1. "Sorry Mom, I was staring at that girl's ass and my cat's cradle kinda got away from me."
2. "Aren't we supposed to be having dinner with grandma tonight? Oh, it's okay, just tell her you were too busy getting high."
3. "This year, I'm collectin' for UNICEF, so when they get enough money, they can firebomb the Smurfs!"
4. "I saw the whole thing! Peter Parker injected the midget with his digestive fluids, and sucked away until nothing but the bones were left."
5. "Yeah, mom, I think it's great that we still can make use of sis's remains, but the Child Protective Services people may feel otherwise."
6. "Grissom is so gonna have your ass for mishandling the evidence, mom."
7. "Hey, isn't it kind of early for Senator Byrd to be wearing his ghost costume?"
8. "Don't be silly, Alex. If there ever were any ghosts in your room, the monsters in your closet would have eaten them a long time ago."
9. "Look, here's some more entrails. I love it when you lock a drifter in the cage with the pit bulls!"
10. "You know, fattening me up with donuts, Oreos, and Mountain Dew was just neglect, but then making me wear this shirt constitutes pure child cruelty."
Lawsuit Bait From: Ionia Sentinel-Standard