Thursday, October 20, 2005

Total Request Thursday

1. "Now serving ... Number 92. Number 92... Number 92?"

2. "Sorry, monsieur, this is Europe. The hookers are unionized, and you have to pay the same even if she did used to be a guy. It's all based on seniority."

3. Once again, I am compelled to point out that real-life prostitutes bear little resemblance to Julia Roberts.

4. The next group to use the conference room never did figure out why the flag smelled like tuna.

5. NATO's Elite SLUT UNIT has seen better days.

6. From the makers of "Pimpbot 3000," the "Slut Unit 3," rated two stars by the European Commission.

7. Her hair and face were normal before she plugged her Pleasure Vibe 3000 into one of those weird East European outlets.

8. Gary's mom was a constant source of embarrassment... always hitting on his friends and ranting on about the glories of free love and a common currency.

9. "Kobe, over here, I'm WIDE open."

10. Just a used-up whore dishonoring a flag, but enough about John Kerry...

11. One of the least popular 'rides' at Euro-Disney.

Best of Submariner
"Oui, oui... N'est-ce pas? Oh course I am zee 'smelly pirate hookaire.' And for a few francs more, I can be any-sing else monsieur desires?"

Best of ColoradoPatriot
Courtney Love Guest Stars on a very special Commander in Chief

Best of Divine Miss M
"Me love you long time. Long, long time. Decades, if you want."

From here, on a tip from three different people.

62 comments:

bubbalove said...

The Very Epitome Of Modern Europe: An old, used-up whore wrapping herself in a flag of faux modernity.

or

Geez! Madonna has really went to hell in a handbasket since moving to England!

or

Here, a prostitute performs a live demonstration of what applicant countries have to do to gain entry into the E.U.

Submariner said...

"Oui, oui... Nest pas? Oh course I am zee 'smelly pirate hookaire.' And for a few francs more, I can be any-sing else monsieur desires?"

Submariner said...

V,

You should be ashamed of yourself - #10 made me spew coffee all over my monitor!

Submariner said...

Or perhaps DAMNED proud of yourself. Your choice, of course.

Submariner said...

Speaking of John F'n Kerry channeling a different sort of Quagmire:

"Giggidy, giggidy; I'd do her."

Submariner said...

Following Jim's encarceration, Tammy Faye fell on hard times, IF you know what I mean?

lawhawk said...

This is the latest move by the UN to curb sexual misconduct among its peacekeepers. Hookers for all!

ColoradoPatriot said...

Hell's Bells! If Geena Davis can be President of the US, why can't Courtney Love be Secretary General?

Divine Miss M said...

"Me love you long time. Long, long time. Decades, if you want."

Tess Turbo said...

Hillary scary Halloween costume -- universally mistaken for botched plastic surgery -- did absolutely nothing to warm anyone to her nationalized health care plan.

Van Helsing said...

Only in France could this woman make a living as a prostitute. She's probably getting subsidized.

Anonymous said...

Andrew Sullivan dreamed he was King of Gobsmackistan in his Maidenform bra.

andthenblammo!

Son Of The Godfather said...

{begin best comments from Free Republic}

"Lotta hard miles on her odometer."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"She looks like 20 miles of bad road on the outside and I don't even want to think about the inside."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Re: France, EU, and prostitutes:

"Well, all three are whores."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Oh, dear heavens. That can't be real. If it is, what do the customers look like."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"So, on a totally unrelated topic, what do you get if you cross Susan Estrich with Helen Thomas then cross the result with Nancy Pelosi?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

The ICRSE wants to end the criminalization of the sex industry
"Well, sex with *that* should remain criminal anyway."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"These demonic possessions seem to be getting more common."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Allah bids you welcome."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Now I know what they mean when they refer to someone as looking like they were 'beaten with an Ugly Stick'."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"There's a "sex workers" union of sorts, and it's clear that Camille has seniority."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"My Eyes, My EYES!!!!!!!"
--Al Bundy

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Dat, is one good reason to stay the hell outta France."
--Dice Clay

Son Of The Godfather said...

"She should have to pay her Johns, what a hideous skank."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Paris Hilton in 5 years."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"After seeing the protest, the European Parliament reconsidered and thought outlawing prostitution was a good idea."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"BRAAAINS!!!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Sex worker Camille Cabral...
...representing French prostitutes...
...poses next to a European Union flag...


"Three repulsive phrases -- hard to discern which is more repulsive."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I have seen better looking women in the wreckage of automobiles at the scene of a head-on collision."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"There is not enough beer in the entire universe to make that look good."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"She's so ugly she went to the haunted house and they gave her a job application."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"If there was ever example of 'You get what you pay for'."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly like that goes to the bone."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"If this is what French men pay for, imagine what they get for free...
Yes, I'd surrender if I were French too."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Eeeegads, imagine the stench wafting off of that hideous beast."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"See, this is a perfect example of unions resulting in shoddier work products."

Son Of The Godfather said...

I like this one... (remember these are all stolen from the Free Republic thread):

Liberal thought process before sex - yes I should be free and do this, but am I respecting her rights as a woman if I'm on top, no she should be on top and have the dominant position as part of an act of rebellion against the male heirarchy, but wait a second I'm exploiting her labour by having her do all the work so I should serve her by being on top or is it the other way around, and damn did I remember to put the 3rd condom on correctly to ensure that she doesn't get pregnant but it doesn't matter if she does because she can abort it anyway it's perfectly natural but I'm being a male chauvinist pig to even think that I should expect her to do that and damn I should call my shrink because I think I need another dose of Lithium....

Conservative thought process before sex: "let's roll."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"She is so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"so ugly they put her in the zoo to keep the monkeys from jerking off..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"so ugly she tried joining an ugly contest, they said, 'Sorry, no professionals!'"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"..when God said "Let there be light" He reconsidered."

Son Of The Godfather said...

“...she scared Stevie Wonder away.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“...her mama had to get drunk to breast-feed her.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“So ugly when she was born her mom said ‘What a treasure!’ and her dad said ‘Yeah, lets bury it!’”

Son Of The Godfather said...

Backstage we're having the time
of our lives until somebody say
Forgive me if I seem out of line
Then she whipped out of her gun
tried to blow me away

Dude look like a lady

Son Of The Godfather said...

This one seems like a classic Jack Handey:
“If I saw that wandering down the street, I'd try to give it massive head trauma since that what movies tell me to do in case of zombies.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“Take one look at her and you know why the birth rate in France is dropping.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“I have NEVER been that desperate in my life, ever.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

Well, sex with *that* should remain criminal anyway.
“It's probably covered by various State Laws regarding bestiality.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

”It is probably covered by various State Laws regarding bestiality.”
“Necrophilia, I would have thought. We now know who the Bride of the Crypt Keeper is.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

I liked this one:
French Prostitute: "Camille, you don't speak for me!!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

“Great googlymoogly...celibacy never looked so good...”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“Man, those French women are hot!”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“Ugh...I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“OMG. Someone please find and arrest the perp who mercilessly beat that poor woman senseless with an ugly stick.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“Helen Thomas high school photo?”

Son Of The Godfather said...

“I can actually smell that picture.”
{End stolen captions from Free Republic}

Son Of The Godfather said...

Quagmire: “No way. Even I have my limits! OK, maybe at closing time. Giggiddy Giggiddy!”

Son Of The Godfather said...

I think we better cap the captions soon… Anybody really wanna see this he/she ho get to “69”? heh

Submariner said...

When there's something wrong,
In your neighborhood,
Who ya gonna call?
Skank-busters!

Jason McClain said...

"Right this way...my preeeeecioussss."