Tuesday, October 11, 2005

If I Had A Hammer

1. "Senator Clinton helped us lay the foundation. Right after she buried a couple lumpy, rolled-up carpets under it."

2. "Hey, Rumsfeld, glad you could make it to our Village People party. That's a great Leather Man costume." "Uh, yeah, costume."

3. "Well, I figured, what with inflation coming back, an energy crisis, and trouble in Iran, I might as well get used to being Jimmy Carter."

4. "I tell you, this is the last time I let Slipknot rent the ranch house."

5. "So, which Trading Spaces decorator is leading this project?" "The gay one." "Could you narrow that down a little?"

6. "I agree with you, Mrs. Bush. Bob Vila is a hot piece of ass."

7. In the spirit of bi-partisanship, George W. Bush helps Ted Kennedy build a new liquor cabinet.

8. Even after her helmet was knocked off, President Bush refused to intervene in the hammer fight between Laura Bush and Joyce Carol Oates.

9. "So, I said, 'Why not Harriet, she'd make a great justice,' and then... um, George, honey, if you break wind one more time while I'm standing behind you, this hammer is going be embedded in your skull... so, anyway..."

10. George W. Bush admonishes Dale and Boomhower to stop playing around with his tools, as Mrs. Bush challenges a HFH volunteer to a game of strip Boggle.

Link to the Source

22 comments:

bubbalove said...

"So I say to George, "George, you get out there and help them build the doghouse like you want it because if you screw up on one more hot-button issue, you WILL be sleeping there!"

or..

Here, President Bush can be seen building the massive urn complex that will hold the collective ashes of the Democratic Party after they are pulverized in the next election cycles.

or..

Here, President Bush can be seen building free housing in Louisiana in an attempt to appease the Race-o-crats and prevent them from totally depleting the Federal Treasury in the name of 'fairness'.

Submariner said...

I don't care about your fingers...

Van Helsing said...

"Hey! Who nailed my foot to the wall?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

In the evil Bizzaro anti-verse, the photo is of President Kerry windsurfing off the levee.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The President checks to see if anyone is watching, and, when clear, sinks the hammer claw into the soft, pulpy base of Andrew Sullivan's (lower right) skull.

Son Of The Godfather said...

In a couple of years: "No Madge, I swear ta Gawd, President Bush drywalled my house!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hey, anyone seen that Rachel Corrie temp?... Is she hanging around the bulldozers again?"

(Yeah, I said it.)

Son Of The Godfather said...

The final construction of the Great Wall between the blue and red states is almost complete.
(Damn, with me stuck in CA too!)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"With the help of all these good people, and all this good, strong timber, the levee is sure to hold next time."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Moonbats can't handle the truth, but that appendage you see between his legs?... It ain't the lady-in-the-background's leg.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Finally having had enough of the leftist MSM, the President goes all "Cask of Amontillado" on their asses.

(obscurity stretch?)

Son Of The Godfather said...

George Bush thought bubble:
"I wish Son Of The Godfather would stop writing stupid captions and get his butt back here. Ain't he supposed to be working?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Michael Moore's coffin in the final stages.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Laura: "Barb, sweety, we're gonna need you to work a little bit faster, ok? I mean, if you haven't noticed, the dead have come to life and are feeding on the living. The cemetery is right over there, and we have scant moments to board up. [Laura's zombie voice:] There coming for you, Barbara..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Laura: "Now Madge honey, I see you staring at my husband's package. Those are mine, dear. Those are where my babies come from, so keep your eyes on your work or I'll gut you like a fish, m-kay?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

AP HEADLINE:
GEORGE BUSH FOOLISHLY IGNORES WARNING TO USE SAFETY GOGGLES!

Son Of The Godfather said...

REUTERS HEADLINE:
BUSH ESCAPES ROVE/PLAME QUESTIONS
Feigns helping to rebuild city destroyed by global warming environmental policies.

Son Of The Godfather said...

KANYE WEST OUTBURST:
"GEORGE BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT SPACKLING!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

The President helps build the new memorial after the "Crescent of Embrace" failed to garner support from sane people. The "Cross of Retribution", however, had endless eager supporters.

Son Of The Godfather said...

George Bush: Hammered drywall
Bill Clinton: Hammered fat chicks
Ted Kennedy: Hammered

Son Of The Godfather said...

President Bush helps to rebuild after Smurf Village was destroyed by bombers of an unknown enemy nation.

ColoradoPatriot said...

"There! Now that oughtta keep John Roberts' kids out of trouble."