Sunday, October 30, 2005

Don't Drink That!

1. "Okay, it tests pure. Tell Carlos we'll take 4 kilos."

2. "We're going to need a much bigger container for the bloodletting part of the ritual."

3. "No way will I drink your urine sample for five bucks... make it ten."

4. "... and then you heat it up over a lighter or something and suck in the vapors through your nose."

5. "And my dad will pay twenty bucks for a clean urine sample he can take into work next Tuesday."

6. "I still don't believe you're a Jew. That could be anybody's foreskin."

7. "Yeah, a single spore of this in the ventilation system will make the whole school into a biohazard zone. Can you say '12-Week Christmas Break?'"

8. "I'm still a little freaked out by what Mr. Garrison did to Lemmiwinks."

9. "Then you fling it at and yell 'The Power of Christ Compels You!' We'll get rid of that Hermione Granger biyatch one way or another."

Another warm, steaming slice of Americana from my hometown.

14 comments:

Kevin Walker said...

Where did Mr. Hat go?

bubbalove said...

"Lisa, what we are doing is testing for the presence of pesticides in the stream water.", lied Timmy as the last boy on the Chemistry Club outing added his ingredients to the homemade roofie they planned to slip her later.

Mussolini said...

"Yeah, I was surprised too when I found out everything was in the 6th grade lab kit to make a test-tube baby. See his little feet?"

John said...

You didn't tell me that drinking this would make Piggy from "Lord of the Flies" grow out of my shoulder.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Recreating something they had seen on Maury Povich, the crowd waits in anticipation to find out which of the five boys was, in fact, Amy's baby's daddy.

(V, you owe me a Diet Coke for that #1 cap... That was classic. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Billy's final words:
"Hey, what do you think would happen if you poured it in my right ear?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"It's called ipecac... tastes like cotton candy!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Younger Frankenstein... and Igor.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Billy, no one should have to live through the pain of having no ribs on their left side... Try this..." An adolescent Jack Kevorkian discovers his path.

Son Of The Godfather said...

First pair of spectacles found on Mars:
"Hey, let's see what happens when we mix your picric acid with my sodium hydroxide!"

Submariner said...

Yep, you can see him right there... That's our son, right Amanda?

AM42 said...

"Remember Billy, five drops of this in his coffee every morning for the next week... by next Sunday we won't have to worry about that captioning sicko ever again."

Anonymous said...

Ted prepares to field test the Neti Pot prototype.

Curious Onlurker

cat urine said...

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