Thursday, October 27, 2005

Cat Stand

1. "And now, Animal Planet presents "Gary Lemming: Cat Chiropractor."

2. My cats, on the other hand, would bend over backwards to put their ass into my face.

3. First prize in the feline gymanstics tournament was a statuette in the shape of the winner's hindquarters, otherwise known as the Cat-Ass-Trophy.

4. "Check out the avant garde toothpaste dispenser I picked up at Sharper Image."

5. The really scary part, his choice of background music for this stunt is "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?"

6. "... and then the crap shoots up in the air, describes a perfect parabola, and lands in my other hand."

Best o' Bill
I had the taxidermist stuff Cupcake standing; saves space on the mantle.

Submariner
To the assembled crowd's delight, Fluffly tired moments later of this game, dropped her hindquarters down, and used Marcel's face as a scratching post.

Son Of The Godfather
"Kitty, kitty in my hand, who's most disturbing in all the land?"

Best of Me (inspired by Submariner)
"Wait a minute, if this is my cat? What did I leave in that carrier at the Human Society?"

Used, Abused, and Discarded from: Outside the Beltway

33 comments:

catbat said...

"ladies and gentlemen, the amazing muffin the contortionist cat! next up, we unleash upon muffin the stupendous wolf boys from their crate of death! who will triumph?"

Mussolini said...

I had the taxidermist stuff Cupcake standing; saves space on the mantle.

Cybrludite said...

Anything I could caption this with would be far too tasteless to post. I'll leave that up to SOTG...

Submariner said...

Having had her political aspirations dashed in 2006, Hillary Clinton went on to other pursuits.

Whoopsie Daisey said...

Michael misunderstood when McAuley said "Jacko... how 'bout we get some pussy at the Neverland Ranch for a change?"

Submariner said...

Howard Dean - "Just another "special interest group" we're trying to pander to. Nothing to see. Just MoveOn."

Submariner said...

To the assembled crowd's delight, Fluffly tired moments later of this game, dropped her hindquarters down, and used Marcel's face as a scratching post.

Submariner said...

Marcel licked his lips, smiled at the crowd and informed them "Tastes like chicken!"

Submariner said...

Graham Kerr's career had really got down-hill after he quit drinking on air...

Submariner said...

Gene Wilder in an out-take from the first "Willy Wonka."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Nice pussy.

Catbat: Hey, My cat (when I was a kid) was named "Muffin"!

Cybrludite: I resemble that remark!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ringmaster Larry managed to catch Fluffers as he fell from the tent support. One life down, eight to go.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Viking the Kitten's little known cousin, Tabby Trapeze.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Great. Now I'm having flashbacks of that Moulin Rouge movie. Thanks for the sleepless night, V the K!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ringmaster Larry would later claim that the child pornography discovered on his computer was for research he was doing for a book.

Son Of The Godfather said...

After 30 sequels, new super-villian "Cat Juggler" was Hollywood's latest failed attempt to create interest in the thinned "Batman" franchise.

Submariner said...

Larry? Ronald called and says he needs his pants back. Now!


(morning SOTG - I was trying to figure out a "1 down 8 to go" cap - nice.)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.


(thanks sub, mornin'!)

Submariner said...

Most DNC observers were baffled by Howard Dean's vision for the 2008 convention opening ceremnony: Pierre the Ringmaster, leading a procession of primary candidates to the dais, and "Send in the Clowns" playing on a pipe organ.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey II:
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Kitty, kitty in my hand, who's most disturbing in all the land?"

Submariner said...

The Kos family tradition at Thanksgiving had a version of "parading the Haggis," but before preparation.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Siegfried, sans Roy, attempts a comeback with a much tamer performance.

Submariner said...

Laaaaaaadiessssss and Gent-lemen!

I present to you the ideal Democratic candidate - Top Cat -
He's arrogant.
He couldn't give a rat's *ss about your sexual preference.
He lays around doing nothing 70+ % of the time.
He EXPECTS you to serve him and pay for his EVERY desire.
He'll pander to anyone with a hand out.

AND BEST OF ALL?

He'll NEVER, EVER overturn Roe v. Wade!

Submariner said...

What the hell do you mean "Top Cat's a she?"

Submariner said...

Did we mention Top Kitty's part black?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Susan Estrich seeks other ventures after her book tanks.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I liked this one from the link the photo was borrowed from:

With much excitement and fanfare, the new Democratic Party mascot, “Phil the Puss”, is unveiled. The announcement of the mascot’s name created an embarrassing moment when Sen. Kennedy, cradling a near-empty Chivas bottle and sitting at a nearby table with an unidentified female, fell out of his chair laughing and yelled, “Don’t mind if I do!”

Posted by: T. Harris at October 21, 2005

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ringmaster Larry thought bubble:
"If I establish this ridiculous alibi here, they'll never be able to pin those twins they found in the kennel in my apartment on me!"

Submariner said...

Bruce the Magician: "And, voila! I pull a pussy from Andrew's ass!"

Submariner said...

Marcel haughtily sniffed, "No! I am NOT a 'smelly pirate hook-aire.' I am French!"

Divine Miss M said...

They take little kitties, ten, twelve weeks old...and they juggle them...for money.

Submariner said...

Marcel performed the inspection, carefully, trying to decide the best way to milk the kitty...