1. "And now, Animal Planet presents "Gary Lemming: Cat Chiropractor."
2. My cats, on the other hand, would bend over backwards to put their ass into my face.
3. First prize in the feline gymanstics tournament was a statuette in the shape of the winner's hindquarters, otherwise known as the Cat-Ass-Trophy.
4. "Check out the avant garde toothpaste dispenser I picked up at Sharper Image."
5. The really scary part, his choice of background music for this stunt is "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?"
6. "... and then the crap shoots up in the air, describes a perfect parabola, and lands in my other hand."
Best o' Bill
I had the taxidermist stuff Cupcake standing; saves space on the mantle.
To the assembled crowd's delight, Fluffly tired moments later of this game, dropped her hindquarters down, and used Marcel's face as a scratching post.
Son Of The Godfather
"Kitty, kitty in my hand, who's most disturbing in all the land?"
Best of Me (inspired by Submariner)
"Wait a minute, if this is my cat? What did I leave in that carrier at the Human Society?"
Used, Abused, and Discarded from: Outside the Beltway