Friday, October 07, 2005

Puppies, Just Cute Fluffy Innocent Puppies

1. "Is that a pink Christmas tree light, or are you happy to see me."

2. "So, how's the Korean family treating you guys?" "Pretty good, except I think there used to be five of us."

3. "Timmy fell down a well. So, I pissed on him. Is that wrong?"

4. "And then he drank out of the toilet and started licking his own balls. I hate living with Alec Baldwin."

5. "I've been screwing with that Berkowitz guy's head. I figure he'll crack any day now."

6. If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

7. "Check it out, bitches. They look real, don't they?"

8. "This standing-at-attention is bullshit. I say we frag Sergeant Fluffy."

23 comments:

Kevin Walker said...

Nice Full Metal Jacket refernce there.

e-ho said...

Those puppies are so cute I can't stand it!

marnie said...

Oh please. This is hardly entertaining, let alone funny. What are you some sort of hick?

Don't quit your day job V the K.

Rufus Leaking said...

As they say in China, "Don't play with your food." takes on a whole new meaning when dog is on the menu. . .

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hey, get us out of this cage! Snowball just took a HUGE Marnie over in the corner!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"And did you hear about Marnie?... Yup, EIGHT pups, and doesn't know who the father is!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Where does Phil Donahue get the material for his toupe? Inquiring minds want to know!

(V the K: Your #5 gets my vote for winner)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"George Bush doesn't care about fluffy white puppies!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"And if you get adopted, NO humping the furniture!... Except if you get picked up by Sullivan... He's kinda 'in' to that."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Pictured here: More common sense then in all of Daily Kos.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The Democrats, faced with ever-shrinking numbers and splintering factions, decide to change their symbol from a donkey to a fluffy white puppy... And dammit, they may have hit paydirt this time.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Move over, Sparky! We can't see the TV and "Dog Chef" just started!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Tonight on Cage Match:
The Canine Brothers vs. Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Crooning "Blue Moon" while avoiding their own defecation, the puppies invented a new street-corner genre of music: "Poo-Wop".

Son Of The Godfather said...

"It's horrible in hear, I tells ya!... They rub our noses in our own feces and blast Christina Aguillera music through the pens!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Those "lucky rabbit's feet" keychains you sometimes see for sale?... Not always from rabbits... Rarely lucky for the original owners.

Son Of The Godfather said...

OK, captions off, man... I'll take that damned cute little bastard on the right!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Captions back on.
So they're cute and cuddly... But what do you get if you take away all the fur AND give them cigarettes AND register them on Kos?...

THIS is what.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hmmm, linky no worky that way...

Try THIS

or just look here:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/uglydog.asp

Van Helsing said...

"The bloodstain? I was licking my genitals and got carried away."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Test subjects are ready, doctor. 1.21 Jigawatts wired and ready to test the new electrified puppy-gate with maximum voltage in 10... 9... 8..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Those "abominable snow creatures" we've been hearing so much about ain't living up to their reps.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Inga: "Werewolf!"
Dr. Frankenstein: "Werewolf?"
Igor: "There."
Dr. Frankenstein: "What?"
Igor: "There wolf. There castle."