a. "So, references to 'Boyfinger' have bottomed out, but references to 'smelly pirate hookers' and missing out on activities with your grandmother because you were stoned are at an all time high. Kobe and Andrew Sullivan references --- unchanged."
b. Earlier in life, Patrick Fitzgerald won a math scholarship for using calculus to prove his math teacher, Mr. Baker, was actually a smelly pirate hooker named Roxanne.
c. Hormonal, Acne-Ridden Math Nerd was a rare misfire for the f/x network.
d. After being caught drawing p0rnographic pictures of the GI Joe Team in his notebook, Kyle escapes discipline by incorporating 'Action Figures' into his Math thesis.
e. Kyle was beginning to think that his students were never going to grasp the Underpants Gnomes' Economic Theory.
f. Despite his detailed explanation of the genetic differences between himself and most members of the genus Murinae --- the other kids still called him 'Rat Boy.' Also, teachers.
g. "... and once you can move 7,500 units of quality AmWay product per month, you reach the Platinum Pin level."
h. "... and so, when the chad on ballot 57-3491 is exposed to ultraviolet light, a small indentation is clearly visible. Gore was robbed!" Kyle hasn't moved on.
i. Kyle's theory was compelling, and his presentation was inspired... but some still had doubts that there was a giant spaceship behind the comet waiting for them once they had departed their 'vehicles.'
j. "If Leroy axes Marvin fo 10 gram of 60% coke an Marvin ain't not got nothing but 8 gram of 80% and some ol 20% shit, how much of the cheap stuff be Marvin mixing up so Leroy can go off the hizzie?" --- The Detroit Public Schools switch to 'Ebonic Math.'
Detroit News Photo: Brandy Baker