Friday, October 14, 2005

The Woodwork Creaks and Out Come the Freaks

1. "Now, children, until you've had 30 or 40 plastic surgeries, daddy can't stand to look at you. The veils stay."

2. "Remember, Boyfinger, we're on our way to Toys'R'Us. Do Not refer to it as 'The Bait Shop.'"

3. Creepily humming "Double your pleasure/Double your fun...."

4. "Daddy! The carnivorous chia-pet just fangoriously devoured Uncle Tito."

5. Boyfinger was excited about his first court-mandated course in 'Child Rearing.'

6. Nausea ensued when Boyfinger told the assembled press, "I just wanna go home and play with my little man."

7. Paris continues to mourn for Bubbles, while Prince just dreads his dad's nightly game of 'kiss the bride.'

8. "Look, the veils are just there so Mr. Jackson can dehumanize them during the molestation. What's wrong with that? Would you rather he accepted their humanity and still molested them? Because that would be sick."

9. "I know how to make the kids even weirder. Let's teach them to speak exclusively in Esperanto!"

10. "Now, children, clean your cages or I won't loosen the ball gags."

Thanks --- Sondra the K


Son Of The Godfather said...

The fear of having been dangled over a balcony railing as a baby forever forced her to seek the psychological comfort of a burqa.

Son Of The Godfather said...

And Though You Fight To Stay Alive
Your Body Starts To Shiver
For No Mere Mortal Can Resist
The Evil Of The Thriller

[Into Maniacal Laugh, In Deep Echo]

Son Of The Godfather said...

I don't get it... Why would you want to live in a place where bees only attacked children?

Rufus Leaking said...

Where else but America can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white man?

Van Helsing said...

If only Jacko would wear a veil himself, he would be a lot easier on the eyes.

Divine Miss M said...

The Ayatollah Yves St. Laurent Fall Collection is now available in children's sizes.

Cybrludite said...

SOTG, you mean, "can grow up to be a rich white WOMAN", right?

Son Of The Godfather said...

cybrludite, that's what I woulda gone for, but ain't my caption. ;)

Anonymous said...

One kid to the other: "Relax, I told ya, none of our friends will recognize us with these bags on our heads."

Tess Turbo said...

Can't this @#$%head read the "May Suffocate Small Children" labels on the shopping bags?!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Michael's letting the kids go out on Halloween as the "Burqaa Twins".

Son Of The Godfather said...

What Most People Don't Know:
The kids actually begged to wear the disguises.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I'm starting with the man in the mirror,
I'm asking him to change his ra-ace...

Son Of The Godfather said...

OK, I'm not sure if it's accurate, but here are the lyrics to "Bad" I found on a website... Those poor, poor kids.
We report, you decide!


Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Take You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight
I'm Telling You
On How I Feel
Gonna Hurt Your Mind
Don't Shoot To Kill
Come On, Come On,
Lay It On Me All Right...

Son Of The Godfather said...

From "Billie Jean", some lyrics I understand:

But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son

Son Of The Godfather said...

Eerily reminiscent of the candy-man kid-catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Pictured here: Chris Darden, his male companion, the little girl Alia from Dune, and a strange kid being attacked by an alien spore.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The children wisely covered themselves so the Jackson Goa'uld symbiote could not complete the host transfer.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Obscure ref to new series remake:
Michael is passed a note from someone in the crowd, reading simply "You know what you have to do."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"George Bush doesn't care about effeminate people of indeterminate ethnicity and questionable sexual preferences!"