Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Yo, Louis, Save Me a Seat on the Mothership


1. (More from UN Open Mike Night) "I hate the sunlight and I hate the night./I hate white people because they is white./ Their hair is wavy, their lips is thin/ But worse than white women, I hate white men./ Walking around with briefcase and money / Bust they head open, my ain't that funny? /Not out of anger and not out of spite. /I just hate whitey because they is white."

2. The sign behind him is absolutely right. Robert Mugabe is an Effin' A-hole.

3. "You too, can make a fortune in real estate, with no money down, using my patented system of armed thugs to drive people off their land."

4. "I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler!!"

5. "... and we're supposed to believe that the Empire falls apart just because the Rebel Alliance blew up the second death star with another lucky shot? And Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side because he had a bad dream? What the Hell was Lucas thinking?" Robert Mugabe: dictator, thug, embittered sci-fi geek.

6. "You kids get outta my yard!"

7. "Restraining order? What the hell? After Al and Jesse, I thought Sheehan liked a slice off the rye loaf."

8. "No, Mr. Mugabe! Waving around will only make the bees angrier!"

9. "Fools! My thesis is flawless! The pyramids were built by The Dixie Chicks!"

10. "And I am furious at the way your government allowed Hurricane Katrina to make thousands homeless and impoverished. In my country, we use government thugs for that."

I blame: Van Hel-s-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-n-g

Best of Submariner
"Dammit, Kobe. I COMMAND you to throw it over here!"

Best of Colorado Patriot
The fire in Mugabe's eyes proved once and for all that he wasn't kidding when he told the crowd: "I loves me some food and agriculture!"

22 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

A few scant seconds later, the pressure in his head succumbed to the Scanner's ability. The janitors would be working overtime.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Al Roker looks pissed!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...and I said to myself, Mug baby, where else in the entire world could a corrupt, murdering politician get applause..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Baba-Booey! Baba-Booey! Howard Stern's penis! Baba-Booey!"

Submariner said...

Nobody can beat my prices! That's because I'm in-sane!"

Submariner said...

"... because George Bush and Tony Blair, those Hitler and Mussoline clones, just don't care about dictatorial black thugs! That's why!"

Submariner said...

"Dammit, Kobe. I COMMAND you to throw it over here!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"My new jumbo-sized paper football will revolutionize office desktop matches!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Surely, with all their gadgetry, someone at the CIA has already thought up a .45 caliber tube that is indistinguishable from, say, a microphone?

Submariner said...

All non-blacks in my country have been ordered by law to wear purple capes, Nikes and cut off their snizzles.
(snicker, snicker, snicker.) Oh yeah;
They also VOLUNTARILY offered the deeds to their farms to me, and I accepted on the part of my government...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Except for the cool stinger, and maybe some honey, I don't see why anyone in their right mind would want to mug a bee.

Submariner said...

And a message just handed to me;

Cindy Sheehan, so-called "Mother Moonbat," quit hounding Jesse - he said you weren't any good and you're no longer of any use getting him air time.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The most important day of his career, and Robert Mugabe realizes he forgot to wear pants.

Submariner said...

"And without question, it's George Bush's fault!

I say it's George Bush's fault, dammit!

uhhhhh, what is your issue?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Oh how I wish it was the "Food and Agriculture Group", and that Robert was standing a little to his left.

Submariner said...

"Illegal land grab? I LIKE the sound of that..."

ColoradoPatriot said...

The fire in Mugabe's eyes proved once and for all that he wasn't kidding when he told the crowd: "I loves me some food and agriculture!"

Submariner said...

"And the UN shall pay me....
10 Million Dollars!
muwahahahahaha"

(snicker, snicker guffaw!)

"Can someone throw me a frickin' bone, here?"

Submariner said...

Respect mah authoritah!

Van Helsing said...

"Obey me! For I am the true General Zod."

bubbalove said...

Here, Robert Mugabe can be seen gesturing wildly as the C.I.A.-programmed aide-bot behind him executes the 'Anal-Rape' command, much to the amusement of the techno-nerds in charge of operation "Froggy Bottom".

or

"@#$%^!! Who keeps scribbling 'U R A Dick-Tater' on all my speeches!?"

or

"..and we're gonna take all the farms in Zimbabwe! And Sudan! And Egypt! And South Africa! YEEEAAARRRRGH!"

lawhawk said...

Speaking before the Friends of the Alien Order (or Friends of the Alien Overlords), Mugabe attempts to speak in the language of Kang and Kardos to no avail...