Friday, October 21, 2005

A Dirty Hoe and Some Weed

1. "So you see, Billy, my feminine erotic lunar fertility rituals are just as effective as your patriarchal chemical fertilizers in producing a crop of primo chronic."

2. "Hey, look Billy. This radish is shaped exactly like your thingie."

3. Billy had to admit, his sister had grown some fine tomatoes. Fine, ripe, supple, round, perky tomatoes. Billy wants to be alone, now.

4. Four seconds later, Billy looked up and became an 'Ass-Man For Life.'

5. "You idiot, Billy. This is commercial grade hemp, not Maui Wowie."

6. "Fargin' Mr. Spock sucked up all the best spores!"

7. "Keep looking, Billy. The doctor said there's a good chance they can sew it back on Mr. Bobbett, and I must have that reward."

8. "To ease the tedium of garden labor, a lawn sprinkler can be used as a refreshing bidet... " Prison was a bad influence on Martha Stewart.

9. "Hello Mr. Friendly Raccoon..." Six months of agony and a series of painful stomach injections would leave Jenny forever skeptical of the Disney-fied PETA version of the Animal Kingdom.

10. "Well, he's spasming, but he's not dead yet. How's your kitty handling the strychnine, Billy?"

From this place

18 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Gopher, YOU BE DEAD!"

"It's a good thing ya done that, Timmy, a REAL good thing!..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

So Michael Jackson started keeping them in pens?

Son Of The Godfather said...

A young Janet Reno practices her linebacker stance.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Billy's first mission aboard the Enterprise had taken a horrible turn... He had beamed down, unarmed, to a hostile planet AND he was in a red shirt. Yup, he was a prime target for "Single-Episode" syndrome.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Unsuccessful Movie Titles:
Children of the Beets

Son Of The Godfather said...

Kid in background group:
"Just keep stomping it! It's still crying!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

In her early days, Hillary Clinton enjoyed life on the commune... One could even say she was a first-rate commune-ist. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Madonna doesn't let her kids watch TV...
So they pass time by salting snails in the garden.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I've got a Jefferson here that says Billy's the first to discover the electrified fence.

Son Of The Godfather said...

If that little blue thing on the ground is an extension of her leg, she could be the T-1000 sent back to kill John Conner in the red shirt there.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Michael Moore's kids try to help him find his soul.

AM42 said...

Sorry Senator Kennedy, but we'll need a few more feet of topsoil & another dozen or so tomato plants to completely bury that car.

ColoradoPatriot said...

Back in the day, the rules were simple: The cute princesses sang in the choir, The good girls were in the Brownies, and The fat chicks worked the garden.

Jonathan said...

"Hey, baby! That's one helluva bush you got there, Sarah! Huh? Well that depends...which bush do you think I'm talking about?"

Cybrludite said...

The yuppie kids cheerfully volunteered to serve as einstatzgruppen at the Bushitler concentration camp for hippie kids. In the back, notice Sunshine in the neon green shirt indicating her status as a sonderkommando.

(Or was that too dark to be funny?)

Van Helsing said...

"Here's an arm. Next time we bury a babysitter, let's make sure to do it deep enough that the dogs don't dig her up and spread her all over the garden."

Submariner said...

Young Billy looked up at an opportune time and realized "Hope" was a damned appropriate name...

Submariner said...

Keep looking, Jennifer. I think a couple of the little blue bastards avoided our air raid. Harry just found a couple more of them 'shroom houses that they're stomping out now...