Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ready Teddy?

1. "'Cos, I'm the f**kin' lion of the f**kin' US Senate, bitch. That's why I get a chauffered limo every day and you have to come to work in a piece-a-sh*t Hyundai."

2. "Hey, that's a pretty dress, but it would look even better soaking wet at the bottom of a river on your drowned and moldering corpse. ... What?"

3. "Yeah, Maya Angelou's a f**kin' national treasure, all right. So's my ballsack. (pause) She's right next to me, isn't she?"

4. "Damn, I can remember when the agency used to send attractive broads to give me the afternoon enema."

5. "Hey, do you broads want to see a dead body?"

6. "You broads are kinda hot... course, I'm kinda f**kin' sh*tfaced right now."

7. "Don't worry, senator. It happens to all men sometimes."

8. "Oh, and sorry about that comment earlier. I have that disease that makes you swear involuntarily. Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch. See?"

9. "Gross! I could have guessed a woman your age didn't need much in the way of a tampon. You didn't have to show it to me."

10. "And when we liberal democrats are once again back in power... [snort] ... Guffaw.... I'm sorry, let me try that again. I'll see if I can keep a straight face this time."

Thanks --- Sondra the K

Best of SOTG
Senator Kennedy begged to differ. Fat, drunk, and stupid was a great way to go through life!

Best of Divine Miss M
Don't worry about the details, we'll drive off the bridge when we come to it.

Best of Van Helsing
"They cut me off again. Which one of you broads wants to waddle over to the bar and bring me back a scotch?"

Best of Bubba Love
"Fifth of Tequila - check. Limo out back - check. Two star-struck smelly old hippy hags with ratty clothes, the ubiquitous 'I'm too smart to have a decent hairdo' look and an obvious desire to relive the glory days - CHECK and MATE! Giggidy Giggidy"

Best of Rufus Leak
"Yeah, my brother was the one who said 'pay any price, bear any burden.' Of course, he wasn't talking about negotiating a trick with a couple flabby, middle-aged tranny hookers."

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

"You look much better vertical, Senator. You should try it more often."

Van Helsing said...

"They've cut me off again. Which one of you lovely ladies wants to waddle over to the bar and bring me back a scotch?"

Anonymous said...

"So, not to stretch a point, but you would be...a woman, right?"

Anonymous said...

"Before we go any further, I'm now required to check that you've had water safety instruction."

Anonymous said...

Thought bubble: "Damn, I'm going to need half a dozen stiff drinks to do this one."

Anonymous said...

Thought bubble: "Damn, it's come to this. Even back in the day, she was ghastly."

bubbalove said...

"..Wha? What was that Senator Kennedy?"
"I said, do you two old fat lesbians wanna do a three-way!?"

or

"Ah, Senator Kennedy, I was just telling Maya that you're a bridge over troubled water.
"@#&^%!, you can chap-my-quick-dick you old bat!"

or

Teddy thought bubble:
"Fifth of Tequila - check.
Limo out back - check.
Two star-struck smelly old hippy hags with ratty clothes, the ubiquitous 'I'm too smart to have a decent hairdo' look and an obvious desire to relive the glory days - CHECK!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"That's great, honey. Let me see again what it looks like with the Kleenex back in your nose."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Unable to eat:
Picturing either of the ladies with a "teddy".

Son Of The Godfather said...

Turtle neck to cover turkey neck.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Senator, I was just asking Maya here how a bloated fucktard murderer could possibly hold a senate seat... Any comments?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

3AM at O'Malley's Bar, Senator Ted considers his closing-time companion options.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Senator, being no stranger to 'Good Times', perhaps you know TV's Esther Rolle?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ted and pal, Jimminy Glick comment on how well Koffi looks with the extra weight.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"So I was telling John Kerry he had my full support and... oh dear I've just shat myself."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I got your note, Ted... But what exactly is a 'dirty Sanchez'?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Maya, the Ted-bot is almost complete. One more wad of cotton between the ears, and we should be good to go."

Son Of The Godfather said...

In Teddy's Scotch-induced haze, he was hitting it off with the Olsen twins.

Son Of The Godfather said...

With a quick feel-up, Ruth confirms that Ted does indeed sport man-boobs.
Ted: "They are real, and they are spectacular."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Cover of New Book:
Teddy Has Two Mommies

Rufus Leaking said...

"No, no that was my BROTHER who said, 'pay any price, bear any burden.'"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Divine Miss M said...

"Stop asking me what I'd do in that situation; we'll just drive off the side of that bridge when we come to it, Senator."

Submariner said...

Andrew Sullivan proudly shows off the bandages on his palms that he claims Teddy caused...

Submariner said...

Ted, besotted by 9am as usual, leads with his infamous "Hey babe, wanna see the amazing technicolor tele-chubby?"

Submariner said...

It's always amusing to watch Ted and another hefty-bag do the thin-aisle bathroom dance on the Logan-Reagan commuter flight. That is, unless you are sitting in the row where they tango...

Submariner said...

It's always amusing to watch Ted and another hefty-bag do the thin-aisle bathroom dance on the Logan-Reagan commuter flight. That is, unless you are sitting in the row where they tango...

Submariner said...

"Damn, Maya! How'd you get the pasty complexion right on this wax dummy?"
"What wax dummy?"

Submariner said...

No, no, not exactly:

What Jackie ACTUALLY said at the family picnic was "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask how you can doo-doo on your country."

You see, the Boston Globe always cleans up anything a Kennedy says - that's why we keep 'em paid off.

Submariner said...

Ain't it a biyatch?

Have enough stiff ones to get past the looks and you can't get a stiff one...

Submariner said...

Teddy delivers:

"hey lady, did you order a pepperoni pizza? Well here's the pizza and HERE's the pepperoni!"

Submariner said...

"I-just-crapped-my-pants (c) brand: you're gonna LOVE 'em!
How do I know? I just did..."

Teddy Kennedy, spokesmodel

Submariner said...

Teddy - "Why Dudley Moore, you old, fat has-been! What have you been up to?"
Dudley - "Talk about the pot and the kettle..."

Anonymous said...

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask who you can do for your country."