1. "Well, the little bastard's stoned again. Might as well put in a Matlock: Season 1 DVD, break out the Steely Dan, and work myself to a joyless climax."
2. "Tonight, on a very special Golden Girls... aw, who cares."
3. "Take away my license will they. Well, if I'm goin' out, I'm takin' a whole lotta young pedestrians with me!"
4. "Now, let see. Where should I send the social security check to this month. That nice televangelist with the big hair, or National Public Radio."
5. "O-o-o-o-o-o-h, Bob Barker. You are one hot hunk of manflesh. You could spay or neuter me any day, oh my!"
6. "The best part is, once I eat this nice leg of lamb, the cops will never find the murder weapon."
7. Helen Thomas once again scrubs her kitchen sink with Kraft Parmesan Cheese and sprinkles Comet on her spaghetti.
8. Once again, grandma's penchant for acting out the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct clears the table.
9. "Well, guess I better get over to the Bates Motel..."
10. (Sigh) "I guess I'll probably be dead before they invent soylent green."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Demi is once again left wondering "Where the hell is Ashton tonight?"
"SOTG, stop fucking around with all those captions and get in here before your dinner gets cold!"
"Man, I can't believe I ate the entire pot roast... I've really gotta scale back on that Humboldt Green..."
Best of Submariner
Hey, Kobe! Seat's open over here!
Well, according to Grammy Lechter's diary, you DON'T serve chianti with long pork, Hannibal. Now get off the floor, sit at table like a civilized man, and don't make me backhand your ass again!
Things just weren't the same for Mrs. Cleaver after the Beaver and Eddie Haskell ran away together to Barney Frank's "Dude Ranchette."
Grandma wonders, "Maybe I shouldn't have slipped Sean the tongue last time we kissed goodbye?"
Best of Wild Thing
"Did I already finish eating my dinner or haven't I started yet?"
Best of bubbalove
Granma cocks the hammer on the .357 and listens to grandson Johnny toss her bedroom. This WILL be the last time that little shit steals her Social Security money to buy dope! But maybe he will have a bite to eat first...
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Ungrateful little sh#t! He coulda invited me to get stoned with him!"
Linked from: A Small Victory