1. "Um, dear, you're stoned."
2. The intricacies of the Traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony were way over Monica's head.
3. Monica Lewinsky douches herself.
4. "Alien? No, of course not. Watch as I enjoy your normal hyooo-mon beverages."
5. "Monica, hey, it Mack Daddy. Why you ain't at yo' phone, bitch? Got you a 'date.' all you do is, you pour tea through yo' nose while Senator Kennedy play wi' himself, Easiest $500.00 you ever make. Call me now, bitch."
6. Monica would never be invited to Dim Sum again.
7. Monica's compulsive fetishism led to a scandal at the urine testing lab.
8. "All right, I'm filling my nostrils with pure grain alcohol. Got that lighter ready? This will be sweet."
9. Filling your nose with scalding hot water will provide temporary relief from listening to conservatives debate the Miers nomination.
10. Ten captions in, he thinks, "That could be a dude."
11. Starbucks weeds out another underqualified job applicant.
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