Thursday, October 27, 2005

More Fun With Child Abuse

1. "Well, if mom thinks this will keep us out of her cigarettes, she's got another thing comin'!"

2. "Two brats enter! One brat leaves! Two brats enter! One brat leaves!"

3. That's okay. Just tell your kids you dropped off the dog at Day Care and got them neutered because you were stoned. They'll understand.

4. "I told you we shouldn't have gone into Hillary's gingerbread house."

5. "Is that a dingo? I don't like where this is headed."

6. "Any bags you'd like to check, Mr. Jackson?"

7. "All right, Infant Andrew Sullivan, now put on the leash and dog collar." "Okay, Infant Barney Frank." Jim Henson's Muppet Gaybies.

8. "So, that's why the mail is always late."

9. "Doesn't this sort of take the fun out of it for the dingo."

10. "Mom, we're sorry you caught us acting out the 'White Sox Victory Kiss,' but doesn't locking us in the same cage defeat the purpose?"

Best o AlphaMu42
Hahaha, Mom & Dad should be home any minute... I don't think we'll have to worry about getting this bitch of a babysitter again!"

Best o' Bill
Okay, they're all ready to be shipped off to Saudi Arabia. Two more for the harem!

Best o' Son Of The Godfather
"This Halloween, we're going as Martha Stewart and Judith Miller!"

Best o' Divine Miss M
The industrial-strength Deluxe Yuppie Grubling Carrier not only seats two, it also comes with a no-spill water bowl!

Best o' Me (inspired by Submariner)
Michael Jackson's reinvention as avant garde performance art won him the adoration of the SoHo crowd and an NEA grant.

Best o'Submariner
Darn it Stevey! You can only poop in your own end!

Best o'Cybrludite
How Lamb & Lynx would travel to their singing gigs if there were any justice in this world.

From, from, from: Knowledge Is Power

27 comments:

AM42 said...

"Okay Timmy, now we just have to send these photos to DYFS...

That'll teach mom for taking away our TV privileges!

AM42 said...

While their sisters, Lamb & Lynx, received a great deal of loving support from Mom & Dad... the twin boys of Prussian Periwinkle were not so fortunate.

AM42 said...

"Hahaha, Dad's boss should be showing up for dinner any minute...

This will teach him for taking away our Gameboy!"

AM42 said...

Hahaha, Mom & Dad should be home any minute...

I don't think we'll have to worry about getting this bitch of a babysitter again!"

AM42 said...

Michael Jackson always keeps a couple of spare children at hand in case of emergency.

Mussolini said...

Okay, they're all ready to be shipped off to Saudi Arabia. Two more for the harem!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Boys, your aunt Susey (Estrich) will be over to babysit any min... Boys?... Boys?..."
(and V, your #2 and cracked my ass up ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

The twins showed an amazing perceptive ability when anticipating dad's answer to mom's "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Get rid of unwanted varmints with the new Tyke Motel.
Kids check in, but they don't check out.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"This Halloween, we're going as Martha Stewart and Judith Miller!"

Divine Miss M said...

The industrial-strength Deluxe Yuppie Grubling Carrier not only seats two, it also comes with a no-spill water bowl!

Submariner said...

In other "Arts News," the new NEA-sponsored artist's conception of a Terry McAulif fantasy involving Karl Rove and George Bush garnered rave reviews in the NY Times lobby...

Submariner said...

Now remember, Davey. Dad said to win the "spy game" we had to tell him exactly what Mom did with the plumber...

Submariner said...

Darn it Stevey! You can only poop in your own end!

Submariner said...

I just KNEW we shouldn't buy a modular home from Herve Villechaise!

Submariner said...

Jeffie Dahmer's childhood was never as easy as other little boys, but he always enjoyed the days when a friend could stop over for a bite.

Submariner said...

Playin' "Hoosegow" was more fun when we had that metal cup to rattle on the bars. Why'd'ya think your mom took it away?

Submariner said...

I'll distract her.

You run out the tunnel and fire up the trike for a fast getaway!

Submariner said...

Daaammmmnnnnnnn! I guess Mom was serious about hearing It's A Small World "just one more damn time!"

Submariner said...

Y'know, I'm as serious about my religion as the next guy, but I think shoving us in here with all these snakes was a bit over the top, don't you?

Submariner said...

What do you mean "All I asked for in the reservation was a room with a view." Asshat!

Submariner said...

After locking the door, Lassie sighed "THAT ought to keep Timmy and his boy-toy out of trouble for the afternoon and let me get a little 'afternoon delight' with that new Husky down the road..."

Cybrludite said...

How Lamb & Lynx would travel to their singing gigs if there were any justice in this world.

Van Helsing said...

Hannibal Lecter's lunchbox.

Submariner said...

V,

I nominate Van Helsing's "Lechter's lunchbox" as a Best o' the Best - Great!

AM42 said...

LOL van halsing!

Oddly enough, this one came to me just seconds after in turned off my computer yesterday...

"Listen Miggs, my mom doesn't really mind us playing in here, but you have to stop saying 'I can smell your c*nt' every time she walks by."

AM42 said...

That would be 'van helsing'

Doh!