1. "I'd love to show you what I did to the corpses of Momma and Baby Bear, but it's just too disturbing." 2. "Hey! What would you do if the f**ker ate your cat?"
3. "I offer this sacrifice to the glory of Baal! Hail, Baal!"
4. "Wait 'til you see tha adorable little outfit I'm going to make from his hollowed-out carcass!"
5. "Well, the Asian gall bladder market has been sliding ever since Viagra came along, but this should at least be good for an iPod."
6. "I'm gonna have him stuffed and mounted... try making something dirty out of that you captioning sickos."
7. "You were right, daddy. Killin' bears is better than sex."
8. "Next, I intend to hunt the most dangerous prey of all... man!"
9. "I also wasted his little buddy, and then I ate the contents of their pick-a-nick basket."
10. "It was big, it was hairy, it was loud, and it was rooting around in our garbage. I thought I was shooting Al Gore."
Best o' Son Of The Godfather
"That'll teach those Berenstains not to f*ck with us!"
"Fine... PETA doesn't want me to sell Bo-Bo to the circus?... Problem solved."
"Well, I can honestly report that when you're chasing it down the creek with armor-piercing rounds, a bear DOES indeed sh*t in the woods."
Goldilock's sister: "The first round was too high. The second was too low... But the third one was just right."
Just tell your little sister you forgot to pick up the bear medicine for Bo-Bo because you were stoned. She'll understand.
Little known alternate ending to The Jungle Book includes an unfortunate encounter between Baloo and Amy Fisher.
"The last thing I heard him say was something about how only I could prevent forest fires. I don't need no condescending lecture from a stinkin' bear."
"And now, I will recreate the planet Hoth 'survival scene' from The Empire Strikes Back using the unfortunate Bo-Bo here as the tan-tan."
"That's a good thing ya done that to your little brother, Sierra... A REAL good thing! Now wish it into the cornfield."
Isn't wearing a big, flourescent-orange safety jacket over camoflage apparel a bit like trying to whack-it to a picture of Hillary? One kind of negates the other...
Best o' Submariner
"Nothin'. Kickin' back, cappin a bruin, having a Bud... You?"
Coming from a long line of USC grads, Tiffany was heard to mutter "UCLA undefeated my *ss!"
"Sometimes? When I kill, I can't help myself. I tuck my thumbs like this, stick my hands in my lap, and..."
If your sister takes opening day of every hunting season off from school as a holiday...you might be a redneck!
Pooh's last thought was, "Oh, bother! I knew I should have visited Paddington today..."*
* He was a bear of little brain, but they still made an awesome splatter pattern. - Ed.
Story from: Washington Post
50 comments:
"That'll teach those Berenstains not to f*ck with us!"
"I was actually trying to save some stoner who was late to his gramma's dinner, but I was too late."
"So he says to me 'hey little girl, would you say this porridge is too hot, or too cold?'... So I answered with a couple of rounds from my thirthy-aught-six."
Little girl lugging that monster home must have been a bear!
The real reason "BJ and the Bear" was cancelled.
(There were additional problems with a show simply titled "BJ")
"Fine... PETA doesn't want me to sell Bo-Bo to the circus?... Problem solved."
Disney's Old Yeller sequel, Old Brownie didn't end happily either.
"Fair is fair. Eat my little brother, I put a cap in your ass. Word."
"Well, I can honestly report that when you're chasing it down the creek with armor-piercing rounds, a bear DOES indeed sh*t in the woods."
Goldilock's sister: "The first round was too high. The second was too low... But the third one was just right."
Her E-Harmony profile would eventually match her to an orange-haired kid in a pumpkin shirt.
Holy shnikes, Maryland's got some hella-big rats!
There were copyright infringement problems when Sierra tried to publish her story under the title "Bearly Legal".
Just tell your little sister you forgot to pick up the bear medicine for Bo-Bo because you were stoned. She'll understand.
Little known alternate ending to The Jungle Book includes an unfortunate encounter between Baloo and Amy Fisher.
"Take THAT, Sexual-Harassment-Panda!"
"Nothin'. Kickin' back, cappin a bruin, having a Bud... You?"
Margaret obviously misunderstood what her daddy meant when he said "It'll take killing a couple of Bruins for the Canadiens to regain their rightful spot at the top of hockeydom, ay?"
Coming from a long line of USC grads, Tiffany was heard to mutter "UCLA undefeated my *ss!"
"The last thing I heard him say was something about how only I could prevent forest fires. I don't need no condescending lecture from a stinkin' bear."
"Remember Sierra, we always eat whatever we kill. Here's a spoon and some Parmesan."
(mornin', Sub!)
It was at that fateful moment that Ted Kaczynski realized he had found his ideal woman.
Mary Katherine looked at her father sheepishly, "Sure and I be sorry fer killin' the bear father, but I was certain 'twas a Catholic..."
"And now, I will recreate the planet Hoth 'survival scene' from The Empire Strikes Back using the unfortunate Bo-Bo here as the tan-tan."
Sometimes? When I kill, I can't help myself. I tuck my thumbs like this, stick my hands in my lap, and...
(back atcha SOTG - loved the Goldilocks' sister one.)
When I couldn't train Bo Bo to "lick the honey" I figured, What the hell..."
"Ah, he ain't dead, but he'll wish he was when Ma sees the still!"
SOTG and Ann Coulter's daughter: 1
Bear: 0
If your sister takes opening day of every hunting season off from school as a holiday,
...you might be a redneck!
"Nobody tells me how to manage my campfire."
"Whaddya want? The bastard duct taped me to a wall!"
Naw, I just stunned him. I plan on shaving him, wrapping him in a Super Deluxe Depends and putting him on the Sumo circuit.
"Orange ya glad I didn't say 'banana'?"
What can I say? I live in upstate New York and I'm just practicing for the Democratic primaries in '08...
Pooh's last thought was, "Oh, bother! I knew I should have visited Paddington today..."
As the last spark of supernatural life left its body, the hairy beast groaned and morphed back into human form. And thusly was Hillary's regular disappearances into the wilds of New England explained.
SOTG: 'armor-piercing rounds' LMAO! That one is great!
When they sliced him open, their worst fears were confirmed... Gooey pieces of torn, blue flesh proved that this was indeed the predator at Smurf-scout campground.
(Dammit, Sub, you scooped me on the Pooh Bear ref! Nice!)
"That's a good thing ya done that to your little brother, Sierra... A REAL good thing! Now wish it into the cornfield."
(thanks, Bubba! mornin')
Extremely liberal marrying laws there in Maryland, wouldn't you say?
Isn't wearing a big, flourescent-orange safety jacket over camoflage apparel a bit like trying to whack-it to a picture of Hillary? One kind of negates the other...
Ashleigh demonstrates the proper technique for a Maryland shotgun wedding...
Not so damned cute without your blue hat and red slicker, are you Paddington?
(SOTG - thanks, but hitting the ref before you should be considered fairplay. You've done it to me dozens of times.)
Andrew Sullivan, on the other hand, a different kind of 'bear hunter'.
Submariner,
Absolutely it's bear splayed... err... "fair play". ;)
Bubba Ray didn't have the heart to tell his colorblind daughter that it wasn't a polar bear she killed.
"Yeah, I went out loaded for ...well, you know..."
"Blew his shit away..."
Ed Asner never saw it coming.
"I smoked him as he rode by on his unicycle. Sorry. Why didn't anyone tell me the circus was in town?"
And, because I can't leave it at just 49 captions:
"Actually, I was aiming at a mime in some Escher-esque landscape."
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