Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Sometimes a Pumpkin Is Just a Pumpkin

1. "It just sort of fell from the sky and crushed the life out of some gay little kid with a blanket."

2. "Do all genetically modified pumpkins have eyeballs?"

3. "Wake up, Mr. Brando. Scorcese needs you on the set. Mr. Brando? Mr. Brando?"

4. "And they thought Daddy was crazy for starting a pumpkin farm over a Superfund site."

5. "Second place? Second place! Do you know how many Mexican day-laborers died just getting this thing on the truck, you insensitive bastards?"

6. Everything in her small town life seemed to mock her dreams of someday treating Michael Moore's hemorrhoids

7. "Look, Daddy, I'm Sisyphus." Gerald frowned. Suddenly, all those nights his wife spent "working late" with Victor Davis Hanson made perfect, horrible, sense.

8. A young Paris Hilton discovers frottage.

9. "Little girl, we're unfortunately out of dolls. Could you demonstrate where Scott Ritter touched you using this pumpkin?"

10. "I think I'll be able to get 14 or 15 kilos up from Caracas in this, with an uncut street value of at least 730K."

Link to the Source

26 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

Son Of The Godfather learned that very morning from V the K that what he had been doing all these years had a name...
Pillow humping, thy name be "frottage"!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Just In Time For Thanksgiving:
American Pie 4: This Time, It's Personal
(and a bit yuckier if you save the seeds)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"THERE IS NO RADIATION DANGER!... Why just look at this proud tyke with his prize-winning pumpkin! Nothing abnormal here!"
"Sir, that's a tangerine."
"Oh. Never mind."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Peter Peter is gonna need some Pepto Bismal and a bunch of toilet paper.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I don't have to explain myself. Just get the f-ing crowbar and some 10W-30."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Star Jones should really avoid the belly shirts.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

A young Dr. Evil waits for just the right density of tourists to hatch his very first "really super evil" plan: rolling a giant walnut through them.
(Years later, Scott Evil would giggle that his father only had the one nut to roll.)

Son Of The Godfather said...

That kid should really look into circumcision.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Jabba the Hutt had a relatively normal childhood.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The pebble to his temple had toppled the beast. Davey climbed onto the head of the fallen James Carville.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Jor-El opted only for economy-class for his son's long journey.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I thought "pumpkin" was somethin' ya did at a hillbilly family reunion.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Timmy attempted the munchkin-mind-meld with the Horta... "PAIN!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Helen Thomas with her great great great grandson.

Son Of The Godfather said...

His past T-ball failures behind him, Timmy was certain the new mitt would help catch any pop-fly's headed his way.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hold on... With those shoes and glasses, it may be "Tina" and not "Timmy"... or possibly that Kathy Lee's kid Codey.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Yeah, that's great fairy godmother... A pumpkin that turns into a stagecoach, only with no doors, windows, wheels or horses. Very f-ing funny."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Tina thought it was funny while she was swallowing the inflatable raft, but the joke was on her when the cord was pulled.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Paul Atriedes trains his first pet?

Van Helsing said...

"Bobby shot me with his squirt gun. So I crushed him with this giant pumpkin."

tomslick said...

Come along young Barney, the other children want a turn dry humping the pumpkin.

bubbalove said...

Alerted by the screaming bystanders, Hillary quickly bent over to get up and thankfully, the child she'd sat on popped out unharmed from the rolls of fat on her ass!

Anonymous said...

Any one read this other than Son of Sam..err Godfather?

Whoopsie-Daisey said...

Mama moonbat promised me that if I "loved it from behind long enough, and tightly enough" it would turn into Michael Chiklis, or at least Jesse Jackson...

Citizen Grim said...

hahaha... the Victor Davis Hanson one was pretty good... :)