Saturday, October 29, 2005

My Theories Are Sound!

a. "So, references to 'Boyfinger' have bottomed out, but references to 'smelly pirate hookers' and missing out on activities with your grandmother because you were stoned are at an all time high. Kobe and Andrew Sullivan references --- unchanged."

b. Earlier in life, Patrick Fitzgerald won a math scholarship for using calculus to prove his math teacher, Mr. Baker, was actually a smelly pirate hooker named Roxanne.

c. Hormonal, Acne-Ridden Math Nerd was a rare misfire for the f/x network.

d. After being caught drawing p0rnographic pictures of the GI Joe Team in his notebook, Kyle escapes discipline by incorporating 'Action Figures' into his Math thesis.

e. Kyle was beginning to think that his students were never going to grasp the Underpants Gnomes' Economic Theory.

f. Despite his detailed explanation of the genetic differences between himself and most members of the genus Murinae --- the other kids still called him 'Rat Boy.' Also, teachers.

g. "... and once you can move 7,500 units of quality AmWay product per month, you reach the Platinum Pin level."

h. "... and so, when the chad on ballot 57-3491 is exposed to ultraviolet light, a small indentation is clearly visible. Gore was robbed!" Kyle hasn't moved on.

i. Kyle's theory was compelling, and his presentation was inspired... but some still had doubts that there was a giant spaceship behind the comet waiting for them once they had departed their 'vehicles.'

j. "If Leroy axes Marvin fo 10 gram of 60% coke an Marvin ain't not got nothing but 8 gram of 80% and some ol 20% shit, how much of the cheap stuff be Marvin mixing up so Leroy can go off the hizzie?" --- The Detroit Public Schools switch to 'Ebonic Math.'

Detroit News Photo: Brandy Baker

19 comments:

Divine Miss M said...

This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

Racer Boy said...

"Now, unless there are any disagreements, let us throw the switch and begin the battle for the planet!"

Divine Miss M said...

"I studied advanced mathmatics so I'd never have to ask 'Do you want fries with that?' but the downside is, I haven't been laid since the Reagan Administration."

Right Wing Animator said...

And here we can see when IQ's sharply dropped while I was frozen..
(Let's see who catches that reference)

Submariner said...

RWA - would that be Encino Man?

Submarienr said...

That should interest the profesor. If he wants to talk with me, tell him to come to the big, new, silver disc-shaped house on the mall. And I wouldn't brandish anything remotely weapon-shaped around my, uh.... huge, silver lawn gnome, either.

Submariner said...

Holy shnikees! Look at the size of the bug crawling across Morty's cheek!

Submariner said...

Young Howard Hughes stated "...and here we can see that the force exerted on the cross-braced central straps both lift AND separate."
And so a revolution in lingerie was born, thanks to the aviator...

Submariner said...

"...ever rising probability of total annihilation of the human race. But I do have good news."
"What is that, professor?"
"I built this house within 2 miles of a prime target so we won't feel a thing..."

Submarienr said...

"And so you can clearly see the causational relationship male's with traditionally 'gay' names and tendencies to play with naked action figures."

"Thank you, Bruce. Extremely well researched topic..."

Submariner said...

That last would be "Submariner"
Damn embarassing when you mis-type your nick. I must still have mud in my eyes from my tete-a-tete with SOTG...

Mussolini said...

Democratic Analyst: "As you can see, the louder and more shrill Dean and Pelosi get, the more people vote republican. My take on this is that we'll need to get louder to overcome all those people on the right side."

Mussolini said...

Yes, Mr's Streisand, the more you talk about greedy conservatives, and the more your ticket prices exceed $1200.00, the number of people calling you hypocritical increase.

Mussolini said...

See how this line on the graph here goes up? Well, we haven't figured out why, yet.

Mussolini said...

So, as you can see here, the more muslim atrocities there are, the more the media reports them as committed by "activists" instead of muslims.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"OK Darla, everyone finds it amusing the way you phonetically pronounce "F(x)"... Can we move on now?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

His worst fear realized, Barry was called to the board after fantasizing about the girls of Prussian Blue, earning him the nickname "Barry the Bulge".

Son Of The Godfather said...

In an awesome and tragic sequence of events, the world's first sentient equation leaps into the third dimension and pulls Barry back into its world.

Submariner said...

Leonard shows that "the, ahhhh, 'nagle of attack' in the male of the species is directly proportional to the number of square inches of exposed, Elvish ice-warrior maiden..."