Sunday, October 23, 2005

'Cos I Got High

1. "Well, the little bastard's stoned again. Might as well put in a Matlock: Season 1 DVD, break out the Steely Dan, and work myself to a joyless climax."

2. "Tonight, on a very special Golden Girls... aw, who cares."

3. "Take away my license will they. Well, if I'm goin' out, I'm takin' a whole lotta young pedestrians with me!"

4. "Now, let see. Where should I send the social security check to this month. That nice televangelist with the big hair, or National Public Radio."

5. "O-o-o-o-o-o-h, Bob Barker. You are one hot hunk of manflesh. You could spay or neuter me any day, oh my!"

6. "The best part is, once I eat this nice leg of lamb, the cops will never find the murder weapon."

7. Helen Thomas once again scrubs her kitchen sink with Kraft Parmesan Cheese and sprinkles Comet on her spaghetti.

8. Once again, grandma's penchant for acting out the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct clears the table.

9. "Well, guess I better get over to the Bates Motel..."

10. (Sigh) "I guess I'll probably be dead before they invent soylent green."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Demi is once again left wondering "Where the hell is Ashton tonight?"

"SOTG, stop fucking around with all those captions and get in here before your dinner gets cold!"

"Man, I can't believe I ate the entire pot roast... I've really gotta scale back on that Humboldt Green..."

Best of Submariner
Hey, Kobe! Seat's open over here!

Well, according to Grammy Lechter's diary, you DON'T serve chianti with long pork, Hannibal. Now get off the floor, sit at table like a civilized man, and don't make me backhand your ass again!

Things just weren't the same for Mrs. Cleaver after the Beaver and Eddie Haskell ran away together to Barney Frank's "Dude Ranchette."

Grandma wonders, "Maybe I shouldn't have slipped Sean the tongue last time we kissed goodbye?"

Best of Wild Thing
"Did I already finish eating my dinner or haven't I started yet?"

Best of bubbalove

Granma cocks the hammer on the .357 and listens to grandson Johnny toss her bedroom. This WILL be the last time that little shit steals her Social Security money to buy dope! But maybe he will have a bite to eat first...

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell

"Ungrateful little sh#t! He coulda invited me to get stoned with him!"

Linked from: A Small Victory

37 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

Just tell your grandma you blew off dinner plans you made with her because you were stoned. She'll understand.

The hell she will... She'll know I stole her best shit.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Uhm... bad commercial... Munchies are more apt to steer you towards gramma's place. ("Hey gram, got any cookie dough?")

Son Of The Godfather said...

Depressed and resolved to her granddaughter's fate, Mrs. Hannigan imagined what little Judy's duct tape fetish may have ultimately led to.

(and V the K, your #8 made me throw up in my mouth a little. Nice!)

Son Of The Godfather said...

While it was true that a seance was usually more successful with other people and a Ouija board, Thelma was sure she could speak to Irving through the good china.

Son Of The Godfather said...

If she's that gullible, I think I'll be calling her soon about having her help me smuggle funds out of Nigeria through her bank account...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Maybe her son had better things to do, like stop Vulcan incursion into their territory, hmmmmm?

Son Of The Godfather said...

BREAKING ON DRUDGE:
The leader of the Smurf Chemical Weapons Program has just been captured in Smurfville Minor. Smurfette Suzy, aka "Chemical Smurfy" is pictured here in a 1997 photo in her mushroom laboratory.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Sharon Stone just keeps getting hotter and hotter with age... Or it could be those flashes...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Demi is once again left wondering "Where the hell is Ashton tonight?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Fed up with his nonsense, Markos "screw 'em" Zunigas' mother sits and waits for the release that only the sweet sweet arms of death can bring.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Check her pulse, Ted... If she's a goner, we can register her as a Democrat and have her vote in the '06 elections!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

SOTG's gramma:
"I said stop fucking around with all those captions and get in here before your dinner gets cold!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

It's really messed up to show people with symptoms of Alzheimer's that Memento movie.

(I'm SORRY! Life through humor, friends! ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Man, I can't believe I ate the entire pot roast... I've really gotta scale back on that Humboldt Green..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Neo, you have a choice to make." said The Oracle, "You can continue living in the artificial fantasy world made up of illusions... or you can choose to become a Republican."

Son Of The Godfather said...

HEADLINE: 2025
Phil Spectre was paroled today after 20 years in prison.

Son Of The Godfather said...

When asked why she had spent almost 8 hours seated at the table in deep thought, Edith Krazinski replied that the Orange Juice container had instructed her to "concentrate".

Son Of The Godfather said...

Maybe, just maybe your grandson doesn't want to come over due to the overwhelming smell of Lysol and Ben-Gay?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Reflecting upon her life's work, an 85 year old Cindy Shehan concludes that she had accomplished absolutely nothing... except for that "Ooops, I Crapped My Pants" commercial which still paid residuals.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Just tell your grandson you wrote him out of your will because he blew off dinner plans you made with him because he was stoned. He'll understand.

ColoradoPatriot said...

Is that The Godfather's mother waiting for her grandson to join her for dinner? Just tell her you were too busy writing captions ;-)

Love ya, SOTG!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Back atcha CP! heh... Got that caption on my #12!

Submariner said...

Well, according to Grammy Lechter's diary, you DON'T serve chiati with long pork, Hannibal. Now get off the floor, sit at table like a civilized man, and don't make me backhand your ass again!

Submariner said...

Susan Estridge sits in the dark and ruminates; "How? Oh how could the exit polls have been wrong? Rove MUST have manipulated them..."

Submariner said...

How many JAPs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, I'll just sit in the dark.

Submariner said...

V the K,

Loved #7 - resulted in coffee/monitor syndrome. Nice.

SOTG,
Same for your "register as a Dem"

Submariner said...

Kommunist Katie Kouric, the later years:

Back in the heyday, I cleaned that E.D. Hill's clock! At least that's the way I remember it. That would have been back around President Gore's first term, I think... Back when Matt was the heart-throb of millions of Europeans.

Submariner said...

Damn impressive how tasty flame-broiled cat food is, isn't it? My secret is that I use AARP promotional materials - an everlasting source. (On my budget, I need to skimp on every penny possible.)

Submariner said...

Damn you, Graham Kerr!

It was so much more fun when I was getting sloshed with you! Now I have to drink alone...

Submariner said...

Why, Harvey! Such language over an empty plate?

I simply didn't dish you up a serving of what I'm having because I thought you'd be happier with a bowl of Trix.

Wild Thing said...

"Did I already finish eating my dinner or haven't I started yet?"

Submariner said...

Eventually, Alice would realize that Sam wasn't going to make a "meat delivery" tonight, and go watch reruns on Nick at Night.

Submariner said...

Hey, Kobe! Seat's open over here!

Submariner said...

Grandma wonders, "Maybe I shouldn't have slipped Sean the tongue last time we kissed goodbye?"

bubbalove said...

Granma resigns herself to her fate as she cocks the hammer on the .357 she has under the table and listens to grandson Johnny toss her bedroom. This WILL be the last time that little shit steals her Social Security money to buy dope! But maybe he will have a bite to eat first...

Jonathan said...

Nice #3, V! :)

"Ungrateful little sh#t! He coulda invited me to get stoned with him!"

Submariner said...

Things just weren't the same for Mrs. Cleaver after the Beaver and Eddie Haskell ran away together to Barney Frank's "Dude Ranchette."