Thursday, October 13, 2005

Synchronized

1. "Ann Coulter naked on a cold day? Oh, yeah, break me off a piece of that!"

2. "Not bad, Colonel North, but those glutes could still use some more definition.

3. "It's only about yeah-big, but it's ill-tempered and got nasty sharp teeth. It escaped from a DARPA lab yesterday. Whatever you do, don't let it get near your balls."

4. As a Zen meditation technique, Rumsfeld and his top staff like to make cat's cradles with no string.

5. "Well, the Iraqis couldn't come up with a consensus leader. So, we gave it to the girl with the biggest tits."

6. "I can't believe those numbskulls at Walter Reed were gonna charge $3000 to reset my thumb. I fixed it up just fine with $3.29 worth of electrical tape."

7. "Kobe, over here! We're warming our hands over nice hot mugs of cocoa and we saved you some."

8. Rumsfeld: "We're bombing the insurgent positions at Hallal tomorrow at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar."
Reporter: "When will you be back?"
Rumsfeld: "I can't tell you that. It's classified."

10. "So, anyway, we're down in Tal Afar and all of a sudden these blue-eyed bastiches appear out of no where, led by a punk kid riding a giant sand-worm, and he says, 'My name is a killing word.' So, I cuffed the punk-kid upside the head and slapped him silly, and that's how I hurt my thumb."

Thanks --- Bubbalove

36 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

The reporter asks a question about the president's "manhood".

Son Of The Godfather said...

Tired of the repetitive nature of his answers, Rumsfield and company break up the monotony with a little mime action.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Napoleon Dynamite ref:
Donald explains how lots of gangs at his high-school wanted him due to his skill with the bow-staff.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Excuse me, sirs, but how would you describe Helen Thomas's vagina?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"My kung-fu is greater than yours."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"You just grab the Smurf's and squeeze until blue goo comes out the ears."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...bake me a cake as fast as you can..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"The hand?... Oh nothing, just a dumb-ass reporter question I didn't appreciate... What was it you wanted to know again?"

Submariner said...

"So I held out my right hand with the pebble and told the General 'When you can take it, the Chairmanship is yours.' So the bastard reaches out and put a thumb-lock on my LEFT hand, and I guess you can see the results."

"Damn Marines don't play fair - the magnificent bastards!"

Submariner said...

"The hand? Just some reporter stuck on stupid... Your question?"

Submariner said...

The General here prefers the garrot, I just like a cross-thumb laryngeal crush...

Submariner said...

So, anyways, we were having this conversation regarding the proper vote counting techniques and they took offense when we broke it down as "this little piggy..." So we had no option but to choke the fool.

Submariner said...

What the hell do you mean "There's no such thing as a Vulcan Death Pinch?"

Submariner said...

Rummy and the Grunt show what they intend to do with the jihadi that dropped an "atomic elbow drop" on their little brother during the warm-up match...

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Yea, whatever, Pace! You know I'm at least 3 inches longer than you!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...and then the buttocks are spread wide to check for any smuggled Korans..."

(and SOTG gets a fatwah declared on him)

Submariner said...

If Condi can describe herself that way when it's soooo obviously an exageration, I can embellish a little myself...

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I can personally attest to this one... George Bush does indeed care about voluptuous-naked-elf-temptress-warrior snow people. Next question?"

Submariner said...

Those were pretty close to the same thought at the same time (10:28/10:32). Really - didn't see yours first but I do tip the chapeau to you.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The media battle was won swifty, once they tossed the new, invisible moonbat-mindcontrol-globes into the crowd.

(nah submariner, with the "Stuck on Stupid" ref, I bow to the superior caption. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Putting both hands in, pulling both hands out, putting both hands back in and shaking them all about, they finally realized what it was ALL about.

Submariner said...

Uncle Walter and the crowd have been blasting us as being warmongerers, hate mongerers, pretty much everything but Mousekateerers. We're here today to change that image: So everybody join us...

"He's got the whole world, in His hands..."
*CLAP*

Submariner said...

Why is it looking at this picture my mind conjures up the "I Love Lucy" episode where Lucy mirrored Harpo Marx?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Wait, let me see if I have this right... You're telling me Clark and Lana finally did it? Cool. Hey, do you think Chloe is like, way hotter this season, or what!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...and it's the pelvic thrust/that really drives you in-sa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aane..."

bubbalove said...

"And might we say, we think you have the best rack of all the reporter babes here today!"

or

Operating in unison, SecDef and MarGen perform a Jedi mind trick on the reporting staff at the Pentagon briefing:" You WILL begin reporting the truth. You WILL vote Republican from now on. Oh, and Helen Thomas, you WILL commit suicide by sundown today."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Well, the President looked at all the potential candidates. Unfortunately, the previous frontrunner had this little... uhm... 'idiosyncrasy'... I dunno, something about pouring milk through her nostrils..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Then, using new technology, we will reduce Linda Rondstadt's bulbous body and shoot her into outer space."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Red Foreman's voice:
"Had I envisioned a more timely withdrawal from Iraq?... If you ask another question like that, you'll be envisioning withdrawaling my foot from your ass."

Submariner said...

Obscure reference alert:

Shortly afterwards, General Pace leaned over, making puking sounds. As the Chunky soup poured out of the can in his dress blouse and splattered to the floor, Rummy broke out a spoon and started gobbling it up.

Briefing room reporters all seemed aghast except Helen Thomas who broke out an unused McDonald's convenience pack from her purse and headed for the dias...

jeff said...

ObRefAns: Submariner has read Spider Robinson's Callahan's Bar series?

Submariner said...

Actually, the fancy dress ball scene from "The Great Santini."

Van Helsing said...

When Helen Thomas's head tumbled off her shoulders, her fellow reporters needed some assistance getting it back on straight.

Kevin Walker said...

"I don't know if it was the pot, the beer, or maybe the Windex, but Hillary's ass was about this big. Would you agree, General?"
"I don't know, maybe a little more like this big."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"No, Mr... Kolchak did you say?... There were no signs of anything 'unusual' discovered at the scene of Ms. Pelosi's suicide. The black candles, chicken's blood, and pentagram all belonged to the deceased."

John said...

Wow a V the K reference to Airplane, followed by Dune, and not a word about it in the comments.