Sunday, October 09, 2005

Return of the Judgmental Condi Rice

1. Condi graphically describes exactly how Senator Clinton had touched her, and then was asked to describe what she saw when Senator Clinton dropped her pants."

2. "And then, the French peacekeeper says, 'My sex-slave, I thought she was your sex slave!' They all look alike at that age, don't they, folks?" Open mike night at the U.N.

3. More from U.N. Open-Mike Night. "So, Kofi Annan read in the New York Times that 2 Brazilian peacekeepers were killed. So, he calls up John Bolton and asks, 'how many is a brazilian?' and Bolton says, 'That's about how much you skimmed off Oil for Food, Kofi Cup...'"

4. "Bring it on, biyatch. I'll rip that nappy-ass weave right off your head and shove it up your Florence Griffith Joyner ass. You hear me, Kofi?"

5. "I tell you the same thing I told Ted Kennedy, they are real, and they're spectacular!"

6. Condi was mid-way through a story about Rick James and Charlie Murphy eating pancakes with Prince before she realized was watching Chappelle's Show instead of the TelePrompter.

7. "And then I said, 'Well, Mr. Chirac, would these change your mind?'"

8. Nobody knew who she was, or she got in, but somehow she got a hold of the microphone and removed a pair of falsies while screaming, "Baba Booey! Baba Booey!"

9. "Now, Cheney wanted to call it the "Manziere,' but I was partial to, 'the bro.'"

10. You know, you can write all the breast captions you want, but the real issue is, why the Hell is she dressed like the bald chick in Star Trek: The Motion Picture?

17 comments:

bubbalove said...

"Yes, when I'm President, I'll have implants out to here and they will be known as the First Rack."

or

"After Deckard and I melded into the V-ger entity, he whipped out a a rod as long as this mike stand and a set of balls this big! Talk about evolving! Wow!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Think Lt. Frank Drebin from Police Squad:
"I like my presidential candidates like my coffee; hot, black, and with two lumps of sugar."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Janet Jackson made fun of ME on Saturday Night Live?!?... And that was after SHE exposed her floppy, flap-jack titty at the Superbowl? Well dig THESE, 'Ms.Nasty'!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Condi Double-D in '08

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Esteemed collegues of the United Nations, a great number of you participated in taking kickbacks in the oil-for-food scandals. There is a malodorous scent within these walls. You have sold yourselves to line your own pockets while Iraqi children died from your neglect. Faced with these overwhelming facts, there is no other conclusion to be reached except that many of you are indeed smelly pirate hookers."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"This is my microphone/these are my guns/this one's for speaking/these are for fun."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ignore my Logan's Run costume and instead focus on my bodacious ta-ta's"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I can take Hillary in '08. Most women will vote for me because Mrs.Clinton is a phoney. African Americans will vote for me because of my ethnicity. Most men will vote for me because Hillary has a fat ass, and I... well, I have these."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Stewie Griffin: "Did you see what he did there? He cleverly used several references to Dr. Rice's breasts to elicit laughter. Quite brilliant really. Well done! Unfortunately, breast jokes are SO last week. Personally, I find no need to make sport of Condi's funbags... aha aha aha!...

...BLAST!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Slogans that probably won't hold up:
In '08 we want Condi Rice,
Not Hillary's skanky pubic lice!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Already got the victory music for the '08 election: Bow Wow Wow's (revamped): "I want Condi"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Yeah, I see you up there, France. You anti-semite, corrupt, old-people-killin', outrageous-unemployment, decaying-infrastructure cowardly piece of shit. Let's just see how smug you are when I take over and send Rove to the UN to shake things up in a few years."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Mainstream media was puzzled once again when the "racist, women-hating, hillbilly red-staters" overwhelmingly voted for the first female black president ever.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"The UN is responsible for scandals in the oil-for-food program, gross negligence in Darfur and elsewhere, and nepotism at the highest levels. It is an incompetent, impotent, and obsolete body. I thank God you are in no way responsible for the oversight of the internet. You want WHAT?!?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Condi, 24th level Sorceress, then summoned balls of electricity and hurled them at representatives from France, Germany, North Korea, China, Syria, and Iran, incinerating them instantaneously.
"Just fucking blink, Venezuela, and learn what it's like to ride the lightning."

Van Helsing said...

"If they were out to here I'd be able to run roughshod over Hillary."