1. "He still kisses better than that smelly hooker in Pittsburgh."2. "Okay, dad, now that you've had all of us, who's best? Me, mom, sis, or grandpa?"
3. Call me?
4. "That's right, son. The restraining order is invalid now that you're 18. The bad news is I'm no longer interested in you, now that you're 18."
5. "Good news. The tests were negative! Come here, ya big bear."
6. "What's wrong? You seem aroused, yet distant? Are you staring at the bat boys again?"
7. "Ugh, I can still taste the umpire in your mouth, but thanks for taking one for the team."
8. Eight Men Out... of the closet.
9. Ricky got the best souvenirs of all... a kiss from the manager and the manager's wallet.
10. "What's the matter? My little league coach always did this after a big win. Sometimes for hours."
Best o' Son Of The Godfather
"OK Johnny, let's take it away from all these cameras and into the locker room so I can slide into home if ya get my drift."
"No, this is my last bit of chewing tobacco, I don't have any more for... Hey!... MMMmmmmfff mmmmmffff!"
Best o' Jonathan Leffingwell
The White Sox players react with glee upon learning that the team has narrowed its relocation choices down to Key West, Fire Island, or San Francisco.
Best o'AlphaMu42
"Oh coach, this is the happiest day of my life! Plus, we won the series!
"Hey, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
Best o' Me
Just tell grandma you got AIDS from having unprotected sex with the coach while you were stoned. She'll understand.
From Here.
57 comments:
Perhaps it would have been understandable, had it not happened during pre-game practice.
Figures... "White Sox" tend to go with "Pink Panties"
DON'T BELIEVE IT!
Another obvious USA Today doctored photo...
Coach's eyebrows have been artificially darkened.
"Man, I sure hope you thought I was bit by a rattler on the lips, cuz otherwise, I'm gonna have to kick your ass."
And just what is wrong with smelly hookers in Pittsburgh, hmm?!
"Showers... Five minutes... And Johnny, wear only the white socks."
In extremely flaming voice:
"Ooooh! Batter UP!"
Failed Hollywood Titles:
Field of Andrew Sullivan's Dreams
(if you build it, he will come)
Hey, I had to do it. ;)
"OK Johnny, let's take it away from all these cameras and into the locker room so I can slide into home if ya get my drift."
"No, this is my last bit of chewing tobacco, I don't have any more for... Hey!... MMMmmmmfff mmmmmffff!"
Instead of watching game highlights, Coach and Johnny hunker down for a Will and Grace marathon.
As Coach spotted their innocent display of emotion on the Jumbo-tron, he knew it would likely be his last World Series.
Johnny's "coming out" in front of the press made him the new Rosa Parks of baseball... Only gayer... and a bit repulsive.
Just tell grandma you got AIDS from having unprotected sex with the coach while you were stoned. She'll understand.
This picture is just so hard to fathom...
I mean the White Sox winning the World Series of course.
(Oh V the K, no you didn't! heh ;)
The White Sox players react with glee upon learning that the team has narrowed its relocation choices down to Key West, Fire Island, or San Francisco.
"Ya know, Johnny, a pat on the ass would have been sufficient."
Later, Coach would show Johnny the proper method for "choking up on the bat".
"A swing and a hit!"
Borrowed from Jonathon Leffingwell's cap:
"Hey, you just won your first World Series! What are you going to do now?"
"We're going to Fire Island!"
I want to write more, but staring at the photo has the same effect as that black and white mime one a few pictures ago.
And I thought last year was bad, with the Red Sox hugging all the time like some kind of encounter group.
THIS JUST IN (DRUDGE)
Harriet Miers has withdrawn herself from consideration to the Supreme Court...
In an unrelated story, it appears that the White Sox are all a bunch of bone smugglers.
Ladies, please skip this caption!
Later that night, Johnny would experience what REAL success felt like... Mainly, a thumping sensation in the asshole.
"Oh coach, this is the happiest day of my life!
...what's that, we won the series too?
"Okay son, I'm glad that you saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico, but is this really necessary?"
"Okay Johnny, I know that you're really excited about the game, but will you please stop reciting Phil Rizzuto's lines from Paradise by the Dashboard Light?"
"Sure Johnny... you're happy, but I had 25 dimes on Houston."
Alphamu42,
Let me sleep on it. I'll give you an answer in the mo-o-orning.
"Hey, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
LOL sotg!
And damn... you gotta get up real early to scoop you on a caption, huh?
and of course:
"You took the words right out of my mouth... It must've been while you were kissin' me..."
Sure enough, Alphamu42...
The early bird (or nightshift guy) gets the worm... Hey that fits the photo too! ;)
And oldie, but a goodie...
"So Timmy, you ever seen a grown man naked?"
"Uh coach? Please tell me that's the game winning ball in your pocket..."
Johnny's re-enactment of the famous spaghetti scene in Lady and the Tramp always brought him romantic success.
"Just another minute Johnny... my ex-wife is just starting to look this way."
In extremely flaming voice:
"Thtop thaying I have 'two balls' on me! You know how randy it makes me! Oh come here, now!"
Obscure ref:
"I knew it, we're rump rangers for sure! We may as well just move in together and get matching His and His towels."
"I SAID that after your piss-poor performance on the field, I should be DISSING you!"
"Uh coach? The full lip-lock is bad enough... do you really have to squeeze my ass too?"
Does it mean I'm "homophobic" if I'd rather be looking at the picture of the fat-assed red-headed protester from a couple weeks ago? heh
"Relax Johnny... with all the commotion out here on the field, I doubt that anyone will even notice us."
"Oh my God! The new Prussian Blue album is out! I'm so excited!"
Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President! Al Gore for President!...
Take THAT, you Googling DU bitches!
"Sure, we kissed out in the open for a 5-minute timespan while he fondled my nuts... That don't make us gay or anything..."
Obscure ref:
"What about that time we found you naked with a bowl of Jell-O?"
"It was hot, and I was hungry!"
So wrong.
I love it.
"Uh Johnny, I would have just assumed that this was simply a case of you getting caught up in the moment...
However, I notice that you took the time to rent out the jumbotron as well.
What can I say coach? The pressure of playing the Ass-pros just became more than I could take!
Let's go home and listen to Streisand show tunes while watching Judy Garland flicks?
Y'know? I've just been so open since I had Kobe's beef...
Heh heh heh. "Swoopes! There it is!" Yeah, I get it.
Coach's "Donald Trump and the batboy" technique proved to be his most inspired motivational technique.
Enough outdoor sports, Johnny. Let's head down to the Blue Oyster and really slap some leather.
C'mon, Bruce. Let's go back to your place for a serious game of throw and catch, if you get my drift?
Ay-yi-yi! Papi!!!
What, no Andrew Sullivan joke?!?
"Hold me closer, tiny dancer; you've had a busy day today."
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