. What's next? 'Independent media'? Some sort of magical machine whereby people can get their news immediately before we get a chance to filter it for them? A fat guy doing a radio show? There's no telling where this may lead! The entire foundation of Leftist propaganda could be wiped out if we don't act fast. "

ColoradoPatriot said...

"I don't know about all that, but mark my words: Someday, Friendly here is gonna be the Sexiest Man Alive."

bubbalove said...

Here, we see Robert Downey Jr. trying to decide who he will offer to blow first for some extra drug money.

Side note: Does anyone else ever wonder if he thinks back on 'Less Than Zero' during his binges?

Submariner said...

So let me see if I got this straight:
Roger was under Victor, and Clarence was over Dunn?

Submariner said...

OK. That was a six-pack of Moosehead and a bucket-o-wings. I'll go fire up the flying sub, Admiral. You get the Yeoman to front you 20 bucks.

Submariner said...

Nothing inspired the young Ed Murrow like a lit Camel, a bottle of Zephyr Hills and the hint of a new scandal a-brewin' in the press-room...

Submariner said...

I was thinking about starting the news tonight with "Do not attempt to change the station. We control the vertical. We control the horizontal. We can make things crystal clear..."

Submariner said...

Y'know, I'm worried about Black Rock. I hired that Texas yokel as a prank and they seem to be backing him!

Submariner said...

Yes, Dan. We have noticed that the minute hands on all the clocks point the same way...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Murrow was famous for being able to hold a cig in his left hand, and pocket-pool himself to climax with his right

(how's that for classy? ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hey, have either of you ever been in a Turkish prison?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Boys, with this damned witchunt hanging over us, we're findin' it hard to get good people in here. We've been forced to hire the company prostitute and the retarded janitor to the news staff. Say 'Hello' if ya get the chance, will ya?... There names are 'Mapes' and 'Rather'"

Son Of The Godfather said...

CBS news: We know the time in FOUR different time zones!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I've been thinkin'... Maybe McCarthy is right about all this 'threat of Communism' stuff..."

[PAUSE]

All three burst out laughing.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Clooney, I know you're an idiot, but how many times do you have to be taught not to answer the typewriter? Try to remember, Georgie, it's the telephone that rings..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"George Bush doesn't care about color-challenged liberal whiners!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Gentlemen, it's imperative to decide which of us will make the best Darren Stevens."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Robert Downey Sr. could hold down a job.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"We erroneously reported that an inhabitant of Smurfville desecrated a Koran and all hell broke loose."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"So then she says something about this not being her first rodeo or something and then just turns and storms out."
"Weird."
"Yea, psycho bitch."

Submariner said...

Moe!
Larry!
Cheese!