1. "It just sort of fell from the sky and crushed the life out of some gay little kid with a blanket."2. "Do all genetically modified pumpkins have eyeballs?"
3. "Wake up, Mr. Brando. Scorcese needs you on the set. Mr. Brando? Mr. Brando?"
4. "And they thought Daddy was crazy for starting a pumpkin farm over a Superfund site."
5. "Second place? Second place! Do you know how many Mexican day-laborers died just getting this thing on the truck, you insensitive bastards?"
6. Everything in her small town life seemed to mock her dreams of someday treating Michael Moore's hemorrhoids
7. "Look, Daddy, I'm Sisyphus." Gerald frowned. Suddenly, all those nights his wife spent "working late" with Victor Davis Hanson made perfect, horrible, sense.
8. A young Paris Hilton discovers frottage.
9. "Little girl, we're unfortunately out of dolls. Could you demonstrate where Scott Ritter touched you using this pumpkin?"
10. "I think I'll be able to get 14 or 15 kilos up from Caracas in this, with an uncut street value of at least 730K."
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26 comments:
Son Of The Godfather learned that very morning from V the K that what he had been doing all these years had a name...
Pillow humping, thy name be "frottage"!
Just In Time For Thanksgiving:
American Pie 4: This Time, It's Personal
(and a bit yuckier if you save the seeds)
"THERE IS NO RADIATION DANGER!... Why just look at this proud tyke with his prize-winning pumpkin! Nothing abnormal here!"
"Sir, that's a tangerine."
"Oh. Never mind."
Peter Peter is gonna need some Pepto Bismal and a bunch of toilet paper.
"I don't have to explain myself. Just get the f-ing crowbar and some 10W-30."
Star Jones should really avoid the belly shirts.
"FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"
A young Dr. Evil waits for just the right density of tourists to hatch his very first "really super evil" plan: rolling a giant walnut through them.
(Years later, Scott Evil would giggle that his father only had the one nut to roll.)
That kid should really look into circumcision.
Jabba the Hutt had a relatively normal childhood.
The pebble to his temple had toppled the beast. Davey climbed onto the head of the fallen James Carville.
Jor-El opted only for economy-class for his son's long journey.
I thought "pumpkin" was somethin' ya did at a hillbilly family reunion.
Timmy attempted the munchkin-mind-meld with the Horta... "PAIN!"
Helen Thomas with her great great great grandson.
His past T-ball failures behind him, Timmy was certain the new mitt would help catch any pop-fly's headed his way.
Hold on... With those shoes and glasses, it may be "Tina" and not "Timmy"... or possibly that Kathy Lee's kid Codey.
"Yeah, that's great fairy godmother... A pumpkin that turns into a stagecoach, only with no doors, windows, wheels or horses. Very f-ing funny."
Tina thought it was funny while she was swallowing the inflatable raft, but the joke was on her when the cord was pulled.
Paul Atriedes trains his first pet?
"Bobby shot me with his squirt gun. So I crushed him with this giant pumpkin."
Come along young Barney, the other children want a turn dry humping the pumpkin.
Alerted by the screaming bystanders, Hillary quickly bent over to get up and thankfully, the child she'd sat on popped out unharmed from the rolls of fat on her ass!
Any one read this other than Son of Sam..err Godfather?
Mama moonbat promised me that if I "loved it from behind long enough, and tightly enough" it would turn into Michael Chiklis, or at least Jesse Jackson...
hahaha... the Victor Davis Hanson one was pretty good... :)
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