Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A Mime in a Barcode Hell

1. George W. Bush Doesn't Care About the Tiny People Who Live in the Folds of Corduroy Pants!

2. Do Not Adjust Your Set. We Control The Horizontal. We Control the Vertical...

3. "Because Ms. O'Donnell heard that vertical stripes are slimming, now, help me cut up this circus tent."

4. "Last night, I dreamed I was a tick, on the back of a huge, anal-retentive zebra."

5. "Road Crew! It was a typo! They wanted four lanes, not forty-four lanes."

6. "Ugh! I hate the IKEA 'striped carpet and clear polyethyline furniture' room."

26 comments:

Jonathan said...

"Velcome to Sprockets, I am your host Dieter! Today we review the avant-garte movie from award-winning producer Andre Puss, entitled 'He Loves Me, He Loves My NY Yankees Fetish'!"

Jonathan said...

"Can you hear me now? NO? It's because I'm in Pinstripe HELL, that's WHY!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

Just tell your grandmother you missed dinner because you were getting high. And I mean like royally totally baked higher than you've ever been in your life high.

ColoradoPatriot said...

"What? Walk another one? Look, officer, I swear I'm sober."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"I hate it when they leave the lines up even if there's nobody waiting. Damn Six Flags!"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Cheese. I know I left my cheese somewhere in here."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"I've got to concentrate... Must...stay...on...lines! Don't want...to fall...into abyss!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Wow... I've heard of "eye-candy", but this is more of an "eye-sandpaper".

Son Of The Godfather said...

At night, the "Awkward-Pattern-Elves" come out and prepare Harriet Miers' new outfit for the day.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ralph Wiggum: "It's like a fire in my pupils!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

George Foreman's got his grill, and Michael Moore's got his.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hey, check out the sellout crowd at the Linda Rondstadt concert!

Son Of The Godfather said...

These "Where's Waldo?" things are getting pretty easy.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Dennis Kucinich at his next presidential primary.

Son Of The Godfather said...

It was unfortunate that the Berkeley protesters happened to plan their event at the same place as the world's largest drainage grate.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Man, those Sumo wrestlers really smashed the hell out of those street crossing lines!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Cool Illusions:
1) If you stare at the little person until the lines begin to fade, he seems to come out in a 3-D kind of way.
2) When you look away, you will see stripes on everything for about 5 minutes.
3) If you're working nightshift and writing silly captions and staring at this picture, and one of your crew comes in a sees you trying to blink-away the stripes now stuck in your head, it can make for a pretty embarrassing situation.

Submariner said...

New York echo:

"Ebony, and Ivory..."

"STFU!"

Submariner said...

"Can you hear me now? Good!"

Submariner said...

Screech, bothered by being surrounded by "all his friends" does a quick pit-check to see if that is the problem.

Submariner said...

Giggidy, giggidy;
You know you're my favorite hand puppet.
Yawanna?
Giggidy, giggidy...

Submariner said...

Hey Kobe! I'm so open they must have forgotten me!

Submariner said...

Now that I have the lines laid out, I'm ready to party with the Vikings. Yo, Daunte! Bring 'em in!

Submariner said...

Serge, upon seeing the mock screams shrilly, "No! No! No! Vertical stripes are slimming, horizontal stripes are fattening. Diagonal stripes are just gauche..."

Submariner said...

The flamenco dancer, suspected of being intoxicated, was asked by the Guardia "to stomp a straight line..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ziggy, I'm getting some really strange readings here... Try to zero me in on Sam."