Monday, October 17, 2005

The Mothership Connection

1. "BRAINS!... BRAINS!..."

2. "And one of these little UFOs came over that mountain and I was signaled from a group of persons to come. And I was beamed up into that small vehicle and carried to a larger vehicle, where I heard the voice of my leader and teacher, the Honorable Elijah Mohamed..."*

3. Harriet Miers mused. "Gray pinstripes? I'd look good in those. Maybe with a hot pink and teal blouse?"

4. Louis recounts the time Robert Byrd welcomed him to West Virginia with a laurel and hearty handshake.

5. "You commie rat-bastard, you've been eating off my deli tray!"

6. Note to self: Even if he's tending bar, never ask Andrew Sullivan to set you up with a delicious Black Russian.

7. "Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes..."

8. "So, that's why the hot side stays hot and the cold side stays cold. But can the White Devil explain how the french fries are neither French, nor always fried?"

9. "My hands are on backwards! My hands are backwards!" The Black Stalin Impersonator turned out to have brought some really great 'shrooms.

10. "The bad news is the White Devil is destroying our families. The bad news is the White Devil blew up the levees in New Orleans. The bad news is the white Devil sent crack into our neighborhoods to destroy our black culture. But, brothers and sisters, there is also good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance."

Update: Best of SOTG

"It's the big one! I'm comin', Elizabeth!"

"I want my Jell-O puddin' pops, ya see..."

Update: Best of Submariner

"Captain Louis to Mothership Blackerprise. We're too late. The white devils have destroyed this planet as well. Damn that evil Yacub!... YACUUB! YAACUUUB!!

* This would be a lame caption, except that he actually said that.

Beam him up.

19 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan embraces Harvey, an imaginary, 7 foot tall "cracker" rabbit... and confirmed source of current conspiracy theories.

Son Of The Godfather said...

GRRRRR!!! Louis Hulk MAAAAD!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Think about it:
How can anyone tell if he's gone senile?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Crazy Louis demonstrates how the "white man" kept him from his dream of playing Herman Munster.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Klaatu Barada Fuckyu", Louis, you racist alien probe experiment cast-off.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"And then I pulled the Reverend Sharpton closer. Our eyes met. In that instance, we knew it was meant to be. It was wrong, so wrong, but we could not be denied..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"George Bush doesn't care about people with severe arthritis!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"This is the big one, Elizabeth!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Then, the alien broke out of my stomach like this... It hissed, and ran across the mess table and down the corridor..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

In Cosby voice:
"I want my Jell-O puddin' pops, ya see..."

Bubbalove said...

'dweep dweep dwepdwepdwep'
"Captain Louis to Starship Blackerprise, it seems the white devils have destroyed this planet as well. Damn that evil Yacub!...
YACUUB! YAACUUUB!!

or

..feelin' hot hot hot! Oh Lord, feelin' hot hot hot!

or

"..and then I reached out and put my hands around her sweet teenage hips like this and showed her the way to salvation!"

or

Calypso Louis momentarily loses control of the evil within him as his face contorts into a visage of pleasurable pain and his hands mimic his throttling of any last hopes for black America...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Q: Louis Farrakhan, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Ted Rall are all stranded on a deserted island. Who is the first to be saved?
A: The country.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!
But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ended up being the "Million Moron March".

Bubbalove said...

"..and in addition to the 70 virgins I saw in my vision, there, in the middle of the living room, was an Everlasting Crack Rock I swear was this big around! Let us rejoice!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Seriously there, my brother: For the last time, take your hand off my ass or you're gonna wake up in the Potomac in a burlap sack."

Submariner said...

V the K

Proper cedit should be given to bubbalove vice me, but thanks for hte thoughts anyways.

Submariner said...

It's a shame that Condi has been corrupted by the White Devil, but I'd still like to grab her from behind like this and "see what comes up" if ya know what I mean...

Submariner said...

I'm a cat!
I'm a kitty cat!
And I dance, dance, dance.
And I dance, dance, dance.
I'm a cat!