1. "It just sort of fell from the sky and crushed the life out of some gay little kid with a blanket."
2. "Do all genetically modified pumpkins have eyeballs?"
3. "Wake up, Mr. Brando. Scorcese needs you on the set. Mr. Brando? Mr. Brando?"
4. "And they thought Daddy was crazy for starting a pumpkin farm over a Superfund site."
5. "Second place? Second place! Do you know how many Mexican day-laborers died just getting this thing on the truck, you insensitive bastards?"
6. Everything in her small town life seemed to mock her dreams of someday treating Michael Moore's hemorrhoids
7. "Look, Daddy, I'm Sisyphus." Gerald frowned. Suddenly, all those nights his wife spent "working late" with Victor Davis Hanson made perfect, horrible, sense.
8. A young Paris Hilton discovers frottage.
9. "Little girl, we're unfortunately out of dolls. Could you demonstrate where Scott Ritter touched you using this pumpkin?"
10. "I think I'll be able to get 14 or 15 kilos up from Caracas in this, with an uncut street value of at least 730K."
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